The Hoax Page #2

"Mr. Clifford"? Wait a minute.

I'm meeting with you?

Oh, no. Excuse me.

Mr. Clifford...

Excuse me!

Hello, I'm sorry, everybody. Andrea...

I'm sorry. I did tell him, but...

Cliff, I'm in the middle

of a conference meeting.

Cliff, I'm in the middle

of a conference meeting.

Andrea, our personal history demands

that I bring this to you first.

Bring what?

I'm working on the most important book

of the 20th century.

It's unprecedented.

I'm gonna discuss it tomorrow.

I'm gonna present the details

about it tomorrow.

- Okay.

- Morning, 9:
00 a.m.

- Thank you.

- At Nathan's Bowling Alley in Queens.

- Did I ever take you there before?

- Sir?

Okay, yeah, I'm going, I'm going.

You'd better be sure, Andrea,

that I don't have anything,

'cause Simon and Schuster is coming.

"Of the century"? Couldn't you

have just said "of the decade"?

All right, all right.

- And why a bowling alley?

- Please, make a contribution here.

Just open your mind.

The first thing that comes to your mind.

- Potato famine.

- Too Irish.

- A history of agriculture.

- Oh, that's a bestseller.

- Shedding new light on World War I.

- What's the new light?

Write about Picasso.

Everyone loves Picasso.

- I don't.

- Charlemagne?

- Too French.

- History of the Vatican.

- I'm dying.

- Give me a clue here.

- I'm being self-destructive.

- I gotta call Barbara.

I'm burning bridges, Edith.

They never appreciated you there.

I need lunch.

I'm having a breakdown.

- My gallery show's in three weeks.

- I know.

I don't have time

for the drama now, darling.

Sh*t.

HERE COMES THE SUN PLAYING

Dick!

Size 7.

How?

No one knows where he is.

I show up, I've seen him.

I've seen the snowman.

I send him my de Hory book.

He reads it.

It's a positive portrayal

of a very complex man.

Oh, my God, I get a response.

Correspondence. Sparks fly.

Personal connection.

We become best of friends.

What do you think?

- What is it? What's the book?

- Wait, wait.

Where's Simon and Schuster, Tolstoy?

This is the key to it.

Have a strong, continuous line,

keep the pen on the paper.

Just like that.

All these articles say the same thing.

Hughes runs

a billion-dollar network of companies,

but he only communicates

with handwritten memos.

He doesn't even talk to his top guys.

There's no direct contact anywhere.

That's why it's gonna work.

Fine. Tell me my dick grew

five inches last night.

I'll still use a ruler.

Howard Hughes?

Howard Hughes, the billionaire?

His exclusive,

authorized autobiography.

He wants Cliff to write it with him.

And they want us to publish it.

Handwriting analysis? Right away.

Can we bring it over right now?

"It would not suit me to die without

having stated the truth about my life."

"My life."

"I therefore authorize Clifford Irving

to act as intermediary

"as to any arrangements regarding

the publishing of my memoir."

ANDREA:
"It would not suit me to die

"without having

certain misconceptions cleared up

"and without having stated

the truth about my life."

So,

taking you at your word...

Yeah.

How does Mr. Hughes propose

we proceed?

I...

Look, this is all very strange.

I'm just getting

the lay of the land here myself.

But what...

What I can gather so far

is that he refuses to go outdoors.

He will only initiate,

never accept, phone calls.

Those two particular rumors

seem to be true.

But he did say that he would provide

handwritten contracts

for legal purposes.

And... Whatever questions you...

You know, you give them to me,

I'll pass them on

when he makes contact with me.

But beyond that,

I don't know what to say, really.

Why you, Cliff?

He could have any writer in the world

do this for him.

Albert, I have absolutely no idea.

This is the strangest thing

that has ever happened to me.

Best guess, he likes me.

So, the matching against the reprinted

letters from Newsweek magazine,

Osborn Associates' preliminary opinion

is that the handwriting samples

are genuine.

- Okay, well, all right...

- Excuse me one second.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah?

- Clifford?

- Yeah?

Did you and Howard discuss

how much you both wanted?

Because we would like

to make you an offer today.

We did. We did. We...

We did discuss it.

UP AROUND THE BEND PLAYING

- Can I weigh in here?

- No.

A man walks in, he says something

completely implausible,

and for that exact reason,

he is believed.

No, it's an Aquarian phenomenon.

- Very, very spiritual.

- Lawyers are not spiritual.

Presumably, this is gonna make news.

Howard Hughes hasn't spoken

to the press in 15 years.

What are you so nervous about?

- You can't think, Dick. No thinking.

- All I'm saying is, once this gets out,

what's gonna stop this guy

from suing our asses off?

Three words. TWA shareholder lawsuit.

Howard has a judgment of

if he walks into any courtroom.

So the book comes out,

it doesn't matter. He can't sue.

He can still say it's a fake.

He doesn't say anything

about anything. This guy...

He uses ripped-up Kleenex boxes

for slippers and he drinks his own piss.

- He's psychotic.

- DICK:
Have you heard of Intertel?

He has his own private CIA.

Ruthless advisors.

His advisors don't know anything

about the book

because he's too paranoid to tell them.

And he'll never come out of hiding

long enough to denounce me

because he's a lunatic hermit.

And I am the spokesperson

for the lunatic hermit.

So the more outrageous I sound,

the more convincing I am.

Do you believe this, the perfection?

- They offered half a million.

- Half a million dollars?

Four-hundred grand for Howard

and a hundred grand for us!

Oh, I thought you meant

just a half a million for us.

Schmuck, it's all for us.

There is no Howard Hughes.

- Dick, are you paying attention to me?

- Yeah.

The problem is this.

It's an oral agreement.

Their lawyers are gonna

jump all over this,

which is why

we have to leave right now.

We gotta become experts

on this man's life.

And if we find dirt and it rings true,

the top guys will shove this deal

right down the lawyers' throats.

Cliff,

no visits with special friends, right?

I'm not going to do anything

to jeopardize what we've rebuilt, okay?

You just said to warn you

when you get excited.

- You seem excited.

- Well...

I love you.

I love you.

Cliff, Howard Hughes' testimony

at the Senate committee hearings

in 1947.

It's got his speech patterns,

his syntax, everything. It's perfect.

Take a picture.

You can't photograph

a government document, it's a felony.

You gonna memorize it?

Take a picture. Take a picture.

I'm a researcher, Cliff.

I am not a jewel thief.

You own 25 percent of this book.

You want it to be good?

You take a picture.

DICK:
You know, I've always had

a dangerous side.

Barbara has often remarked on it.

But to take down the Library

of Congress. God, the adrenaline.

You took a nice picture

of your leg here.

- Or is that your ankle? I can't tell.

- Where?

Right there.

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