The Honeymoon Machine Page #3

"Navy daughter all her life

cannot be a Navy wife."

Julie, you're wonderful.

But I haven't even

said yes to dinner.

Well, I thought

we settled all that.

All right, I know

when I'm licked.

7:
00?

7:
00

Well, if I had to stumble

into the wrong room,

I guess I picked the right one.

Pick me up at 6:
30.

I want you to meet daddy.

Good evening, sir.

My name is Fergie Howard.

7 red.

Jason, how much longer?

205 spins.

It... it's a mothball.

Camphor.

Comprende?

No.

Prego.

Ladies and gentlemen,

place your bets.

Take over.

27 in the red.

Jason, for Pete's sake.

Ladies and gentlemen,

place your bets.

Jason, no!

I've told you time and time

again, wear your glasses.

Jason.

You know you can't see

anything without them.

The 15 in the black.

Write that down.

Jason, what in the world

are you doing in venice?

Don't miss anything, Beau.

7 red.

Place your bets.

The canals are getting

worse every year.

You shouldn't be so vain

about wearing glasses.

Someday you're going to run that

pretty face into a brick wall.

I only wear them when there's

something

I'm interested in seeing.

Do you know how long it's been

since that night in Washington?

To the hour.

You want the latest quotation?

Why did you run away, Jason?

I didn't run away.

I walked away.

From me.

From you and $40 million.

Or is it 50 by now?

Jason, is it my fault my father

manufactures frankfurters?

Nope.

It's just

that they're so profitable.

I can see the story

in the society pages.

"Penniless professor

weds wienie heiress."

Do you know what you'd be eating

the rest of your life?

Your father's frankfurters.

They're very good.

Not good enough

for Princess Pam.

Jason, you're such a fool.

Put your glasses on.

I don't want to see you.

Well, you haven't told me

what you're doing in venice.

That's right, I haven't.

I came over to get married.

May I ask what man has been

blessed with such good fortune?

I say fortune advisedly.

Jason eldridge.

If I had to guess who I'd

never run into in venice,

I'd pick Jason the genius.

How are you?

How are you, Tommy.

Pam, my sweet.

Sorry.

Bartender.

I suppose Pam's

told you the good news.

She told me the news, yeah.

Maybe you'll be around for the

wedding in 3 weeks.

I doubt it.

I'm just on

a quick business trip.

Government business.

You science fellas are real

glamor boys these days.

A little different from prep

school when we used to round up

all you greasy grinds and toss

you into the lake.

Yeah, those were

the happy times all right.

Seriously, if there's anything

I can do for you, let me know.

I happen to have a little

influence

on the diplomatic level

and I'll have more

when they give me Rome.

Someone's giving you Rome?

I expect so.

Would it be rude

of me to ask who?

Pardon?

Tommy's in the government now.

Which one?

Our state department.

A very important job in Rome.

Which reminds me, stag dinner

tonight for that admiral fella.

Pam, I'm afraid you're on your

own this evening.

I'll be all right.

You sure, darling?

I'll look both ways

before crossing canals.

Good girl.

Say, why don't you have dinner

with old eldridge tonight?

Don't you think it might be more

elegant

to ask old eldridge first?

Well, I naturally

assumed that...

How about it, Jason?

It's all right with me.

Old eldridge, you

swept me off my feet.

That's it then.

Now I've got to go write

an after-dinner speech.

What's a man supposed

to say about an admiral?

Well, if it's admiral Fitch...

It is, why?

I don't think

this will help much,

but I understand in the fleet

he's known affectionately

as "old foghorn."

That a fact.

Well, good-bye, my sweet.

Old foghorn?

I'll use it.

Yeah, do that.

Say something nice, Jason.

Say something nice about Tommy

Dane or I'm leaving right now.

Well?

I'm thinking.

All right, Jason.

Pam.

Pam, wait.

Now, listen.

Listen to me.

I beg your pardon?

Wait a minute, listen.

Tommy Dane is a fine fellow.

He's sober, industrious and

a boon to our foreign policy.

In fact, he's a first-class

prince.

Ok?

Ok.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Miss Fitch's suite, please.

Admiral Fitch here.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello!

Who's this?

Some blame fool isn't answering.

May I speak

to miss Fitch, please?

Stand by.

It's for you, dear.

Thank you.

Hello?

Mr. Howard, where are you?

Dad's been waiting to meet you.

Yeah, well look, I'm afraid

I'm going to

have to cancel

out on our date tonight.

Well, frankly,

I've suffered a burn.

Well, not too serious, but...

Wait a minute.

- Good bye, dad.

- Bye, dear.

Have a nice time.

I'm sorry, but my father

was just leaving.

Well, like I said.

It's not too serious but, well,

it's painful of course

and I may be running

a temperature but...

No, no.

I wouldn't want you to do that.

Really?

What kind of ointment.

You don't say.

Really works that fast?

Well, that's certainly

very nice of you, Julie.

You're an angel of mercy.

Bye.

Servizio Romeo.

Hello, this is suite 4-6.

Dinner for two.

Grazie.

What did you say was in this?

It's a mild concoction of

Brandy, vodka, and champagne.

Draschke.

Pardon?

Draschke.

As long as you can drink vodka

and still say draschke, without

it coming out "drofsky,"

then you're perfectly sober.

How's your wound, Mr. Howard?

It wasn't really very bad.

You probably noticed.

I did.

Still, burns can

be very painful.

I know they can.

Would you rather I left?

No!

No, it feels fine, see?

That ointment of yours

is a real miracle drug.

Do you know what my ointment is?

No.

Peanut butter.

I thought it was

a little lumpy...

- Peanut butter?

- Shhh!

Not so loud!

Why, up until now

the only thing people have used

peanut butter for is to eat.

We may have

discovered something.

You wanted to come up here, so

you told me you had an ointment.

I put it

in the cold cream jar, too.

Julie... you're

a fat little faker.

Mr. Howard, it's very

decent of you to say so.

Most men wouldn't.

But then, you're unusual.

Well, I told you that.

But I didn't believe you!

That is, well, until somewhere

between the fish

and the souffle,

you just seized me

with surprise.

Seized you?

I didn't lay a glove on you.

That was the surprise!

Well...

Beware of the wolf

that moves slowly.

You know, if you knew

the truth, Julie...

The truth of it is,

Mr. Howard...

And this may hurt...

You are a nice fellow.

I deny that.

You've been a charming

and gracious host.

Your manners were fine

and your jokes were clean.

Someday you're going to make

somebody a wonderful husband.

Oof.

Fergie, are you

one of those men who,

when it comes to marriage,

would rather die than...?

No, no.

I'm one of those men, when it

comes to marriage,

that has an opinion

of... not favorable.

Then why were you so nice to me?

Most people who think

the way you do

act like a one-man

boarding party.

Well, frankly,

it entered my mind,

but when you sat there...

Looked the way you looked...

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