The Hot Chick Page #2

Wait a minute.

What happened to you?

Nothing.

[ Gasps ]

Did that Cavanaugh kid|do this to you?

[ Sighs ]

All right. Come here.

He is such a punk.

You know, one of these days,|he's gonna get it.

There you go.

Better.

Is that my lipstick?!

[ Smooches ]

[ Scoffs ]

Ohhhhh!

[ Horn honks ]

[ Introduction to Butch Walker's|"Take Tomorrow" plays ]

Give me all your fear

Throw it all away

And think about|the good things

No matter what they say

We'll take tomorrow, baby

Yeah

One day at a time

Hey.

Hi.

[ Sighs softly ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, Jess,|when you do that...

my whole leg tingles|and shakes.

Really?

Well, what happens|if I kiss you...

there?

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs ]

You have to come snowboarding|with me this weekend.

Oh, silly Billy nilly,

I told you I'm not|having sex with you.

No.

We could sip hot chocolate

and play Scrabble|with my little brother.

[ Laughs ]

You call it whatever you want.

I'm still not having sex|with you.

[ Sighs ]

Billy...

look...

you know how important|this is to me.

And when that|special moment happens,

I just...I want it|to be perfect.

I would never dream|of rushing you.

[ Gasps ]

Thank you, Billy.

Oh...

If you change your mind,|we could drive up together.

I'll wait behind for you.

[ Laughs ]|Front...behind...

I'm still not doing it.

Good night, Billy.

[ Sighs ]

[ B.T. Express' "Do It|('Til You're Satisfied)" plays ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Oh, your life is like|a fairytale.

You and Billy are, like,|totally Disney.

You know, it's scary sometimes.

I just...|I don't know what I'd do

if things weren't|so...perfect.

I'm so glad|you're my best friend.

- Oooh|- [ Chuckles ]

Go on and do it

- Do it|- [ Laughing ]

Do it 'til you're satisfied

Whatever it is

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay. Good night.

Bye.

[ Beep ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Wind whistling,|chimes tinkling ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Exhaling deeply ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Urinating ]

Aaaaaaah!

[ Gasping, whimpering ]

Aaaaaaaah!

Aah!

[ Thud ]

[ Gasps ]

Aah! Aah!

- Aah!|- [ Knock on door ]

Jessica, honey,|is everything all right?

[ High-pitched ]|Yes, Mother.

It's just a spider.

A really big,|disgusting spider.

[ Whimpering ]

[ Dial tone ]

[ Dialing ]

Hi. It's April.|Leave me a message.

This isn't happening.|This isn't happening!

[ Panting, muttering ]

Oh, it's sick!

Sick!

Oh! Oh!

[ Panting ]

Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Ow! Ooh!

[ Dog barks ]

[ Gasps ]

Hey, Dad! Can I have|this cake for breakfast?

[ Deep voice ] Uh, yeah.|Whatever. Go for it.

Booger, what the hell|are you doing

eating my boss's cake?

I- I thought you just said|I could eat it.

- [ Snorts ]|- [ Car alarm beeping ]

[ Beeping stops ]

[ B.T. Express' "Do It|('Til You're Satisfied)" plays ]

Ooh-ah.

God...

Where's my...?!

[ Bell rings ]

[ Cellular phone ringing ]

Hello?

[ Deep voice ] April,|it's me... Jessica.

I need you to meet me right|after class out by the track.

Is this really Jessica?

Yes!

Oh, my God,|are you getting a cold?

The competition's only|a week away.

We may have bigger problems.

JESSICA:
[ High-pitched ]|April...

April...

[ Deep, gruff voice ] April!

Agh!

Ah!

Whoa! [ Gasps ]

Ugh!

You stay away from me!

I have pepper spray|on my key chain!

[ High-pitched ] April,|I need you so bad right now.

You have no idea.

How do you know my name?

It's me...

Jessica!

[ Crying ] I'm in here.

[ Whining ]

What did you do with her?

I don't know what happened.

[ Breathing heavily ]

I woke up this morning...

like this.

Aah!

[ Gasping ]

And what did I tell you|about these things?!

They go straight to your ass!

People are gonna be|looking for me!

- You gotta believe me!|- I'm warning you!

- Please, I'm Jessica!|- Aah!

- Aah! Aaah!|- Aaaaaaah!

Agh! Agh! Ohh!

Aaah! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ugh! Ohh!

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Groaning ]

Aah! Ohh!

Ugh! Oh! Aah!

Aah! Agh! Oh! Ugh!

Agh! Ohh!

[ Crying ] Oh, my God!

I think I broke a rib!

My eyes burn!

I can't breathe!

This morning,|I woke up a man!

This is by far|the worst day of my life!

[ Panting ]

April!

Do you remember|in second grade

[ Sniffles ] when you moved here|from Arkansas?

Everybody threw rocks|at you...

because you talked funny

and your front two teeth|were brown!

[ Gasps ]

I was your only friend.

I gave you that locket|around your neck

when your grandmother|was sick.

And you said...

you said...

We'd be bestest friends|forever.

[ Coughs, sniffles ]

[ Gasps ]

Boys are cheats and liars.

They're such a big disgrace.

TOGETHER:
They will tell you|anything to get to second...

Baseball, baseball,|he thinks he's gonna score.

If you let him go all the way,|then you are a...

Hor...ticulture studies flowers.

Geologist studies rocks.

The only thing|a guy wants from you

is place to put his...

Cock...roaches, beetles,

butterflies, and bugs.

Nothing makes him happier|than a giant pair of...

Jug...glers and acrobats,|a dancing bear named Chuck.

All guys really want to do is...|forget it, no such luck.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

[ Gasps ]

How did this happen?

[ Whines ]

I don't know what to do.

Okay, okay.

[ Bell rings ]

[ Sighs ]

Here.

Go to my house|and wait for me in my room.

Don't worry. We're gonna|figure this thing out.

Here.

[ Groans softly ]

You are my bestest,|bestest friend.

[ Sniffles ]

Ow! Ow!

Ow.

Watch the beard.

Sorry.

[ Roxy Saint's "Firecracker"|plays ]

Oh!

So, come on, baby, listen

With 20/20 vision

I knock out competition

Hi.

[ Coughs ]

Okay, so, listen,|she bought it.

I told your mom|you're going on that ski trip,

and that'll at least|buy us the weekend.

You think I'll be stuck|like this all weekend?!

[ Cries ]

[ Buzzes ]

Ow!

Aah!

[ Grunting ]

Oh!

Gross.

[ Buzzing ]

Agh!

I've got hair everywhere...

in my nose, in my ears,|on my chin.

I'm afraid to look|anywhere else.

[ Shudders ]

It's like I'm an ad for hair.

Okay, well, listen,|maybe this will help.

Okay.

Ahh...

Yeah.

Okay. Against the grain.

- Okay, ready?|- Mm-hmm.

Hold still.

- [ Rip ]|- Aaah!

Grrrah! Agh!

Ow.

Uh...

Ow.

So...

[ Grunts ]

So, uh...

What?

Do you really have a penis?

April!

Can I see it?

What is the matter with you?!

I don't think you get the|gravity of the situation here.

You're right.|You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Can I see it?

W... what is your problem?

What?

It's not every day that|your best friend grows a penis.

Do you want to see it?

Okay, fine...

if it'll shut you up.

[ Laughs ]

[ Mutters ]

Nice.

Nice.

I mean, you know...

I've only seen a couple,|but that's definitely top 5.

How many have you seen?

Five.

Not including|my little brother's.

[ Laughs ]

You little tramp!

Aah!

[ Laughing ] Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aaah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, motherfuck! Oh!

Stan...

I am beginning to worry|about April.

She has been acting|rather strange.

- Is it drugs?|- No, no.

I...I think it's|her hormonal development.

She just ate six peanut-butter-|and-jelly sandwiches

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