The Holiday

I have found almost everything

ever written about love...

...to be true.

Shakespeare said,

"Journeys end in lovers meeting."

What an extraordinary thought.

Personally, I have not experienced

anything remotely close to that...

...but I'm more than willing to believe

Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love

more than anyone really should.

I'm constantly amazed by its sheer

power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said,

"Love is blind."

Now, that is something

I know to be true.

For some, quite inexplicably...

...love fades.

For others...

...love is simply lost.

But then, of course,

love can also be found.

Even if just for the night.

And then there's

another kind of love.

The cruelest kind.

The one that almost kills its victims.

It's called unrequited love.

Of that, I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people

who fall in love with each other.

But what about the rest of us?

What about our stories?

Those of us who fall in love alone.

We are the victims

of the one-sided affair.

We are the cursed

of the loved ones.

We are the unloved ones.

The walking wounded.

The handicapped without the

advantage of a great parking space.

Yes, you are looking at one

such individual.

And I have willingly loved...

...that man for over

three miserable years.

The absolute worst years of my life.

The worst Christmases,

the worst birthdays.

New Year's Eves brought in

by tears and Valium.

These years I've been in love have

been the darkest days of my life...

...all because I'm cursed by being

in love with a man who does not...

...and will not love me back.

Oh, God, just the sight of him.

Heart pounding, throat thickening,

absolutely can't swallow.

All the usual symptoms.

Oh, Jasper.

- Don't tell me you're still...

- No, no, no, that's over. Very over.

What's the story with you two anyway?

You were shagging him, weren't you?

More importantly, I was in love

with him, truth be known.

Then you found out he was shagging

that drip from Circulation.

Which is when I stopped

shagging him.

We shouldn't be talking

about this at the office party.

But I always see you two together.

He cheated on you,

but you stayed friends?

I was head over heels, you know?

Everyone knew.

- Does it look like I'm crying right now?

- No, no, no.

No, it just looks like it's the smoke

from my cigarette.

Did he ever actually tell you

that he loved you back?

Yes. Three, almost four times.

And when I reminded him of that...

...he said it must have been an answer

to a question.

Which, by the way,

it absolutely was not.

You know, Iris, when you catch

your guy with another woman...

...you're not supposed

to stay friends with him.

You're supposed to never

talk to the prick again.

You're supposed to throw things

at him, scream, call him names.

Not do his blooming laundry.

I don't do his laundry.

Did someone tell you

I do his laundry?

No, no, all we do now is...

...we e-mail.

Not when he's with her, of course.

Also when he's not with her,

we talk on the phone.

Sometimes for hours. And then

there's the occasional long lunch.

You know, I never realized

how pathetic you are.

Really?

Oh, God. I'm so aware of it.

They always know just

how to get us, don't they?

He knows whenever he wants to come crawling

back in your life...

Actually, he has made some small

comments like that recently.

He hasn't exactly come

right out and said it...

Iris, did you file your story?

Oh, no, not yet.

Down to the wire. Sorry.

Better go.

Groom's best friend spoke...

...for many guests

when he said, "Hilary...

...will open Edward's eyes...

...and round out his life."

Okay, I've got a question for you.

What's it like to be the only one

committed to work...

...while the rest of us

are slumming?

You mean what's it like

to be the only one...

...not to finish their work on time?

Hold on. Don't... Don't go.

Is it fun having a brain

that works that fast?

- Shut up.

- No, I mean it.

Probably a brilliant finish too.

I assure you it's not.

- Hi, Simpkey.

- Hi.

Your column today was fantastic.

God, I loved that line:

"The onrushing stripping of dignity

and thought from British lives."

Great writing.

Hey, I got you something

for Christmas.

That's convenient

because I got you something too.

Darling, I don't actually

have my gift with me.

In fact, I probably mislaid it,

but I know I got you something.

I suspect it's somewhere in my car,

want to know what it is?

No. No, no, that's okay.

I know you're gonna look hot in it.

Well, let's hope you find it, then.

Not exactly something hot...

...but happy Christmas.

Thank you.

I didn't think we'd get a chance

to do this this year.

Remember last Christmas,

we exchanged gifts in March.

This is good.

We're getting better.

You stinker.

It's a first edition.

Where did you find it?

Buried in that little place we found

in Covent Garden that time.

Why are you so great?

Everyone, can I have

your attention, please?

Just a couple of minutes.

Thank you.

I hate it that we can never talk.

Hate it.

Well, first of all, a very

happy Christmas to every one of you.

Happy Christmas.

Now, we're not officially closed,

as you very well know.

But we are going to try

and get by this week...

...with a smaller-than-normal staff.

Now, before some of you

rush off on holiday...

...I do have one

rather important announcement.

Now, this affects Iris.

- Iris Simpkins, where are you?

- Here, sir.

- Iris, I have a tip for you.

- Excellent.

A wedding was privately

announced earlier today...

...that I don't believe any other paper

in town knows about.

And I want you to be the first to report

on this particular union...

...as it is between two of our

most esteemed colleagues.

May I introduce the newly engaged

Sarah Smith-Alcott...

...and Jasper Bloom!

Come on.

If I had known this was going

to happen, I'd have worn my good suit.

Amanda!

Amanda.

Look, may I just say again...

...that I did not sleep with her?

Right, because your receptionist

needs to work till 3 in the morning.

A bunch of us were working all night.

She wanted to hang out.

Okay. Then swear on my life

that you didn't sleep with her.

Come on.

Go ahead.

Look, I don't wanna...

I'm not gonna...

Your receptionist, Ethan?

This is why I knew we were smart

never to get married.

I told you never to get rid

of your house.

Somewhere inside

I knew this about you.

First of all, can you please

calm down?

Because I did not

sleep with her.

Secondly, we've had problems

for over a year.

And I know you don't wanna deal

with that, but we have.

Oh, I am well aware we've

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