The Heart of the Deal Page #2

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- Oh, now you're just

f***ing with me.

[ Chuckling ]

- Wow.

? Smooth vocal jazz ?

And then he say

to me, "We can date."

And with this little

smile on his face,

he says my job is useless,

I'm powerless,

and nobody gives

a sh*t what I think.

Which is true, but I can't

stand that he said that.

And I'm angry and bitter

but I cover well.

[ Phone ringing ]

Can you turn that sh*t down?

Hello?

Oh, yeah. Hello, Howard.

Yes, I met with him today.

Charlie Berns.

What? Well, why?

I told him we were interested.

Well, I just thought that

someone might want to read it.

Howard, I'll do it first

thing tomorrow morning.

OK.

OK, I'm going to do it tonight.

All right, thank you, Howard.

Good night.

- Dinner in two minutes!

- Excuse me!

- Hi!

or Charlie Berns.

- Hi!I'm looking f

- He's asleep.

Are you with

Jeremy Irons' people?

- No, I'm from the studio.

Deidre Hearn.

- Oh! Uh, right!

Um, hi.

I'm Lionel Travitz.

- Nice to meet you.

Oh, you're the...

- Writer. I wroteBill and Ben.

- Well, good for you.

Can I get a clean copy

of the script from you?

- Yeah. Sure.

Um, yeah.

- Well, I hate to wake

him at 1:
15 like this,

but it's important.

Could you...

- I'm awake.

Come into my office.

- Uh, it's just right

down to the right.

And then in the hallway.

- Down the hall!

I'm in the back!

You're getting warm!

You didn't bring

coffee, did you?

- Sorry.

- I have pants on.

- Fascinating.

- No, I'm telling you that so

you'll be comfortable.

- Thank you.

Listen, I told you

we were interested.

Why did you take it

to Universal?

- Oh, don't get all

army-foldy on me.

I played your boss, not you.

Your studio's going

to the Canadians.

He's got to go to the board

with the new Bobby Mason picture

to keep his job.

I just nudged him.

I tried to nudge you,

but you're not nudgeable.

I'm a wily coyote.

I put a deal memo together

on that pile of crap.

[ Chuckling ]

- You're a bargain!

- My fee's

a little outrageous

put I do have you

over a barrel.

The budget's $100 mil,

plus or minus 10.

I don't know what

Bobby costs these days.

[ Exhaling ]

- There's a tree in your pool.

- California Pepper.

- It's a Jacaranda.

- Here's a clean

copy for you.

- No, no, no.

- Thank you so much.

- You can't see that.

- For me.

No one will see it.

- No. Thank you, Lionel.

Lionel...

So, when do we start shooting?

- We can't make a movie

if we don't have a script.

- Wait, I didn't want to

embarrass my nephew,

but I hired a new writer.

You'll have a script

in a couple of days.

- Couple of days?

- I have to pee.

And I wasn't completely

honest about my pants.

- I'll see myself out.

- OK, tell 'em to call me.

- OK.

- How are they going

to call you, Char...

How are they going

to call you, Charlie,

if you don't have a phone?

- You are one sharp cookie.

Tell them, I'll call them.

[ Urinating ]

- Are they going to make it?

- Oh, yeah.

- Hey, where's my script?

What's this?

Six Days of Darkness?

- I like that girl.

- F*** you!

- How's it coming, Wing?

- The script? Yeah, OK.

You bring the cash?

- Let me read a couple

of pages first.

- OK.

Next time, huh?

I trust you.

OK, weapons expert,

he go off deep end in Desert

Storm, emigrate to Israel.

- That's good.

- Chick operative,

she grow up in kibbutz.

Drive tank and give

hand job same time!

- I'm lovin' it!

- Picture Beirut.

Suicide mission.

-Bill and Ben?

- It's an indie.

It's an art film.

Beautifully-written.

- Bobby Mason?

- It's William Gladstone

and Benjamin Disraeli

debating tariff laws in

the House of Commons

during the reign

of Queen Victoria.

- Bobby likes it?

- Bobby hasn't read it.

He doesn't read scripts.

It's his rabbi.

He's Jewish now.

- Make it work!

I'm going into the boardroom

and announcing that we're making

the next Bobby Mason picture.

So make it work!

- Bobby cannot do

this script.

Bobby Mason

doesn't do words.

He kicks, he flips,

he runs from explosions,

he beats people up.

I mean, what is this?

"I was not blind

"to the worldly advantages

of such an alliance.

"I found you as I thought."

What is that?

Some kind of joke?

- How about a

calming chai latte?

This is what happens

when people take things

that don't belong to them.

Tomorrow, you will have

a new Bobby Mason script

on your desk.

He will kick, he will flip,

he will kill people,

and everyone will love it.

- Why are you doing this?

- For fun.

We're in the

entertainment business.

I'm entertaining myself.

What else are

we going to do?

Get all depressed and suck on

the tailpipe of our car?

- Argh...

- Deidre?

Are you sleeping with anyone?

- Excuse me?

- It's just...

I haven't had sex

for a long time.

- Oh...

I get it. You're shocking.

Well, I'm not surprised you

haven't had sex in a long time,

because you're also

crude and disgusting.

- Are you?

- I am engaged to be married.

His name is Glenn.

He is a corporate lawyer.

He's great-looking.

A gourmet chef.

He's got a terrific dick

and he really knows

how to use it.

What else can I

tell you about him?

- Wow.

- Wow exactly.

- I'm just saying I could've

done the re-write.

I could've taken your notes.

- Lionel, listen to me.

You've already done the

heavy lifting in this thing.

You've got your name on

a Bobby Mason picture.

Relax. Enjoy the ride.

- But I'm just saying--

- Let me put it

to you this way.

Think of yourself as the

architect of a cathedral.

You decide where the nave

and the pulpit goes,

but you don't actually paint

stained glass windows.

You get a craftsman to do that.

- What if I don't like the

stained glass windows?

- You'll like 'em, trust me.

- That's cool.

- Yeah. That's what

we all live for.

Our name on a parking space.

Hun, how was work?

- Wow, it's cool.

Is this all ours?

- Easy, big fella.

- Oh, the executive suite!

- Who are you?

- I'm Catherine Oxenmoor.

I've been assigned to you

temporarily from the studio

till you get your own secretary.

- Oh.

- I started yesterday.

- What have you been doing?

- Um...

- Lionel, go to the commissary.

- Hi.

- Commissary!

- It's just across

the courtyard.

Get us some

coffee and something.

- This is very cool,

Uncle Charlie.

- Deidre Hearn has been

trying to reach you.

Should I ring her?

- No. I'll need

Get one to Deidre Hearn.

That young fella who left,

don't give one to him.

- Who is that?

- He's the writer.

- Shall I get

Deidre Hearn for you?

- No.

- Um, where are you going?

- To get some coffee.

- Didn't you send

the writer for coffee?

- Good coffee.

- They drorpped off these forms

for office furniture.

You can choose Southwestern,

Contemporary, Traditional,

Oriental, Mexican...

- You decide.

- You want me to choose?

- Yes.

Sh*t!

- What?

- Would you pull on that

little string right there?

A little lower...

[ Engine starting ]

Thank you.

Tell Lionel I'll see him later.

- Who's Lionel?

- The writer.

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