The Heyday of the Insensitive Bastards Page #6

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guy who works for NASA. Yeah. Lila: F***.

Keen:
They already had a kid. And

another one on the way. Lila: Wow.

Keen:
Yeah. The whole time I kept thinking about

how crazy she used to be for me, you know?

How it could have been my

kid, calling me daddy.

Like somehow I had given up my

chance to walk on the moon.

Lila:
It is not to late you

know. To walk on the moon.

Keen:
Nah! I hate flying.

Always have.

Lila:
Is that right?

Keen:
Uh huh.

Barnett:
Pussies!

Pussies! Pussies!

Barnett:
You are the

biggest p*ssy of them all.

Lila:
It is true.

Lila:
Eww! F*** you! F*** you!

Keen:
F***! Oww!

Clete:
We can get five cents for these.

Wanna help me collect them?

Clete:
What happened to him?

Lila:
Him or the other one?

Clete:
Okay. This f***ing guy.

Clete:
You coming?

Keen:
We cannot just leave

him out here.

Clete:
Well, wake him up.

Clete:
Jesus Christ.

Clete:
You could damage your bladder

holding your pee that long.

Keen:
F*** it, now what?

Clete:
You are on the right track, maybe

just thinking a little too small.

Keen:
F*** head, come here.

Grab his arms I got an idea.

Clete:
Oh sh*t. Yes sir,

yes sir.

Keen:
Alright walk this way.

Keen & clete together: One,

two, three!

Clete:
Sh*t! Barnett wake up

you bastard! Wake up Barnett!

Clete:
He is f***ing around.

Clete:
Barnett!

Clete:
Oh f***!

Clete:
It is some consolation

that he was an a**hole.

Clete:
But - what are you going

to tell Lila?

Keen:
Nothing. We are not

telling Lila anything.

Lila:
I cannot believe this.

Who dies??

Keen:
Can you not say it like

that.

Lila:
Like what?

Clete:
Of all the days to run

out of f***ing alcohol!

Lila:
Did you check his pulse?

Keen:
Yeah.

Lila:
Do not tell Stu. Do not

f***ing tell anyone.

Lila:
Promise me.

Lila:
Promise me!

Keen:
I promise.

Keen narrating:
I do not think Lila had any

second thoughts about being my girlfriend.

I did not. But you know how it is, you

fall in love, you cannot see beyond it.

I guess that is where time,

it just, gets away from you.

Keen:
Is that sh*t or vomit?

Clete:
This is damnation

territory.

Keen:
I may have had something

to do with that.

Stu:
Should someone say a few

words?

Clete:
Okay. Rest in peace.

Umm, yeah. Amen.

Clete:
Okay. Rest in peace.

Umm, yeah. Amen.

Keen:
I think you should run

some water.

Lila:
There is an idea.

Keen:
That is my shirt you know.

Keen:
Wanna get married?

Lila:
My parents float me

some money every couple months.

Lila:
That could pay for

our marriage certificate.

Lila:
Do you have any savings?

Keen:
Do not worry I will buy

you a big old ring.

Lila:
I guess I could go back

to waitressing.

Keen:
Yeah, that would be good.

Keen:
Good morning, sir.

Sheriff:
Morning - I hate to bother you.

But your wife came by.

Sheriff:
Said you murdered a

man?

Keen narrating:
I mean it was

perfect.

Keen narrating:
Down to my damn underwear.

Glass of whiskey in my hand.

I just looked at him and said -

I would not call it murder.

I realize now that was a slip.

It is never easy to know what to

say in the moment, is it?

You know, there is one last

thing that I remember.

So all the dogs in town, they were barking

at us when we arrived that first night.

Not knowing what we were getting

into.

That I would murder a man.

Manslaughter a dog. And fall in love.

Despite what you might think.

Those f***ing dogs. They would not stop

barking. What do you think that means??

Those f***ing dogs. They would not stop

barking. What do you think that means??

Narrator:
Some character will complain that

his nowhere life is everyone else fault.

All you have to do is sit on

the wrong stool.

To get the good stories

you have to make an effort.

You have to live them.

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