The Hasty Heart Page #3

We didn't introduce ourselves

this morning. I'm Sister Parker.

It's nice to have you here.

Lachlan MacLachlan, that's a nice name.

You're a Scot, aren't you?

I'd hardly be called MacLachlan

if I were not a Scot.

Oh, I don't know.

Quite a few parents give their children

Scottish names because they like them.

Aye, it deceives no one.

Parading under false pretenses.

Well, I doubt if it's a deliberate

plot against the Scots.

I presume we've exhausted

this topic of conversation.

Is there aught more you want of me?

I guess not.

Come along. We'll find you a bed.

This way, please.

Now, boys, this is our new patient,

Corporal Lachlan MacLachlan.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I know you're all going to be great friends.

- Yeah. Of course we are.

- Yes.

You'll find that Corporal MacLachlan

has a wonderful sense of humor.

- Yank, would you fix him up with a bed?

- Sure.

I do not like to have things done for me.

Don't you?

I love to have things done for me.

You may. Not I.

The Colonel said you could sit up

if you wanted to, or get into bed and rest.

I'll sit and think a bit.

Just as you like.

Here, buster, try this one.

The last fella that had it

was a light sleeper. No bumps.

I'll take this one.

- Want a smoke?

- I've my own.

Go on. Take one of these,

they're not issue. I got them from home.

- I do not accept presents.

- Why not?

I've no wish to put myself

in any man's debt.

Well, a cigarette isn't gonna

put you very deep in debt.

I'll smoke my own.

Okay.

Hey, Jock.

He's talking to you.

My name's no Jock!

All Scots are Jock to me.

If you must address me,

you'll use my proper name.

Well, I... I heard Sister call you something,

but I didn't catch it.

- What is it?

- It's Lachlan something.

All right, Lachie. How's that?

- What did you want?

- I thought you might feel like talking.

- About such as?

- Well, nothing. Just talk.

I place little value on talking of nothing.

He's a Scot all right.

Hey, Lachie!

You... You may have noticed

I'm a bit... A bit plump.

- Aye.

- Well, I shouldn't eat this stuff.

Here, you give it to him, Yank.

Here you are, buster.

May I be so bold as to ask

what you're thrusting on my person?

Well, it's a bar of chocolate.

Don't you want it?

Is it no good?

Well, of course it's good. It's very good.

What do you think

he's giving it to you for?

Well, why are you?

Well, I want it,

but I thought you might want it more.

Is that an insult?

It's not consistent.

Grandfather Angus rides again.

Hey, Lachie, would you like

a book to read?

I place little value on books.

They're a waste of a thinking man's time.

- Oh, so you're a thinking man?

- Aye.

Well, you're also a bit small

to be so unpleasant.

When you get that thing off your arm

I'll show you how unpleasant I can be.

Small as I am.

What regiment were you with, Lachie?

- Why do you ask?

- Just curious.

Thought I might know somebody

in your outfit.

Are you a Scot?

No, but my grandfather was.

I think it unlikely you'd find

your grandfather in my regiment.

Look, buster,

I know where my grandfather is,

he's in the family plot where he belongs.

But I was an ambulance driver,

got around quite a bit.

I thought we might have

some friends in common.

Most unlikely. I do not make friends freely.

You don't make friends, period!

- Well, how are we getting along?

- Great. We're all buddies.

Well, Lachie, how was supper?

I do not consider soybeans

fit for human consumption.

I suppose you like haggis better?

What do you know of haggis?

You're not a Scot, are you?

No, I'm Canadian.

But I once taught school in Scotland.

- Do you happen to know Ayrshire?

- You looked on my card.

- I was born in Ayrshire.

- No.

Now, if you tell me you belong to the

Cameron Highlanders I won't believe you.

- Aye, I do.

- You don't.

Have you trouble

with your hearing, Sister?

Oh, they're a grand regiment.

You wear the Erracht kilt, don't you?

- Them as does, do.

- Would you wear it for us?

Wouldn't you boys like

to see Lachie in his kilt?

Do we have a choice?

Oh, you must put it on.

With your cap cocked over one eye

and your kilt swishing

as you walk down the street,

you must be the proudest man

in the world.

I do not have a kilt.

- You must have a kilt.

- I do not must at all.

But you said you belonged

to the Camerons?

We're required to pay

for the kilt ourselves.

And there's a great cost to a proper kilt.

If I were in your regiment I'd buy the finest

to be had, no matter what it costs.

Being a woman, you would.

I put my money to better use.

It's in Scotland.

In the earth.

I knew it! He's got it buried in a tin can!

Would you care to have me

rattle your jaw with my fist!

Oh, relax, buster.

You wouldn't hit a man with malaria,

would you?

Yank, if you're not well,

lie down and be quiet. And please be civil.

Go on, Lachie.

I'll not return to Scotland with naught

but wounds to show for my time.

I've invested my money in a bit of land.

I'll be a landowner when I go home.

Oh.

Now, why you say "Oh"?

What on earth is finer than a farm?

Land of your own to work on.

Spend the rest of your life content.

And is your land about paid for?

A couple of months

and my farm's my own.

Lachie, why don't you

do something very foolish?

Why don't you buy yourself a kilt?

I can tell you want one,

and the land will wait.

The kilt will wait.

Are you going

to share your farm with someone?

I share with no one.

- You're going to live all by yourself?

- Aye.

And you won't be lonely?

I've never been lonely in my life.

And now, if you don't mind,

you're keeping me awake.

What's more, you're wasting

a good deal of my time in idle chatter.

Yes. I guess I am.

All right, get your nets down.

- Right-o, Sister.

- Good night, Sister.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Look, buster, do you mind

if I ask you just one question?

I'll grant you one.

What are you so griped about?

Would you be so kind

as to speak the King's English?

Buster, I've got a parrot

talks better English than you do.

A pity you didn't learn

from your parrot then.

I just wanna know what you're sore at.

When people try to be friendly,

why can't you be nice?

Who's being friendly?

Well, the Sister for one,

and us too for that matter.

Well, you should've told me,

I could've saved you time and trouble.

I place no value on casual friendships.

I do not like to have

my freedom nibbled into.

Just what do you put a value on?

If you'd use your God-given wits,

you wouldn't need ask.

- I value my privacy. Do you mind?

- Well, you can have it.

You can sit in your own private world

and hug yourself to death.

As far as we're concerned, brother,

you won't exist!

If you do not mind, I'm not your brother!

Somebody give me a dull razor,

I think I'll cut my throat.

Hey, Yank, Sister's gonna take

a dim view of this.

Well, he asked for it, didn't he?

He's getting just what he wants.

All right. Good night, Kiwi.

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