The Holiday Page #5

to begin with.

But that's how I got confused.

I didn't recognize one house.

That would be confusing.

What part of England are you from?

- Surrey.

- Cary Grant was from Surrey.

That's right, he was.

- How did you know that?

- Oh, he told me once.

Well, I thank you very much,

young lady.

Let me help you with that.

Okay.

L... Thank you.

There you go.

Well, this was some meet-cute.

- Sorry?

- It's how two characters meet...

...in a movie.

Say a man and a woman...

...both need something to sleep in.

And they both go

to the same men's pajama department.

- Right.

- And the man says to the salesman:

"I just need bottoms."

The woman says, "I just need a top."

They look at each other,

and that's the "meet-cute."

Oh, I see.

Of course, this isn't

quite that cute, but...

So you're in the film business?

Was. Yes, yes, I was.

I was a writer.

I could be here till tomorrow.

Oh, here.

Let me.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Well, goodbye, then.

I enjoyed our meet-cute.

Well, thank you.

Thank you for rescuing me.

It's a pleasure. Absolutely.

You know, I hope you

don't find this strange...

...but I've just arrived here,

and, well, I don't really know anyone.

And I was thinking of going out

for dinner tonight.

Well, if you're not busy,

would you like to join me?

Busy? Honey,

I haven't been busy since 1978.

I learned everything

working in this place.

- Best job I ever had.

- Wait, wait, wait.

That was your first job

in Hollywood?

Louis B. Mayer's office boy?

Actually, my first job

was as a Western Union messenger.

That's how I met Mayer. I delivered

a telegram to his office at MGM.

When I walked in, all the girls

in the office were in a tizzy.

Their office boy didn't show up.

I volunteered for the job.

The next day, I was on the payroll.

I was 17 years old.

So was Hollywood really as great

back then as I imagine?

It was better.

You know what I've been

asking myself all night?

What? Why I'm bothering you

with all these questions?

I'm wondering

why a beautiful girl like you...

...would go to a stranger's house

for her Christmas vacation...

...and on top of that, spend Saturday

night with an old cocker like me.

Well, I...

I just wanted to get away

from the people I see all the time.

Well, not all the people.

One person.

I wanted to get away from one guy.

An ex-boyfriend who just got engaged

and forgot to tell me.

- Sorry.

- So he's a schmuck.

As a matter of fact, he is.

A huge schmuck.

- How did you know?

- He let you go.

This is not a hard one to figure out.

Iris, in the movies

we have leading ladies...

...and we have the best friend.

You, I can tell, are a leading lady.

But for some reason,

you're behaving like the best friend.

You're so right.

You're supposed to be the leading

lady of your own life, for God's sake.

Arthur, I've been going

to a therapist for three years.

And she's never explained

anything to me that well.

That was brilliant.

Brutal, but brilliant.

Thank you.

I haven't had that much to drink in...

What am I saying?

- I've never had that much to drink.

- Yes, I believe no one ever has.

Okay, the last thing I remember

was coming in here last night and...

- I had nothing to do with that.

- Oh, I know, but you were here.

- I was.

- Oh, God. So I guess we...

Did we? I mean, did we?

- We didn't?

- We did not.

Oh, thank God.

I mean, not "thank God,"

but just thank God.

Because I didn't remember...

So why didn't we?

Just remind me a little.

Call me old-fashioned...

...but one doesn't have sex

with women who are unconscious.

Unconscious? Oh, God.

That must have been

really attractive.

Why did you stay?

Because you asked me to.

I did, didn't I?

Did I beg at one point?

From the moment I met you,

it's been an adventure.

Oh, yes.

And I am deeply sorry about that.

I have nothing to say for myself...

...other than I must be

temporarily nuts right now.

Olivia. Sorry, I didn't mean to look.

- Again.

- I should probably take this.

Hello. Hi.

I can't. I can't today.

Sophie, Olivia, Amanda.

Busy guy.

- I think we should go into town.

- What do you mean?

I think you should get dressed.

We should take a drive, get some

lunch and get to know each other.

Really? Why?

Because I'm running out of reasons

why we shouldn't.

Aren't you?

- So you're a book editor.

- Yes, I am.

- What kind of an editor are you?

- A very mean one.

No. What I meant was,

do you give massive notes, or?

The better the writer,

the less notes.

- And what'd you study in school?

- Literature.

And did you always know

this was what you wanted to do?

Okay, my palms

are starting to sweat.

I feel like I'm on a job interview.

Do you, by any chance,

know how to be on a date?

- Sorry. I'm interrogating you.

- Yes.

I haven't been on a first date

in a long time.

Well, since we've already had sex

and slept together twice...

...maybe we can bend

the first-date rules.

Why are you blushing?

I didn't realize I was.

I think you make me nervous.

Okay. I'm gonna try to be myself.

It's never easy, but I'm gonna try.

What was the question? Oh, I know.

- Did I always want to be a book editor?

- Did you...? Right.

The answer is yes.

My family's in publishing.

My dad's a writer

of historical fiction.

My mum was...

Is, to this day, a very important editor

at Random House.

Okay. I believe my time is up.

Your turn.

Really?

- Deep breath.

- Okay.

- All right?

- Yeah.

Well, like I said the other night...

...I own a company

that does movie advertising.

I didn't realize

you own the company.

Probably because

I didn't mention it.

But now that I know you were raised

by such a strong working mom...

...I can say it,

and maybe you won't be intimidated.

No, no.

I'm still a little intimidated by it.

Well, "a little"

is way ahead of the curve.

- Yeah.

- What about your family?

Okay, I'll say it fast.

My parents broke up when I was 15.

I'm an only child, and I...

I didn't see it coming.

You know, we were really close.

We used to call ourselves

"The Three Musketeers."

And one night after dinner,

my parents sat me down...

...and told me that

they were breaking up.

I thought they were kidding.

And then I saw a suitcase out of

the corner of my eye in the hallway.

And my dad moved out that night.

I think I cried myself to sleep

for, like, well...

Anyway, a long time.

And then I realized

that I'd better toughen up.

And, well, I got through it

and sort of haven't cried since.

I also haven't thought of

that packed suitcase maybe ever.

And that's my tragic little story.

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