The Harry Hill Movie Page #6

a tiny hamster Harry Hill,

to be beaten by a tiny

hamster me, for eternity!

You're an evil twin!

I know.

Help me, please.

Let's have some music.

Vet! Commence plastination.

- No!

- I have got a name, you know?

- Harry!

- Good, innit?

Worst holiday ever!

- No! Abu!

- Stop it, please!

I'm coming!

Fight. Thank God!

Get her, Kisko.

Ha!

Kung Fu sequence eh? Bit old hat!

See how you like my Nan Fu! He-ya!

How come you always

had the runny egg?

I thought you preferred

hard boiled!

Ow!

Why did you never let me have

a go on your Chopper bike?

- I thought you preferred the Grifter bike!

- Get off me!

No! Brrr!

Hot, hot, hot, hot...

Nan!

No! Please! Not me! It looks hurty!

Nan! Help me!

- Harry!

- What did you do that for?

Sorry, I never could

tell you two apart.

That's how come I sent

Otto away in the first place.

What?

Fine. I'll do it myself.

Oh, you dirty boy.

Vet! Release the brains!

Come to Daddy!

The brains are coming!

Ah! Quick, Nan! Run!

That-a-way.

What the...?

I'm off!

Later!

- The doors locked!

- Play your recorder then!

Just my luck! Music lovers!

Who's for a headache?

Heard you were in a

spot of bother H!

Barney! Where did you get

the rocket launcher?

Door to door arms dealer.

Got his number off the chickens.

There's someone

who's been looking for you.

- Harry!

- Michelle!

I knew you'd come back.

It seems I was wrong about you,

fish face... I mean Michelle.

- Right, let's rescue Abu.

- Or stay here and kiss some more?

- Harry.

- He's only got a few days left anyway.

- Alright then.

- Come on. Abu!

Fatima!

Achmed!

Steve?

- Abu!

- Harry!

What?

No!

You're coming with me.

Abu!

Abu?

Come quick! Take a look at this!

Coming.

Blimey! He got up there fast!

- Abu!

- Help!

You got 20p? Nan!

- You got a...? Anyone?

- No.

You lot wait here.

I'm gonna go and get him.

- I can't believe the lift wasn't working.

- Ah!

You'll never get away with this.

- Just watch me!

- Harry!

Oh!

Seriously, who climbs Blackpool

Tower in those shoes?

Careful, Harry!

You've got nowhere to go, Otto.

Hand him over!

That's certainly one option,

or I could just do this.

Harry!

Au revoir.

Ow!

Get off! Get off!

Hold on.

Nan!

- Guess who?

- Harry!

I'm coming, Abu. I'm coming.

Nan and Harry! Hurrah!

Try and get closer, Nan.

I expect you're wondering

how I learnt to fly a helicopter?

Well, I spent three years out in 'Nam

flying the old H-46's for the green berets.

I was first out of Saigon

when things started to get sticky,

and I've spent the last 8 years ferrying

the Pope to corporate engagements.

Roger that, Harry. On my way.

- Stop flapping and start scrapping.

- Undo his buttons, Abu!

Give me my hamster!

Bite him where it hurts!

You two are about as

helpful as a bag of farts.

Do something!

You know what? I think we're

working for the wrong brother.

You spoke?!

Yeah. I choose my words carefully.

It's all over, Otto!

It is now!

I'm slipping!

Well, hold on with

both hands, then.

And let my trousers fall down?!

Dream on!

- Hey, boss.

- What?

Ah!

Well, that's higher than it looks.

- I'm slipping!

- Hold tight, Abu.

- Harry!

- Ah!

Oh!

- Take us down, Nan.

- Roger that.

Nan to Control Tower.

Permission to land on a

double yellow line. Over.

Clear to land. Over.

Are you all right?

Sorry about all that

plastination business.

What? You've got a nerve.

Don't mention it.

- Harry!

- Ow.

Well, Abu. At least you finally

got to see the Blackpool Tower.

- Hey!

- Michelle.

- Ow.

- Come here, you.

Make way for the king!

Excuse me, king coming through.

Your Majesty.

Harry, I was wrong about you.

You are a true hero.

Maybe there's something in this

interspecies carry-on after all.

I give you permission

to marry my daughter.

Marry? Who said anything

about marriage?

What's the rush?

Maybe cohabit first?

After all... there's plenty

of room for everyone.

- Even for me?

- Not so much.

That's it. Go on, cart him off.

That's it. Get out of it!

I'm just pleased to see

a happy ending.

Abu, what's that you're sucking?

A green felt tip pen?

That's why he's been throwing up.

Where did you get this?

Sorry, Harry. I planted

it in your house.

Hamsters love to suck on a

felt tip but it makes them sick.

I knew you'd bring him to my vet's

surgery and then I could steal him.

Right, so you didn't think to steal Abu

then? When you gave him the pen?

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

Well, the good news is:

he's not going to die any time soon.

So you're blaming me

for the whole caper?

Nonsense, Abu. If you hadn't

sucked that green felt tip

I never would have met my Michelle.

How come you can

understand Hamster now?

We all can! It's a conceit to

speed up the end of the movie!

I'll take him down

the station, Mr H.

Not yet, Officer.

We'll need him for the finale song.

Ooh.

Yay!

Sometimes I feel like throwing

My hands up in the air

I know I can count on you...

Sometimes I feel like saying

'Lord I just don't care'

But you've got the love

I need to see me through.

Sometimes it seems

the goings just too rough

and things go wrong

no matter what I do.

Now and then it seems

that life is just too much.

But you've got the love

I need to see me through.

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

Come here.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

You've got the love

You've got the love.

Sometimes I feel like saying

'Lord, I just don't care'

But you've got the love I need

To see me through.

Yay!

Put that can down, Nan,

you've had enough.

- Sorry, Harry.

- Nice one, Nan.

Told you once before

And I won't tell you no more

Get down, get down, get down

You're a bad dog, baby

But I still want you around

You give me the creeps

When you jump on your feet

So get down, get down, get down

Keep your hands to yourself

I'm strictly out of bounds

Once upon a time

I drank a little wine

Was as happy as could be

Happy as could be

Now I'm just like a cat

On a hot tin roof

Baby what do you think

You're doin' to me?

Told you once before

And I won't tell you no more

So get down, get down, get down

You're a bad dog, baby

But I still want you around, around

I still want you around

I don't give a damn

And I'd like you if you can to

Get down, get down, get down

You're a bad dog baby

But I still want you around

Once upon a time

I drank a little wine

Was as happy as could be

Happy as could be

Now I'm just like a cat

On a hot tin roof

Baby what do you think

You're doin' to me?

Rate this script:4.7 / 3 votes