The Heat Page #3

Synopsis: Sarah Ashburn, an FBI agent, is extremely ambitious and has her eye on a promotion, but she doesn't get along with her co-workers. She is sent to Boston to uncover the identity of an elusive drug lord, Mr. Larkin, by tracking down his proxy, Rojas, and is told that she'll have a good shot at the promotion if she finds Larkin. When she arrives in Boston, she learns that Larkin has been eliminating his competition and taking over their operations. She learns that Rojas is in Boston PD custody and goes to see him to ask him what he knows about Larkin, but is warned that the cop who arrested Rojas, Shannon Mullins, is very territorial, and she is not exactly sociable. When the two meet they don't get along. When Mullins learns why Ashburn is in Boston, she decides to find Larkin herself. Ashburn is told by her boss to work with Mullins, but it won't be easy because Ashburn does things by the book while Mullins does things her way.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Paul Feig
Production: 20th Century Fox
  7 wins & 16 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.6
Metacritic:
60
Rotten Tomatoes:
65%
R
Year:
2013
117 min
$158,300,000
Website
7,999 Views


How can I help you?

You can get all of that

and get the f*** out of here.

This is my room

Were you about to be

questioned by a detective?

I am a detective

and that's my perp.

Ah! I understand now.

Detective, Mr. Rojas will

be continuing on with me.

No.

It's a jurisdictional issue.

Not gonna happen.

Your efforts are duly noted.

Oh, great.

And if you're okay with

everything, could you just...

...close the door on the way out?

I'll shut the door on you.

Will you lay down and put

your head in the door?

I'll slam it

about 157,000 times.

Aw, sh*t, girl, you better run.

Shut your mouth.

Run like you on fire.

Be quiet.

Get up and we'll

settle this outside.

I won't be going outside.

You're gonna get up

and come outside.

No, ma'am.

Fine. We'll do this inside.

Can somebody remove this person

from the interrogation room?

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

It runs in many families.

I'm gonna hit you.

You're not. Please don't.

I'm gonna hit you and knock

all your little buttons.

I'm gonna hit you there,

or here...

Do not put your finger in...

Stop touching my buttons!

Stop wearing buttons.

Don't move those

f***ing hands at me.

I'll get that stupid barrette!

I'll take that barrette right

out of your f***ing hair!

Stop, stop, stop!

Both of you... my office now.

Nope. Not in there.

There is nothing I can do, Mullins.

The FBI has jurisdiction.

Maybe they're in here.

Stop. Will you stop?

Nope, they're not in there.

What is she doing?

She's looking for my balls.

Hey, if anyone sees

the Captain's balls...

...let me know. They're about

this big, but a lot tinier.

They're like a pea... or

like a ball bearing.

Or if you've ever seen a mouse

ball, about half that size.

Incredibly tiny. They're

like really, really tiny...

...little girl balls.

If little girls had balls.

So if you find little,

tiny girl balls...

...that are so f***ing

tiny and shriveled up...

...let me know, because I'll put

them right back up his scrotum!

Knock it off.

How about you do

something for once?

What do you want me to do?

Have my back

and stop being so goddamn

disappointing like everybody else!

Well, that was professional.

Was that not professional?

Here.

Let me be professional. Let

me help you pick up your bag.

That's very mature.

Let me just

straighten that sh*t up.

Oh, wait, hey!

Good news! Good news,

I found his balls!

In a clear sack! Yeah, enjoy that.

Shove those back up there.

Cop of the year!

Keep it up!

This job is destroying me.

You know how old I am?

58?

I'm 43 years old.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, I always round up.

I have a five-year-old son

who calls me grandpa!

So, uh... anyhoo, sir...

...if you could

just... you know...

...keep her... away from me...

...that would

be... very helpful.

She stole your keys,

didn't she?

Yes, she did. Do you know

where I can find her?

She's probably at O'Flanagan's.

It's a bar down the street.

It's a little divey.

You might want to wear a vest.

Okay I'm Rambo I ramshack

I'm next to that cheese

like rat traps

On top of that green

like grass ass

That's over y'all head

like snapbacks

I get it where I fit in,

put up then I put in

Tryna find an ass

I can put my f***ing foot in

Run this sh*t,

no, I run this sh*t

Don't give one f***, b*tch

I done this sh*t...

Sir, is this place open?

Is there a door... Oh.

So there is. Could you point

it out to me with your finger?

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Hand them over.

Give me the keys. Now.

Oh, my God.

Did you drop something?

I apologize.

You are so concerned about

taking down a guy like Rojas...

...wasting all this time

when I could have stopped a drug

lord who is far more dangerous...

...and supplies to

people like Rojas.

Bullshit. Who?

Okay, you want to

see some bull feces?

I think I said "bullshit".

Here's some bull poo-poo.

How does that look?

See that? Oh, come on.

I got a kid here.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm very, very sorry.

Wait a minute, this is a bar.

No, absolutely not.

No, no, no, no.

Why do I not know

who Simon Larkin is?

That would probably be because

the FBI knows more than you do.

Anything happening in my

neighborhood I have a right to know.

No, you actually don't.

You want to know.

And you do not

have the clearance

that would allow you to read

everything that is in this file.

Okay, all right!

When bad sh*t happens

in my neighborhood,

I get a little

passionate about it.

I shouldn't have read your files.

I went too far.

Well, I accept your apology.

But you need to understand that

this is a highly important case.

And the information is

highly, highly sensitive.

Therefore we have

these clearances.

I don't have the clearances.

Right? I mean, you are...

You are, wow, FBI.

I mean, you are a goddamn

angel of the law.

Well, that's a little...

I want you to spread those

wings and just soar.

Watch it!

You watch it.

I'm a federal agent.

Oh, yeah? Well, guess what, you dick!

I'm a federal agent, too!

I work at the post office.

Well, I appreciate the work you do

for us on the ground. Thank you.

You bet your ass you do.

I see no one will be

getting their mail today!

Good burn.

Good burn. You got burned,

you big drunk paddy!

Kiss my c*nt,

you twat!

So we are good?

Thank you.

Thank you.

America thanks you.

And I it.

And it you.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Yes, okay.

Good day.

Dumbass.

So how

you been, Jason?

You want to talk

about Simon Larkin?

I never heard of him.

Don't lie to me.

You're my brother,

I know when you're lying.

I'm just a low-level guy.

I heard of Larkin

but I never met him.

He's a goddamn animal, and I'm

trying to keep him from meeting you.

You gonna storm through Boston

and take down a drug lord?

Yeah, I might.

Have you met me?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Yeah, shut up.

Look, I get out tomorrow.

I'm coming home.

I'm gonna be fine.

I promise, all right?

Oh! Never approach me if

I'm not expecting you!

What are you, an animal?

You said you would

stay off my case,

and now I find you in front

of Tatiana's apartment.

I live here.

Oh, that's hilarious.

You know what's not funny?

That you stole a

confidential FBI case file.

I don't remember any of that.

I'm going to say it one more time.

Stand down, Officer.

F*** off, Officer.

Oh, okay, now you've really done it.

I'm going to call my boss.

Yeah, you do that, tattle tits!

F***ing narc!

Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

It's Ashburn, sir.

I need authorization...

...to suspend a police officer

from my investigation.

Ashburn, why is working with local

authorities a problem for you?

Sir, it's not.

I understand how this might

sound coming from me...

...but I think this individual might

actually be mentally unstable.

Her captain says she

grew up on those streets

and knows them

better than anyone.

That seems like an asset

to our investigation.

Sir, I...

No, just work with her.

Show me you can do this

or forget the promotion.

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes

Katie Dippold

Katie Dippold is a screenwriter, actress, and comedian. She was a writer on the NBC series Parks and Recreation and wrote The Heat starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. The Heat won the 2014 American Comedy Award for best screenplay and favorite comedy of the year at the People's Choice Awards. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Heat" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_heat_20413>.

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