The Holiday Page #2

had problems for the last year.

If I work a little bit too much,

I never stop hearing about it.

But if you work too much,

maestro...

...it's for the sake of your music.

- If you work too much?

Amanda, you cut 75 trailers this year.

You put a cutting room in the house

and sleep with your BlackBerry.

And I'm not even gonna have

a conversation about sex...

...because I can't remember

the last time we did it.

Come on, nobody has time for sex.

That's not entirely true.

That's it!

You absolutely slept with her!

Seriously, you have to get out.

Oh, God.

You know what I really think, Ethan?

- I don't think you ever really loved me.

- Oh, please.

You loved the idea of you and me, but

not so much me. Not me, not really.

Look, I did the best I could.

Is anybody good enough for that job?

I will send you your things.

You know you do this, right?

I mean, you screw up

every relationship you've ever been in.

It's what you do.

You didn't really wanna be a couple!

You resist it in your own way!

Shut up!

And it's hard to detect

how you even do it...

...because nobody's quite

as smart as you!

So you're hard to catch at it.

But it always surfaces

and this is what happens.

- What happens?

- Things end.

Just like you knew they would.

Amanda, you know how I feel

about you. There's nobody like you.

You just don't wanna be

what I need.

- Well, not what I "need."

- What?

I mean...

You know what I mean.

You know, I would never cheat on you,

not under any conditions.

Neither would I, okay?

Look at me. I'm down here

sweating like a pig. And look at you.

The only woman on Earth

who breaks up with her boyfriend...

...and doesn't even shed a tear?

I mean,

that's gotta mean something, right?

Why does it bug you so much

that I can't cry?

Esophageal spasm.

Oh, God, it's a big one.

- No, it's okay. I'll be all right.

- I know, I know. I'm thinking about me.

Ethan. Look, it's over.

You know, we might as well

be honest with each other.

Just tell me.

Did you sleep with her?

Just say it.

What's the difference at this point,

right? I mean, why torture me?

Just put me out of my misery.

- What are we doing here...?

- Okay.

Yes, okay? I slept with her.

Are you happy?

I've been sleeping with her.

She's in love with me. She's young.

Look, this is not a proud moment

for me.

I mean, you should just know that.

Amanda!

Did you say, am I happy?

I didn't mean that. You get me nuts

sometimes, I say things I don't mean.

In the world of love, Ethan...

...not that I'm such a genius at it...

...but in the world of love,

cheating is not acceptable.

No matter what you think...

I know you have a very high opinion

of yourself, but this isn't all me.

- Okay.

- So when you're not in such a rage...

...I think you'll see that too.

- Yeah, maybe.

Maybe when I stop having visions

of you two together...

...I will see your side.

You gotta be...

Punched him in the face.

- Is this a bad time?

- No, no, I'm just...

- I'm just flipping out a little bit.

- Oh, okay.

God. Okay... No. I'm okay.

God, why would this happen?

No. You know what? I'm all right.

Hi.

What's up?

Ben needs you.

Rebecca Green was just your

average 20-year-old.

Until the father she never knew left

her something she never expected.

Don't scream.

- Your father left you something.

- I never met my father.

- Now you know he was interesting.

- Lindsay Lohan.

James Franco.

- Deception.

- How do You happen to have two guns?

I didn't think one would be enough.

Christmas Day.

Amazing! It finally looks like a hit.

And that is why they pay you

the big bucks.

I think we should go back

to the original cut on the end.

- It's so much stronger.

- I agree.

And make "Christmas Day"

twice as big...

...but try it in a red. Like a happy red,

not like a Scorsese red.

Happy red.

Okay, so we're done.

- Great.

- All right.

Hey, you know, let's just take off

for a few weeks.

- Yeah.

- What do you mean? I'm not kidding.

You always say that

this is our busiest time.

I need to get out of town.

You know? I think I need

some peace and quiet...

...or whatever it is people

go away for.

You know what I really wanna do?

I wanna eat carbs without

wanting to kill myself.

I wanna read a book.

Not just a magazine. An actual book.

For years, I read these reviews,

I buy the books, but I never read them.

Did you read that article in

The New York Times last Sunday?

Severe stress makes women

age prematurely...

...because stress causes DNA

in our cells to shrink...

...until they can no longer replicate.

So when we're stressed,

we look haggard.

- This is just women, not men.

- I'm sorry.

They used to say that...

...single women over the age of 35 were

more likely to be killed by a terrorist...

...than to get married.

That was horrible.

But now our generation

is also not getting married.

And bonus, real terrorists

actually became part of our lives.

So the stress of it all shows up on our

faces, making us look haggard.

While Ethan goes on

looking cute forever...

...shtupping his 24-year-old receptionist!

Oh, my God!

See what I mean?

I need a vacation.

Okay, where do I wanna go?

By myself at Christmas.

By myself depressed at Christmas.

All alone on vacation.

Alone, alone.

Totally alone.

Please, just give me one.

One tear.

Okay. Moving on.

"Worry-Free Vacations."

Good. Where's that?

Bora Bora.

"Kayak for one?" No, thank you.

"Vacation Rentals." I could do that.

Hole up in a house somewhere.

Disappear for a few weeks.

I like that idea.

"Where do you wanna go

on your next vacation?"

"Click here and pick a country."

Where do they speak English?

"Click on a town or city."

Let's see. Cotswolds.

"Barn converted to modern house

in the beautiful Cotswolds."

Which looks exactly like the Valley.

Surrey. "Christmas in the country."

"A fairy-tale English cottage

set in a tranquil country garden.

Snuggle up by an old stone fireplace

and enjoy a cup of cocoa.

An enchanting oasis of tranquility

in a quiet English hamlet...

...just 40 minutes

from exciting London."

Yeah.

What am I doing?

Low point.

Low point.

"I'm interested... Renting your house.

I'm wondering if your house

is available this Christmas.

Because if it is,

you could be a real lifesaver."

"I know it's late to be asking...

...but if you're at all interested,

please contact me."

"I'm very interested, but the cottage

is only available for home exchange."

"Home exchange"? What is that?

"We switch houses, cars,

everything.

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