The House of Yes Page #5

I won't let you make fun of her.

I wasn't going to make fun of her. I was

going to ask her what she cries about.

What do you think?

You want somebody

for a very long time...

and then you have them.

And they love you.

And they make love to you.

But it's not enough.

This is the truth about sex.

Is that why Peter

was lousy in bed?

I'm not talking

about Peter, Anthony.

Jesus, I'm talking about Marty.

Why did you tell me?

I-I wish you hadn't told me.

- Oh, Anthony. You knew.

- I did not know.

- Come on. You knew.

- How old were you?

- Young.

- My whole life?

- Practically your whole life.

- I felt left out.

- Little brothers always feel left out.

- I felt majorly left out.

- Is that why you went crazy?

- No.

That's why you went crazy.

You were ashamed.

- I wasn't ashamed.

- Well, you should be.

- Oh, Anthony, don't be bourgeois.

- I'm not being bourgeois.

Don't call me bourgeois

just 'cause I know right from wrong.

- Does Lesly know?

- No.

- Well, are you gonna tell her?

- No.

- You're not gonna tell her.

- How can I tell her? - You just tell her.

- Why?

- So she knows.

- I'll tell her.

- Don't.

No, she's from Pennsylvania.

She'll understand.

- Entire towns are related.

- So, but that's like cousins.

- So?

- So, you're not cousins. You're twins.

Well, that explains

a great deal.

Why Mama insists on celebrating our

birthdays on the same day, for example.

I thought she was just being

chintzy with the party favors.

It would be bad enough if you were

just brother and sister, but twins!

Your moral outrage

is duly noted, Anthony.

- You are officially a better person than us.

- It's like f***ing a mirror!

Anthony

just said "f***."

I know.

I heard.

F***ing a mirror.

That sounds painful.

Go upstairs.

Go upstairs and tell her, or I'll...

I'll...

- What?

- Be really mad.

Don't!

- What?

- Do that.

- Okay, let's do something else. Let's do mime.

- No.

Guess where I am.

I'm in a box, and I can't get out.

- No, I'm in a box, and I can't get out.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

But that wasn't a very good mime, Marty,

because I didn't see that at all.

- Why did you have to tell him?

- To get him out of the room.

- What if he tells Lesly?

- He won't.

- What if he does?

- Are you ashamed?

- Of what?

- Of us. Of what we have.

- Had.

- I don't recognize the past tense.

I'm not ashamed.

- What are you?

- I don't know.

I see other houses.

I see other lives, and...

- What?

- They're not like mine.

- They're not like mine, either.

- They could be.

Other lives don't interest me.

That's what we always said. But maybe we said

that because we thought we couldn't have it.

- Maybe...

- We could all move to Pennsylvania.

I should go up soon.

We're not going to bed

until one of three things happen.

The hurricane ends,

or we run out of rum.

That's two.

Hmm.

Marty?

It's me.

- I have to talk to you.

- About what?

Stuff.

Well, okay, but I was just

getting ready for bed.

Can I help?

What did you wanna talk

to me about?

Where did you meet Marty?

At a party.

What did he say?

Well, there were no chairs.

There were two chairs.

Marty was sitting in one, and then he

got up, you know, to give me the chair.

I knew he wasn't from New York.

So, you fell in love with him?

- No, I thought he was gay.

- You did?

- Why?

- Well, everyone is.

In New York.

I mean, not me. Everyone. Men.

And he was so beautiful, you know?

Do you think I am?

Beautiful?

- Well, you look like Marty.

- I do?

- Uh-huh.

- 'Cause we're not exactly sure we had the same father.

I mean, my mother always had the same

husband, but she was kind of a free spirit.

- You know, like that?

- Does that bother you?

Well, I mean, if it did,

it wouldn't change anything.

I mean, I don't mean

to be Buddhistic or anything.

- Be what?

- Buddhistic.

Oh, that's okay.

- So, Lesly, how old are you?

- Twenty-three.

- Me too.

- Oh, I thought you were younger.

Well, I am.

What do you think about sex?

Well, I mean...

sex is good

with the right man, but...

- You need to be careful, you know, especially in New York.

- Careful.

- Diseases and all.

- Mental diseases?

I guess.

If somebody else fell in love

with you now, what would you do?

Tell them I was engaged.

You-You wouldn't...

You wouldn't maybe check it out?

See if maybe he's got

something to offer, like that?

No.

Do I...

Do I have a fever?

- No.

- Are you sure?

- Pretty sure.

- Could you check again?

Well, you're warm,

but not like a fever.

More like warm.

It's because I'm sitting next to you.

I'm warm because I'm sitting next to you.

- Anthony.

- What?

I don't know.

You know, like I said.

Lesly, can I hold your hand?

Just hold your hand.

Okay.

How'd you get that scar?

Oh, uh...

Well, Marty and Jackie

were playing French Revolution...

and they made me play

Marie Antoinette.

Well, Marty's probably

going to be coming up pretty soon, so...

- I don't think so. He's with Jackie-O.

- So?

- Can I hold something else now?

- Anthony!

- Can I see your knees?

- No!

- Tell me about when you lost your virginity.

- No!

Tell me something.

I don't know what to tell you.

Anything.

Do I have a fever?

- I already checked before. Twice.

- I know.

I think I have a brain tumor.

You do?

And you know what

the big tragedy of that is?

- You'll die?

- Yeah.

I'll die without ever having,

you know...

- You've never...

- No.

It's not that big a tragedy.

I mean, unless you're with exactly

the right person, it's not that great.

- It's not that great?

- No.

Like, if they smoke,

they taste like ashes, you know?

Or they, like, stick their tongue in your

ear so much you get, like, chapped ears.

Wow.

Or they're just big liars and will

say anything to get in bed with you.

- Lesly.

- Mm-hmm.

I don't smoke,

I won't stick my tongue in your ear...

and I will always

be honest with you.

Well, thank you.

But, please.

Anthony, it's... it's too weird.

Doing it with two brothers?

It's like incest.

Lesly, about incest...

I have two words to say to you.

Jackie-O and Marty.

Jackie-O and Marty.

How do you know that?

They told me.

- Who told you?

- Jackie.

- Huh.

- Then Marty.

Marty too.

I don't believe you.

All right.

Let's go for five.

Ready.

Go.

Mmm.

Oh, there's something

I've been meaning to ask you.

There's this thing I've heard...

and if I thought for one second

it was true, I'd probably kill myself.

Does your fiancee work

in a donut shop?

- A Donut King, actually.

- A Donut King?

So, is she, like, the queen?

Are we entertaining royalty?

She would be more like

a donut lady-in-waiting.

So, she's sort of

a-a marginal donut figure?

In all fairness, she is a minor

and not a major donut figure.

It's a chain, you see. There are

women like her all over the city.

- My point, exactly.

- No, my point. My point, Jackie.

There are women like her

all over the city. I know that.

But this one belongs to me.

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