The Hudsucker Proxy Page #6

- You got something?

Fellas, I've got something.

[Ticker-tape machine]

[Bell rings]

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

Wow!

[Pings]

Norville!

Rockwell News

presents Tidbits of Time.

World news in pictures. We kid you not.

As Old Man 1958

hobbles towards his finish,

Barnes is the name

on every American lip.

Norville Barnes,

young president of Hudsucker Industries,

a boy bred in the heartland

but now the toast of New York.

Barnes is the brainy inventor

of America's craziest craze,

the Hula Hoop, reaping

unprecedented profits for his company

and winning the hearts, and hips,

of every youngster in America.

Ho-ho. Did I say "youngster"?

Here's Mom taking a break

from her household chores.

And even Dad is swinging into the act.

Cards, letters,

congratulations come pouring in

from Kankakee to Petaluma,

including one very special

long-distance call.

He's on. He's on the line.

[Shouting]

- Hello?

- Hello, this is the President.

- My God, sir.

- I wanted to congratulate you.

I'm very proud of you.

Mrs Eisenhower

is very proud of you.

The American people

are very proud of you.

[Reporters] Mr Barnes, over here.

[Reporters shout]

How did you come up

with the idea for the Hula Hoop?

Well, it was no great idea, really.

A thing like this takes

a whole company to put together.

Did you think

there'd be such a huge response?

Frankly, I don't think anybody

expected this much hoopla.

[Laughter]

"Hoopla on the Hula Hoop."

Oan we quote you on that?

Sure, I guess.

Are you thinking of giving yourself

a nice fat raise?

[Norville] Oome on, you guys.

[Newsreel] What principle explains

the motion of this wheel of wonder?

The dingus is quite simple.

It works on the same principles that

keeps the Earth spinning around the sun

and that keeps you from flying off the

Earth into the cold reaches of space,

where you would die

like a miserable swine.

Yes, the principle is the same,

except for the piece of grit they put in

to make the experience more pleasant.

[Man] Yes, it's hula, hula everywhere.

From the parties

of the Park Avenue smart set...

to sweethearts who want

to be married in the "swing"of things.

Did the Board consider you an "Idea Man"

when it promoted you from the mail room?

I don't think it was because

they thought I was a schmo.

What's the next big idea for you

and Hudsucker Industries?

I don't know. An idea like this baby

doesn't come overnight.

I'll tell you one thing: I certainly

didn't expect all this hoopla.

You can quote me on that.

Rumpus Magazine calls you

the most eligible bachelor of the year

and you've been linked

with fashion model Za-Za.

We're just dear friends.

Isn't that right, Za-Za?

[Tyres screech, crash]

- [Meows]

- [Reporters whistle]

How do you respond to charges

you're out of ideas?

- Has Norville Barnes run dry?

- Not at all.

Just this week,

I came up with several ideas.

A larger Hula Hoop for the portly.

A battery option

for the lazy or spastic.

A model with extra sand for the

hard-of-hearing. I'm earning my keep.

Do you expect to get a raise?

By anyone's account, I single-handedly

have saved Hudsucker Industries.

Our stock is worth more than ever.

So I expect to be compensated for that.

[Train rattles]

[Sobs]

- Pull yourself together, man.

- Nobody told me.

You sold all our stock?

- We dumped the whole load.

- I had 20,000 shares.

- I'd be a millionaire now.

- Sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires.

There's no point looking back.

Stillson thought that dumping

our position would panic the market,

further depress the stock.

Then we could buy it back,

and more, once it got cheap.

Oheap? Oheap?

It's never been more valuable.

And I'm ruined.

Ruined.

Addison.

I'm getting off this merry-go-round.

Myron.

Plexiglas.

I had it installed last week.

[Plexiglas squeaks]

[Thud]

Myron?

All right.

So the kid caught a wave.

Right now,

he and his dingus are on top.

Well, this too shall pass.

Myrtle J Mussburger

did not raise her boy

to go knock-kneed

at the first sign of adversity.

I say we made this chump,

we can break him.

I say the higher he climbs,

the harder he drops.

I say yes, the kid has a future.

And in it

I see shame, dishonor,

ignominy, disgrace.

Sure, sure, the music plays,

the wheel turns,

and our spin ain't over yet.

[Massage gloves buzz]

For Pete's sakes. Norville.

[Norville] Where have you been hiding?

Do you know what those nincompoops

in the boardroom are doing?

- I wouldn't call them that.

- Discharge 8%% % of the workforce here.

In New York alone,

that's 1,800 people out of work.

With wives, children and families.

We're pruning away some dead wood.

- You mean you know about this?

- Know about it? Sure.

You think the Board would do it without

my authorization? It was my idea.

- Your idea?

- We're in a period of transition here.

- Things have slowed down.

- You're being kind to yourself.

The fact is you've slowed down,

sitting here like a sultan.

Ideas are the lifeblood of industry

and you haven't had one since the Hoop.

You've forgotten

what made your ideas exciting.

It wasn't for fame, wealth...

Would you get out of here?

You too, sisters, move it. Out.

I've been watching you, Norville Barnes.

- Amy, you...

- And I've noticed how you've changed.

I used to think you were a swell guy.

Well, I thought you were an imbecile.

- I'm...

- Then I found out you were a swell guy.

A little slow, but a swell guy.

Maybe you're not so slow,

but you're not so swell, either, and

it seems you're an imbecile after all.

You haven't talked to me for a week

and now I'm going to say my piece.

Look, I've never been dumped

by a fella before and that hurts.

What really hurts

is watching you outrun your soul.

Ohasing after money

and the respect of a board

that wouldn't give you

the time of day if you...

- Worked in a watch factory.

- [Laughs]

Shut up! Exactly.

Oh, Norville.

Remember how you felt about the Hoop?

You told me you were going to bring

a smile to the hips of America,

regardless of creed or color.

Finally there'd be a thing

to bring everyone together.

Even if it kept them apart spatially.

"You know, for kids."

Your words, not mine.

I used to love Norville Barnes.

Yes, love him.

He was just a swell kid

with hot ideas who was in over his head.

Now your head's too big to be in over.

- Oonsider this my resignation.

- Ow!

Effective immediately.

[Door slams]

[Singing from Carmen]

[Buzz] Buddy?

Buddy.

- [Norville snores]

- Oh, buddy.

Buddy. Say, buddy?

Buddy. Say, buddy?

[Grumbles]

- Buddy. You busy?

- What?

Looks like you nodded off.

Say, you got a minute?

- Buzz? Is this important?

- I like to think so.

It's this little idea I been working on.

I don't intend

to be an elevator boy forever.

Incredibly convenient, isn't it?

You know, for drinks.

This is how it works. It's got ridges

that give it its whammy.

You don't have to drink like this

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