The Hotel New Hampshire

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Our story begins with

another story.

It was our favourite story.

How mother and father met when

they took a summer job

at the Hotel New Hampshire.

And how Freud arrived

with his bear.

- What was the bear's name?

- State of Maine.

The bear...

was in his last legs.

- But they were the only legs he had.

Don't cut out all the juicy parts

cause you think they're too young

to hear about all the screwing

around.

Franny!

Let's just say they hadn't

consumated their relationship.

There was not the promiscuity

and freedom there is today.

I didn't expect to meet anybody

from the same hometown.

I like the way your hair looks.

I'm glad that someone I know

is here.

- You don't know me.

- Oh, but I want to know you.

And I want you to know me.

It will be two years before

I can afford to enter Harvard.

I think it's wonderful

you got in.

Why wouldn't I have gotten in?

It's Freud and State of Maine!

The Freud?

Give me a ride, Freud.

Nobody rides with me

but State of Maine.

Well, just a few things

still to iron out.

One fateful day everything

really started to go wrong.

A couple of Germans were

staying at the hotel.

Find the doctor.

Please, find the doctor.

We must find the doctor.

Good afternoon.

What's the matter?

- Are you a doctor?

- I'm professor Freud.

Freud? Is he a good doctor?

- He's an excellent doctor.

- As long as he's no Jew...

He's no Jew. They have no Jews

in New Hampshire.

- I'm blind! I'm blind!

- You should have closed your eyes.

I'm warning you, Freud.

This is your last chance.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

I tell you he's a Jew.

A perfect Jew.

Yes.

I've never seen a motorcycle like this.

This is a piece of junk.

You can try it yourself.

Why don't you?

I was leaving anyway. I mean,

that isn't my kind of a hotel.

What will you do?

Where can you go?

Well, back to Europe.

Why back to Europe?

They say there's going to be

a war there.

Oh, I don't know. At least

they got smart bears.

By the way. You can buy

that one.

- I can?

- Two hundred dollars.

That's all we earn

for the summer.

I know. Otherwise I'd have asked

for more.

I'm gonna throw in that bike as well,

and give you some good advice.

Here it is. You take every opportunity

given to you in this world,

even if you have too many

opportunities,

because one day the opportunities

stop. You know?

So, you promise me something.

- I promise.

- So do I.

You get married.

Right away.

So we got married.

And father went off to the war.

Okay, come on, it's bedtime, kids.

- That's it. Come on.

- No. We've gotta have the sad part.

The war changed a lot of things.

Win!

I shot a bear!

I shot a wild bear!

It's my bear!

- Now it's bedtime. Come on, let's go.

- Come on, sweetie.

You've got school

tomorrow.

Ready?

Go!

Line them up! Let's go!

- All right.

- Go on!

Come on!

Come on!

All right. Line it up.

Let's try it again.

You big creep, Berry!

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Okay.

Dairy bulls. Dairy bulls

is our name.

Football. Football

is our game.

When we play

we play it good.

- Like you thought...

- See you later, sweetie.

Fight bulls, fight bulls...

Hey you, stop!

- You're a b*tch, Titsie!

- My name is not Titsie, it's Bitty.

All right. Five laps and hit

the shower.

So what's this with you

and Bitty Tuck?

That slut Titsie was making eyes

at Chipper Dove.

He's a sh*t.

- Okay. I'm gonna get in the shower.

- All right. See you later.

Pop, I'm worried about

the school.

Admissions are falling. Standards

are falling even more.

Money is getting tighter.

Oh, yeah? What do you care

about money?

You got a great wife, beautiful kids,

you got a good job.

What do you care if the pay's not

that great?

Think about it, my boy.

You're a lucky man.

I don't want to be a teacher.

You know what I know about you,

my son?

You live in the future.

You're a daydreamer.

I want something better.

- Hi, Mom.

- Hello, darling.

- Is John home yet?

- Not yet.

Sorrow.

Come here.

Come here. Hello.

- Sorrow farted again.

- Franny, please.

- Stop standing on your toes.

- What?

Stop standing on your toes, Egg.

If she hasn't grown in two years,

I doubt she's grown in the last 2 days.

- Hi, Dad.

- Hi.

- Hi, Gramps.

- Hi, honey.

Hi.

Hey, kid, you know your sister has

the nicest ass in school?

- Is she banging anybody?

- She's got great tits, too.

Yeah, but her ass is what's

really special.

Say hello to your sister.

Lilly, don't worry about it.

- Just try to eat a little more.

- So I'm small. Everybody says so.

So what's the matter

with being small?

Nothing, dear, you can be

as small as you want.

- What did he say?

- He's a scum.

He talked about your ass, your tits,

even your feet.

My feet?

- What did he say about my feet?

- Your ass is all he cares about.

I don't care. I'm not

that interested.

Well, he's interested.

Stick with the others.

Some are sweet, but...

God! The others are just boring,

boring, boring!

- It's important the first time.

- Why?

Because it is.

Because it's the first time. It's the one

that sticks with you forever.

Well, everybody knows

what you're thinking.

- You don't know what I'm thinking.

- Oh, you mean about me?

I know you think about me

too much.

Remember you used to be

stronger than me, remember?

Oh, let me go! Let me go!

- Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!

- Why don't you two grow up?

F*** off, Frank!

Franny y John are out here fooling

around with each other again.

They're perverts.

You're a big fink, Frank!

- You fart! You're a turd in a birdbath!

- And you're a whore.

Stop! Stop this!

Stop that!

- Stop! Stop!

- Stop it!

Stop!

- Oh, sh*t!

- Come on, kids, knock it off!

- Come on, Goddam hold it!

- Stop it!

- Come on, hold it, kids!

- Stop that!

Hold it!

Hold it! Hold it, kids!

Franny, let go of him!

Now look at this.

Where do you hurt, kid?

She kick you in the nuts?

- You okay, Franny?

- She yelled but we could hear you.

Get some air.

You all right? You gonna be okay?

Breath easy. Breath.

Breath easy.

Do you know...

how this upsets your mother

and me?

How bad it is?

And your grandpa?

Lmagine that we fought all the time

and you had to live with it.

But do we, I mean, do your mother

and I fight? Do we?

Win.

Would you like it if we did?

Darling, I think we better take her

to the hospital.

Oh, Franny.

My baby.

Wanna see my stitches?

- Yeah.

- Look at this.

- You know what they look like?

- Pubic hairs.

What's a pubic hair?

They look gross.

- Sorry about your balls, Frank.

- Oh, they're okay.

- Sorry about...

- It's okay.

I'm sorry about everything.

Oh, Sorrow, come on.

Get off my bed.

Why do we like each other more

than we like Frank?

I don't know, we just do.

We always will. Frank is weird.

- Yeah, but he's our brother.

- So what?

You're my brother. That's not

why I like you.

Why do you like me?

I don't know. I just do.

- Get off! Get off!

- It's Frank!

Come on, you mud-f***er. You heard

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