The Hudsucker Proxy Page #5

Those green, remembered hills.

That bourn

from which no traveler returns.

I once ran the mimeograph for Sidney,

though engaged at the time

to quelqu'un d'autre.

My water cooler romance

became a mad passion,

an amour fou, a folie deux.

[Chuckles]

I'm brushing up my French

with a charming man.

Pierre of Fifth Avenue.

Do you know him?

Sidney and I are planning a trip

to Paris and points continental.

[Both women laugh]

- Aren't we, dear?

- Sure, sure.

I'd like to borrow Norville for a while

if you don't mind, dear.

Oh, frankly, I...

You have a very charming wife,

Mr... Sid.

So they tell me.

Let me shepherd you

through some of the introductions.

Try not to talk too much.

Some of our biggest stockholders are...

Scratch that. Say what you like.

Shake hands

with Sears Braithwaite of Bullard.

Pleasure to know you, Barnes.

This is Zebulon Oardozo, one of our

largest and most loyal stockholders.

What's this about you being an imbecile?

What's ailing you?

Last week, my stock was worth

twice what it is now.

I'm thinking of getting out

unless I see a vast improvement.

What you got here is a range war.

You're gonna have to circle our wagons

or I'm getting out of your wagon train.

No need for concern. It's only natural

for the timid to run for cover.

- Yellow? I'll show you yellow, boy.

- Zebulon, you mind, now.

- Quit actin' like such an old grizzly.

- Step lively, here, Norville.

Sorry, Sid. I thought

if I showed him the long view...

This is Thorstenson Finlandson, who

heads a group of disgruntled investors.

Pleased to meet you. I studied

a little Finnish in high school.

I hope I'm not too rusty.

[Speaks Finnish]

[Screams]

Ladies and gentlemen,

members of the Board.

I give you the Rajah of Romance,

the Ministerio of Moonlight,

the incredible, the unforgettable,

Mr Vic Tenetta.

[Cheering]

Rajah, I like that.

# Take one fresh and tender kiss

[gasps]

# Add one stolen night of bliss

# One girl, one boy

# Some grief, somejoy

# Memories are made of this

# Don't...

Norville.

What happened?

Nothing. Just the more timid investors

are no longer running for cover.

- Let me look.

- Sid found me the ice pack

Let me hold it

or you'll have a real shiner.

I guess people are pretty hot

over this "imbecile" story.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault. You're the one

person that's been standing by me.

Norville, there's something

I have to tell you.

You see, I'm not really a secretary.

- I know that, Amy.

- You do?

You're not very skilled

in the secretarial arts.

And I'm not that skilled as president.

- I put up a big front, but...

- I believe in you.

At least, I believe in your intentions.

I don't blame them, really.

I suppose I have made a mess of things.

They have to protect their investment.

Most of them are very nice.

You can't trust people here

like you did in Muncie.

Oertain people...

Ever go to the top of Larson's

feed tower and look out over the town?

- On Farm Route 17?

- Oh, yes, in Muncie.

No, in Vidalia. Farm Route 17.

Oh, yes. Seventeen, yes.

Well, no, I never...

Guys from the varsity squad

would bring their dates up there to...

...hold hands.

Oourse, I never made varsity.

There's a place I go now.

Oute place,

near my apartment in Greenwich Village.

It's called Ann's 440.

It's a beatnik bar.

You don't say! A beatnik bar.

You can get carrotjuice or Italian

coffee and the people there...

None of them quite fit in.

You'd love it.

Why don't you come there with me?

They're having a poetry reading

on New Year's Eve. I go every year.

Every year?

Well, this year, if it's good,

I plan to make it a tradition.

I... [chuckles]

My, it certainly is beautiful.

The people look like ants.

The Hindus say,

and the beatniks also,

that in our next life,

some of us will come back as ants.

Some'll be butterflies, others

elephants, or creatures of the sea.

What a beautiful thought.

What do you think you were

in a previous life, Amy?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I was just

a fast-talking career gal

who thought she was one of the boys.

No. Pardon me for saying so,

but I find that very far-fetched.

That kind would come back

as a wildebeest or a warthog.

I find it more likely that you were...

...a gazelle.

With long, graceful legs,

gamboling through the underbrush.

Perhaps we met once,

a chance encounter in a forest glade.

I must have been an antelope or an ibex.

The times we must have had,

foraging together for sustenance.

Snorfling water from a mountain stream,

picking the grubs and burrs

from one another's coats.

Or perhaps we simply touched horns

briefly and went our separate ways.

I wish it were that simple, Norville.

I wish I was still a gazelle

and you were an antelope or an ibex.

Well...

Oan I at least call you...

...dear?

You're funny.

Seriously, it's what

your beatnik friends call "karma".

The great circle of life,

death and rebirth.

I think I heard of that.

What goes around comes around.

That's it, a great wheel

that gives us all what we deserve.

I gotta show Sid and the guys

I deserve their confidence.

Tomorrow's my big presentation

to the Board.

Kiss me, Amy.

Kiss me once for luck.

Sure, Norville. Sure.

Shh!

[Norville] You know, for kids.

It has economy, simplicity,

low costs, mass appeal,

and that means profitability.

I had R&D throw together this prototype

so our discussion had some focus

and to give you a first-hand look

at how exciting this gizmo is.

It's fun, healthy, good exercise,

the kids'll just love it,

we put a little sand inside

to make it more pleasant.

The great part is, we don't have

to charge an arm and a leg.

- What if you tire?

- Does it have rules?

- Oan more than one play?

- Is it a game?

- Will it break?

- It'd better break eventually.

- What if you tire?

- Oould we charge extra for batteries?

- Is it safe for toddlers?

- How'd you make it stop?

- Is it a boy's model?

- Oan parents assemble it?

- What if you tire?

- Is there a model for the obese?

- What the hell is it?

- Well, it's...

It's...

- It's erm...

- [Mussburger] Brilliant.

Genius.

It's just exactly what Hudsucker

needs at this juncture.

Even a blind man can tell you

there'll be enormous demand for this...

This...

Oongratulations, kid.

You've reinvented the wheel.

I'm gonna recommend that

we proceed immediately and that the...

...that the er...

...dingus be mass-produced

with all deliberate speed.

Although we realize,

of course,

as president,

the ultimate decision is yours.

Well, I'm for it.

[Bell rings]

[Whoosh]

[Whoosh]

[Ad man]

We'll call it The Flying Doughnut.

- The Dancing Dingus.

- The Belly-Go-Round.

- The Swingerina.

- The Wacky Oircumference.

Uncle Midriff!

- [Ad man] Something short.

- Sharp.

- A little jazz...

- The Shezammeter.

- The Hipster.

- The Daddy-O.

[Bell rings]

[Whoosh]

The Hoopsucker.

The Hudswinger.

- The Hoopsucker.

- The Hudswinger.

- Fellas, fellas...

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