The Hollywood Knights

---

Hey, gang, it's Surf Sam on KBLA.

We're just hours away

from Halloween night, 1965.

Oh, I see that the hangout for the

Hollywood Knights, Tubby's Drive-In,

is coming down tonight.

Fellas, don't get bummed out.

Remember:

A friend with weed

is a friend indeed.

3:
29, Beach Boys time.

Man, she saw it. That's great.

Hey, what are you

doing over there?

I'm doing Dr. Eisner's

new facial exercises.

Oh, it's wonderful. It keeps your

skin circulating. It keeps you young.

It's great.

It's a bear-lion. You go:

Aah. Mmm. Aah.

Doesn't that stretch your skin out?

Oh, no, it's circulation. It's great.

It keeps you young

and youthful, gorgeous.

I'm gonna tie my bathing suit

here to the chair.

But I don't know why

you're doing that.

You know, last time I

did that, my tits got...

They peeled so much I went

from a size B cup to an A.

What's that clicking noise?

- You hear it.

- It's a camera.

Camera!

You little creep!

What is that? What are you doing?

WOMAN 1:
Camera! Camera!

What are you, crazy?

I'll sue you

for trespassing!

Clark, we got a couple of party boys

here that love to scare old ladies.

You don't have to work for

Scotland Yard to know about this.

A potato?

This was in the tailpipe

of the chief's car

last week.

Get down!

Clark, look what we got here.

Empty egg carton.

That tell you anything?

You boys making omelets?

What are you laughing at, huh?

You know what I'd like to do

to you now, Newbomb?

I'd like to kick the crap out of you,

that's what I'd like to do!

What's the problem, officer?

Oh, we got it taken care of, sir.

Thank you very much. Everything's fine.

No problem.

Just got some punks out here,

and that's it.

Wake up, Bimbeau. I want you

to get something straight.

I don't need the captain all over my

butt about some rinky-dink drive-in.

Do me a favor, Bimbeau.

Don't aggravate the situation.

Everything's under control,

sarge. It's okey-dokey.

Besides, sarge,

as a matter of fact,

if any of those little

a**holes get out of line...

...I'll personally kick

the sh*t out of them.

That's exactly what

we don't want, Bimbeau.

The drive-in's coming down.

They'll all be gone tomorrow.

We don't need police brutality.

Got it?

Hear that?

Right. Yeah.

Bimbeau, what in

the hell is that?

No, no. Here!

Woo-hoo. Woo-hoo.

Oh, not that house.

People have been bad there.

Mooning!

Mooning!

Mooning, Mr. Katzenberg.

Absolutely.

We've all had these

disgusting experiences

with these Hollywood Knights,

and I give you my word,

tonight is the last night

the Hollywood Knights

will ever be

in Beverly Hills again.

Isn't that wonderful? Oh.

I want to send my husband Jack's

apologies to all of you.

He was real sorry

he couldn't be here tonight.

Anyway, he'll be at the pep rally

later giving the awards,

and of course, we'll see him

at the dance. Well...

What's the song

he's got now? The, uh...

"Tijuana Taxi. "

With the horn honk,

the "beep, beep"

at the end of it.

What the hell is that

supposed to be?

That's popular music.

Where the hell is the story

in a "beep, beep"?

Yeah.

Tell you what popular music is...

I know what popular music is.

You don't know.

I do.

Starting tomorrow,

today will be history...

Horseshit!

Nevans, there's some distracting

noise in the kitchen.

Could you see what that is?

That's the Beverly Hills

Police Department.

They're out there with Juanita.

Bullshit!

Take care of it.

I'll see if I can't

quiet those people down.

Anyway, Tubby's Drive-In,

this social disease

of our neighborhood,

well, it's enjoying its last night

of residence in Beverly Hills.

I knew you'd all be pleased

because all of our...

Thank you.

And one year from today,

this beautiful office complex

Will be standing

in the old Tubby's Drive-In's place.

I assure you that you

and none of the rest of you

have to worry about

the Hollywood Knights any longer.

We won't be hearing

from them again.

Go, go, go!

They're out of... Excuse me.

Juanita's busy. I'll get the door.

It's fine.

No, really, I...

Well, all right.

We'll both get it. Why not?

I need you.

Watch it. Stand back. Stand back.

Nevans!

Get it! Get it out!

It's dog sh*t!

It's dog sh*t all over you!

Mrs. Friedman!

I'll kill you!

I'll kill all of you!

Sh*t. Sh*t.

Juanita! Juanita, get out here!

They finally come.

Nice to see you. Nice of you

to make it. Nice of you to come.

Where is everybody?

Where is everybody?

Hey, no problem. I spoke to Wheatly,

and he'll be here in a minute.

Hey, I was talking to Red.

He's pretty bent, man. They've

been here for about 21 years.

Said he's been thinking about

moving to New Jersey.

You know, this is compliments of

the Beverly Hills A**hole Association.

Everybody showing up tonight. All the

flatheads forever are showing up tonight.

Wheatly. Mr. Wheatly,

nice of you to join us tonight.

How you guys doing?

What's going on?

Hey, Wheatly, where you been?

I was kicking some ass.

You were kicking ass?

He was kissing ass.

Hey, listen, we got all our

cars here tonight. Except one.

Yeah, Simpson, when you

gonna bring your rail job?

I mean, this is

the last night.

Where is this Flying Purple People

Eater you keep talking about?

Relax, relax. I gotta wait till my old

man goes to sleep so I can wheel it out.

Maybe you want me to follow you home. You

know, you might be a little bit nervous.

Everybody is showing.

You know, there is gonna be a ton

of lead sleds in the block tonight.

Yeah, that's great. You know what?

Everybody'll think...

...we're a bunch of '50s

queers when they come in here.

Hey, how long you got

your brother's car for?

For as long as I like.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Newbomb, I saw your

brother. He's a monster.

Do I look worried?

Do I appear worried?

Bimbeau.

Bimbeau. Bimbeau.

Hey, hey. Hey, hey.

What?

How do you think I'd look

in a mustache, huh?

Think I'd be better-looking

than I am already?

Perfect. Perfect jerk.

Good... Jerk? Good-looking.

Just like the guys

we bust every night.

No, that's perfect

for you.

Lawrence

Lawrence of Arabia

He's an English guy

He came to fight the Turkish

Okay, Clark, right there.

That's what I'm talking about.

"Lawrence of Arabia"

doesn't have any lyrics to it.

Doesn't have any words.

What do you mean?

It's music. It's music.

Hey, I've seen the movie four times.

And there were no words to it.

There are no words to that! Did

you hear what I was saying earlier?

Somewhere, I know that somebody,

I think, wrote lyrics to this song.

Horseshit. There are no words.

Horseshit?

Horseshit. There are no words to it.

Hey, Bimbeau. Bimbeau. Bimbeau.

Kiss my ass. All right?

Do the fake mustache and mark off

another spot, and that'll be your ass.

Hey, you want me to put an X on

my ass? You can find it that way.

Pull over here. I gotta take a

squirt. Will you? Give me a break.

Hey, these guys are lucky.

We're leaving them in Watts.

Last year we left them

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