The House Bunny

It all started 27 years ago.

That's an orphanage.

That's me in the basket.

I guess somebody didn't want me.

I hear they did want

the basket back, though.

But it was fine in the orphanage.

That's me in the third row.

I wasn't very popular.

Of course, everybody

wanted to be adopted.

Luckily, lots of families came.

And everybody got to go

live with a family.

Oh, except me.

But I tried not to give up hope.

Then, one day...

something magical happened,

just like out of a fairy tale.

Do you remember the one where

the wolf huffed and puffed...

and blew the piggies' house down?

And he was wearing a glass slipper,

I think, and he had a pumpkin?

Plus there was that other thing?

Well, the same thing happened to me...

only vastly different.

I changed.

And the next thing you know,

people seemed to like me for once.

And then pictures were taken,

and suddenly I found the family...

I always wanted.

Oh, I forgot to tell you,

my name is Shelley.

Now I live in the Playboy Mansion.

And this is where I want to live

happily ever after.

- Throw the ball to me, Kim.

- Oh, nice catch. Awesome throw.

- Hey, Lauren.

- Hi, Shelley!

Hi, Hef! Hi, girls!

Hi, Shelley. Looking good.

- Marvin!

- Oh, hey, Shelley.

Thank you.

You guys have to try one of these.

Marvin makes the best margaritas.

That's 'cause they're mangoritas.

I invented them myself.

I added my own little Marvin twist to them.

Well, you're the best twister I know.

No, Shelley, you're the best twister.

- Shelley.

- Hi!

Why are you keeping the rich,

good-looking, famous guys all to yourself?

- You should introduce me.

- Oh, of course.

Guys, this is Cassandra. She's

only been here for a few months,

but everybody loves her,

because she's super-beautiful...

and she never throws up

on anybody when she's drunk.

So, Shelley, are you a centerfold?

She wishes.

Yeah, I do.

So keep all your fingers crossed.

Hopefully Hef'll give me the good news

this weekend at my birthday party.

I've got my "turn ons"

all ready and everything.

Being a centerfold is the highest,

most prestigious honor there is.

It says,

"I'm naked in the middle of a magazine.

"Unfold me".

I gotta tell you, it seems

you've got a pretty good life here.

H, it's paradise.

We are just one big family.

I'm so happy.

Why would I wanna live anywhere else?

I love this one. Don't you guys?

We'll put this on the Mansion tab

and have it all sent over this afternoon.

Aren't we just the luckiest girls

in the whole world?

Yes, you are.

Your birthday party on Friday's

gonna be so much fun!

Shelley!

Oh, my God.

I bet you're gonna get Miss November.

Good morning, Shelley.

Rise and shine, sweetheart.

Good morning, Marvin.

Good morning, Pooter.

You're looking dapper.

Your blueberry French toast is ready.

Ooh-la-la.

That's French, right?

Yeah, but more important

than the food...

I actually added something

to your orange juice.

Oh, Marvin,

thank you so much for telling me.

Usually I don't find out

until much later.

Oh, no. To add zest to the drink,

first I put in some vanilla extract...

then, of course, some egg yolks,

and then, I have a secret ingredient.

All right, you twisted my arm,

it's chili powder.

Yeah. It just explodes your taste buds,

so the drink just envelops your mouth.

Oh, I love having my mouth enveloped.

What's that?

Is this from Hef?

Is this my birthday gift?

Oh, Pooter, is it finally happening?

Am I Miss November?

That's what I wished for

when I blew out my candle.

Oh, my gosh, I just told you my wish.

Now it won't come true.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean

to tell it just came out.

My teeth couldn't stop it.

I take it all back, I take it all back.

Okay, I'm ready.

"Dear Shelley.. ". h,

my gosh, that's me.

Wait, there's more.

"Please move out

of the Mansion immediately".

Move out?

"You have two hours to collect

your belongings and leave the premises.

"All my love, Hef".

Hef's kicking me out?

Why would he do that?

This is my home. This is my family.

I hate to say this, Shelley,

but maybe it's because of your age.

But I'm 27.

Yeah, but that's 59 in Bunny years.

But I just turned 27 last night.

It's almost like I'm still 26.

R 58.

I've gotta talk to Hef,

maybe he'll let me stay.

Hef!

Hef!

Hef!

Hef!

Where is he?

He left for Vegas, Shelley,

I don't think he's that good with goodbyes.

Why is this all happening?

Where's my pink Prius?

The Prius actually belongs to the company.

This is the car you came here with.

But...

Come on, Pooter.

We have to go find a new place to live.

Come on, now.

Come here, Pooter.

Here, let me help, Shelley.

Hey, Pooter. Shelley's calling you now.

Come on, Pooter.

Go with Shelley, buddy. Pooter!

That hurts! Go with Shelley, Pooter!

Damn it!

Why don't I just keep him here

for a little while, until he calms down?

Okay.

Well, don't worry, Pooter.

I'm gonna find us

a really nice place to live,

and then maybe you'll wanna

come live with me.

I'm sure he will.

Well, you take care, Shelley.

Bye.

I know it's an embarrassment

to live in a beat-up car,

but don't lose faith, Pooter.

I'm gonna get a great job soon...

and find us a super place to live,

with a new family.

I pinkie promise, Pooter.

Good evening, ma'am.

You violated Code 753.

That's unlawful spitting.

I was just brushing my teeth.

You currently residing in this car,

ma'am?

I'm gonna have to issue

another ticket.

Would you maybe stop giving me tickets if I

told you I was having a really bad week...

because I used to be a Playboy Bunny,

but I got kicked out of the Mansion...

because I'm 59 years old?

I'm gonna have to ask you to step out

of the car and take a Breathalyzer.

Okay.

Noises.

I'm gonna need you to blow on this.

Really?

I guess.

You tried to do what?

To a cop?

Stupid!

I was just doing what he said.

He was in a uniform and everything.

Don't worry, sweetie.

First-timers only get one night.

You'll be back on the street

selling in no time.

But I'm not a prostitute.

I was just brushing my teeth.

I like your tights.

And, you know, you should really

go for a more natural look.

All that heavy makeup

just hides your beauty.

I'm a dude.

Oh, well, you're good like that.

So, did you hear

about the pool party at Jordan's?

It was unbelievable.

- Oh, last Saturday?

- Yes.

- Oh, my God. He makes the best margaritas.

- Yep. It's because he uses mangos.

- No. Really?

- He read about them somewhere.

Yeah, mangoritas.

- Jordan's just so hot.

- I know.

So are all his friends.

Yeah, seriously,

I've tried to hook up with all of them.

- No, you have not.

- Yes. Yes, I did.

Two of them, I succeeded.

- Really?

- It was amazing.

Who knew?

I was so excited.

Looks like a mini-Playboy Mansion.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

Can I help you?

Yes. I would like to live here,

please.

Oh, I know, right?

But you have to be asked to live here.

- Do you go to this school?

- This is a school?

Where are the desks?

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