The History of Mr. Polly Page #6

a chap like me!

(Breathing heavily)

Please.

Please! It isn't my affair!

(Sobbing quietly)

- You've come back.

- Rather.

He's mad drunk

and looking for the child.

- Where is she?

- Locked upstairs.

Right. I'll see to it.

- Out this way?

- Mm.

(Jim, slurring) # You love her,

she loves you

# And that's a pretty good sign

# That she's your tootsie-wootsie

# In the good old summertime!

# In the good old summertime

# In the good old summertime

# Strolling through a shady lane

# With your... #

You.

Scoot.

- Your job.

- (Growls)

(Clunk)

Bottles. Bottles!

Fightin' with bottles, eh?

I'll show him, fightin' with bottles.

Bottles, eh?

(Chicken clucking)

(Roars)

(Bottle smashing)

(Yells)

Get me out of this! (Growls)

Get me out of this!

Let me in! (Banging on door)

(Banging continues)

Let me in! I'll kill you for this!

(Banging continues)

Ha!

(Grunting and yelling)

Oh!

You keep out. Keep out!

You know I've got a weak chest.

I hate water.

This ain't fair fighting.

- This cold's getting to my marrow.

- You want cooling.

- You keep out in it.

- I've got to land, you fool.

You keep out. Don't you ever

land on this place again. Keep out.

I'll skin you for this.

You keep off, or I'll do worse to you.

I'll be back. Make no mistake,

I'll be back.

(Quiet chatter)

Where's that muddy-faced mongrel?

(Jim) Where's that bloody wisp

with the punt pole?

Come out of it, you potbellied

drunken degenerate you.

Come out and have your ugly face wiped!

Do you hear me?

I've got a thing for you.

He's back. I knew he'd come back.

Come out of my nest, you cuckoo, you,

or I'll cut your insides out!

Just give me that old poker handle

under the beer engine, will you?

I, er... I say. There's a chap out here

seems to want someone.

I think he appears to have brought you

a present of fish.

(Jim) He's hiding!

That's what he's doing - hiding!

I wish you'd come outside

and persuade him to go away.

His language isn't quite the thing...

for ladies.

It never was.

(Jim) Come out of

it, you pockmarked rat!

(Man) Now, my man,

be careful what you're saying.

(Jim) And who in all the world and

hereafter are you to call me "my man"?

You gold-eyed geezer, you.

- Restrain yourself!

- Bah.

Oh!

- (Mr Polly) Stop it!

- Ah!

Now, that's the bloke I'm looking for.

- (Slap)

- Oh!

- Suffragettes everywhere!

- (All shouting)

(Crockery clattering)

Duck him! That's the best thing -

duck him!

- Get the clothes line, somebody!

- It's in the garden!

- He's fainted!

- A fit, perhaps!

- (Mr Polly) Look out!

- (Women gasp)

(Woman) Oh, Maurice.

(2nd woman) Oh, at least he's gone.

(Animated chatter)

Jim? Haven't you heard?

Jim's been lagged again, missus,

three days ago.

Jim in jail? What for?

Thieving a 'atchet.

Er... hatchet, did you say?

- Yes, a 'atchet.

- Oh.

- What did he steal a 'atchet for?

- He said he wanted a 'atchet.

I, er... I wonder what he wanted

a hatchet for.

Oh, I dare say he had a use for it.

Yes. Hmm.

I shall stick to it,

hatchets or no hatchets.

Erm... how much did you say

they'd given him?

- Ten days.

- Ten days.

That's what I said. (Sniffs) Ten days.

(Mouths)

(Whistles)

(Click)

(Gasps)

What are you doing down here?

It's past midnight.

You put that thing away. You know very

well I won't have a gun in the house.

You leave it down here, get rid of it

first thing in the morning.

Didn't you hear what I said? I don't

like 'em. Frighten me to death, they do.

Now you leave it down here

where it's safe.

Well, I... I don't want to do anything

you wouldn't like.

No wish to frighten you,

but perhaps you've forgotten.

Forgotten what?

- Oh, you mean Jim?

- Yes.

Due out today.

Hatchet, remember?

All the same,

I don't like the idea of firearms.

Nasty things. You never know

when they're going to go off.

Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to fire

it. That's not my idea at all.

Only going to use it for show,

frighten any trespassers.

I shan't get a wink of sleep,

not with that thing in the house.

Look.

Not even loaded. Besides,

it'll give me a bit of confidence.

Well...

don't you do anything silly now.

- Good night.

- Good night.

(Grunting)

(Fabric ripping)

(Ripping)

He's missed him, he's missed him!

Oi! Oi!

(Bang)

(Cow mooing in distance)

(Birdsong)

Fishing.

A medative and retrospectaceous pursuit.

Always promised meself,

first chance I've had.

Three years.

Three good, enjoyable years.

Worked hard too.

Miriam.

I wonder what's happened to her.

What's she doing?

Should've made sure she was all right.

Oh, blow.

Well, I ought to go back,

oughtn't I?

Make sure she's not in want.

I don't have to see her,

of course, actually speak to her.

No, it would upset her, probably.

Caught many?

No, not many.

I was just wondering.

Would it put you out very much

if I went off for a day or two?

- Bit of a holiday?

- No.

No, that'll be all right.

There won't be much doing now

till Thursday.

(Bicycle bell)

(Bicycle bell)

- Can I have tea?

- Well, you can,

but our tea room's upstairs.

My sister's been cleaning it out

and it's a bit upset.

- It would be.

- I beg your pardon?

I said, er, I didn't mind. Up here?

I dare say there'll be a table.

Nothing like turning everything

upside down when you're cleaning.

It's my sister's way.

She'll be back soon, I expect.

It's a nice light room when it's tidy.

Shall I put you a table over here?

No, let me.

Unusual name, Polly. Polly & Larkins.

- Real, I suppose.

- Polly's my sister's name.

She married a Mr Polly.

- Widow, I presume.

- Three years, come October.

Found drowned, he was.

There was a lot of talk in the place.

Wouldn't have known him, my sister, if

not for his name sewn in his trousers.

- Must have been rather a shock to her.

- It was a shock.

But sometimes a shock's better

than a long agony.

Wasn't a particularly good sort,

I don't suppose, this, er, Mr Polly.

He was a wearing husband.

I often pitied my sister.

He was one of the sort that...

- Dissolute?

- No.

Not exactly dissolute.

Feeble's more the word.

Weak, he was. Weak as water.

- Business brisk?

- Mustn't grumble, we do quite nicely.

Was there an inquest

on this whatshisname... Polly?

- Of course.

- You're sure it was him?

- Who else could it have been?

- Oh, nobody. Oh, course.

I'll just go and get your tea.

Business all right,

Miriam all right, must be.

Doing nicely, Annie said.

Well, that's all I wanted to know,

isn't it?

Satisfied? Completely.

Righto.

Good afternoon.

Aren't you gonna have your tea?

I wonder what's become of Jim.

Hmm. Yes, I wonder sometimes.

Whatever have we done

to deserve an evening like this, eh?

Look at it.

You know, sometimes

I think I live for sunsets.

- I don't see it does you any good.

- (Chuckles)

No, nor me, but I do.

Whenever there's signs of a good sunset

and I'm not too busy,

we ought to come and sit out here.

Time we were going in, old Potty,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes