The Hoax Page #8

parade through his voting precinct...

... and Owen Brewster was

a thieving, lying jackal.

If you've got a jackal after you...

I flew around the world in 1938,

for the only decent reason

a young man does anything.

Because he feels like it.

They set a meeting for Mr. Octavio

and he's gonna show up here.

This is perhaps the most bizarre

communiqu I have ever received.

And I need your help

in implementing its requirements.

At 1:
00 p.m. Tomorrow,

the top four floors of this building

are to be evacuated.

All the carpeting on the 14th floor

is to be removed.

Floors are to be washed and waxed.

All the windows are to be covered

with black material,

a kind which does not accumulate dust.

Does that apply to my windows also,

Mr. Irving?

Yeah. I'd go ahead

and cover them up, Harold.

I think it's the best thing. Play it safe.

This is sensitive material.

I'm still deciding whether or not

to put this in the book, but...

I think you should put it

somewhere safe.

- Of course, Cliff.

- Okay.

All right, then...

Here's our manuscript.

Hope you like it.

Hope to God I do, too.

All right, I'll bring down Howard

as soon as he gets here.

All right.

All right, check the western...

Make sure that the diameter

is exactly right.

It's okay?

- Yeah, don't worry about me.

- You're doing good.

Yes, on the spot. Correct.

You see and...

MAN:
He doesn't like fumes.

We might not wanna

let this fly off the building.

- What do you think?

- Give me that.

- Did you copy this, by hand?

- Yes.

- From the original.

- Cliff!

- No photocopy, right?

- No!

I kept...

I am fully aware of the restrictions, Cliff.

- All right?

- Brad?

- I did it by hand.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

Why do I always want to strangle Brad?

Every time.

Is that him?

Do you see it?

- That's him! He's here!

- Oh, my God!

He's landing! Clear the roof!

- Get your things. Go! Come on!

- Quickly.

Where's he going?

I don't know.

Oh, no. This is not happening.

Can we head back?

He was 50 feet

from the f***ing building.

All right? My diagram is fine.

It's not outside of...

- Andrea, do you have the original?

- Yes.

It's not outside the scope

of my capabilities, diagramming

- a simple copy of what he wrote.

- We'll find out.

- I can do that.

- You switched east and west. Why?

Why did you do... Look!

No, I wrote

what was on the damn page.

No, you didn't.

Look, he's an eccentric genius.

He likes things the way he wants them.

Why did you change it?

A three-year-old wouldn't have

f***ed that up.

- Doesn't know east from west.

- Pray that you die, you sniveling twat.

I swear to Christ,

I wrote what was on his page.

Right the same. Exactly the same.

Your book is genuine.

There's no way your material

could have come from anyone

but Howard Hughes.

The colloquialisms,

the idiosyncratic philosophies.

Heck, you have got

a near-perfect account

of a conversation I had with Howard

that I didn't tell

another living soul about.

- Really?

- It's typical Howard Hughes.

- You write it, then deny it.

- It was so... I was having such... Yeah.

He really put you on one hell of a limb,

didn't he, Cliff?

It wasn't easy. No, it wasn't.

But I've had a lot of help.

- It's a masterpiece, Cliff.

- Really?

A masterpiece.

- You liked it?

- I loved it.

Oh, yes! Yes!

Davis is threatening

civil action if the book is published.

Why is he fighting so hard

if the book is authentic?

I wouldn't be surprised

if they got surveillance devices

all over my home, right now,

this second.

The controversy over the

Clifford Irving book on Howard Hughes

is apparently of little concern to those

who stand to profit

from high sales of that book.

If you ask my advice,

the election of George Bush

as United States Senator

will be good for Texas.

I know it will be good for America.

But in any event, he pulled out a bag,

reached in and he pulled out a prune,

and he looked at Dick and offered it

and said, "Would you like a prune?"

And Dick took the prune,

tasted it and he said,

"That's an organic prune."

When this book comes out,

all the naysayers will be amazed

at the wealth,

the depth, the quality, of the material

that's been given to us.

You are so royally full of sh*t.

I mean, I feel very humble

in this situation of being a conduit,

for this kind of revelation

that is not just about this man,

but about our age

and who we are as a people.

- Hello?

- Clifford, I have the money.

I am safe now.

- Edith, where are you?

- I'm at the airport.

But they're watching.

Someone is watching me,

and following me and...

Edith? Edith!

Where's Howard?

You know, Clifford, I have worked

in various capacities for Mr. Hughes

for 19 years now,

and never once have I referred to him

by his first name.

You don't seem to abide

such formalities.

He and I wrote a book together.

Assume for a moment

that I know you didn't,

and that it's not

the topic of the evening.

What is?

The world Mr. Hughes has created

is vast, Clifford.

It covers many industries

and many endeavors.

There are fiefdoms and factions,

traitors and minor rebellions.

You see, Clifford, the men Mr. Hughes

uses as his instruments in the world

are often themselves

the makers of history.

You mean Nixon?

Mr. Hughes wants to know

if you included the information

sent to you in the galleys of your book.

Howard wants to bury Nixon,

doesn't he?

Because his dog

isn't doing tricks anymore,

on TWA, on the Airwest merger,

on anything.

I'm not arrogant enough to speculate

on Mr. Hughes' motives, Clifford.

We just want an answer

to the question.

I'll just say this.

Nothing stops this book

from being published

exactly the way I wrote it.

He wants my help?

He has to speak to me directly.

Are you dictating terms

to Howard Hughes?

I'm the messenger for Howard Hughes.

Why such a burning commitment

to a man you don't know?

But I do know him.

And I deserve to see him.

Presidents have said the same thing

to me, Clifford.

I will tell you what I told them.

It's not a matter of

getting through a door, Clifford.

There is no door to get through.

Lf, though, Clifford, if there were a door,

you would now be hearing

the sound of it closing.

Mr. Hughes wants that information

in the book, Clifford.

I knew it.

So, I put the dirt in, Howard will

let the book go forward, right?

That's the deal.

Do I have any assurances?

Take it on faith, Clifford.

There is a perfect logic to it,

as everything Hughes does has.

It makes sense

that he would choose Cliff

and not someone like Mailer

because then it would be Mailer's book.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

There are claims from some corners

that Mr. Irving has concocted this book

from whole cloth.

Well, for those of us who have read it,

we know that only a Shakespeare

could have accomplished such a feat,

and while Mr. Irving is a fine man,

he is no Shakespeare.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Clifford Irving.

Thank you, thank you.

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