The Hudsucker Proxy Page #8

Barnes' brain caught red-handed.

Ideas ersatz.

Man from Muncie a moron after all.

Read all about it.

New Year's Eve edition!

Man from Muncie...

You're not so slow,

but you're not so swell either.

Looks like you're an imbecile after all.

Sure, sure. But your friend called you

dope, dipstick, lamebrain, schmo.

Please, buddy,

running the elevator, it's all I got.

[Eisenhower] Norville, you let me down.

You let Mrs Eisenhower down.

You let the American people down.

When you're dead, you stay dead.

- You stay dead.

- [Amy laughs]

Sure, sure.

The kid is screwy, it's official.

The barred-window boys

are out looking for him now.

We'll see how Wall Street likes the news

that the president of Hudsucker

Industries is off to the booby hatch.

When Doc Bromfenbrenner

gets through with him

he'll need diapers and a dribble cup.

- [All grumble]

- Well, if that's all...

[all] Long live the Hud.

[Music plays]

Why don't you watch where...?

Hiya, buddy.

Out on the town, huh?

Guess what, Mr Muss...

Sid says I can have my old job back.

- I deserve a second chance, he says.

- He did?

Turns out Old Bucketbutt

isn't so bad after all.

Buzz, that's wonderful.

He told me you stole that swell

Hoop idea from me. What gives?

- But, Buzz, I would never...

- Gee, that was a swell idea.

And Sid says you stoled it.

What are you waiting on?

Pop him one.

[Norville] But, Buzz...

[woman] He looks like a bum.

- Isn't he that lunatic?

- He's a menace.

- He's that big-shot faker.

- That Wall Street fraud guy.

Nuttier than a fruitcake.

[Woman] For heavens' sakes,

somebody call a cop.

[All gasp]

[All shout]

[Tramp]

Ring out the old and ring in the new.

Ring out the old and ring in the new.

[Tyres screech]

Where you going?

Ring out the old.

[Whoosh]

[Gust of wind]

[Newton's cradle clicks]

[Mussburger mumbles]

[Elevator pings]

[Gasps]

[Clattering]

Hey!

[Shrieks]

[Clock chimes]

Hey!

Hey!

[Groans]

[Screams]

[Laughs]

[Screams]

[Clanking]

[Clanking]

Strictly speaking,

I'm never supposed to do this.

But have you got a better idea?

# She'll be driving six white horses

When she comes

# We'll all have chicken and dumplings

When she comes

# We'll all have chicken and dumplings

We'll all have chicken and dumplings

# We'll all have chicken and dumplings

When she comes

# She'll be comin'round the mountain

When she comes

# She'll be comin'round the mountain

When she comes

# She'll be comin'round the mountain

She'll be comin'round the mountain

# She'll be comin'round the mountain

When she comes

# She'll be comin'round the mountain

I said, comin'round the mountain

# Oh, yeah, comin'round the mountain

When she comes #

Love that tune. How you doing, kid?

Mr Hudsucker?

How do you like that? They're all

wearing them upstairs. It's a fad.

Anyway, I see you've been having

some problems with the Board.

Sidney's putting

the screws to you, Norman?

Norville.

Say what you like about his ethics,

he's a balls-to-the-wall businessman.

Straight for the jugular.

Any particular reason

you didn't give him my blue letter?

Jesus, Norman, just a dying man's

last words and wishes. No big deal.

I must have mislaid it.

It's sitting in your apron pocket,

right where you left it.

Imbecile. Failure to deliver

a blue letter is grounds for dismissal.

- Jeez, I...

- I'm not going to add to your woes.

I'm just saying.

You want to read it?

Might learn something.

Might keep you from jumping out windows.

"Blue letter.

From the desk of Waring Hudsucker."

"To Sidney J Mussburger,

regarding my demise."

"Dear Sid, by the time you read this,

I'll be with the organization upstairs."

"An exciting new beginning.

I will retain fond mem..."

- Memories.

- "...of the many years we spent..."

Standard resignation boilerplate.

Go to the second paragraph.

"You will be wondering why I am ending

my tenure at Hudsucker and on Earth."

"Granted, from the standpoint

of our balance sheet, we're doing fine."

"But in my personal life

I have made grave errors."

"I have let my success

become my identity."

"I have foolishly played the great man

and watched my life

become more empty as a result."

"My vanity drove away she

who could have saved me."

"Oh, yes, I loved a woman once,

as you well know."

"A beautiful, vibrant lady."

"An angel who, in her wisdom,

saw fit to choose you instead of I."

- "Mr Hudsucker."

- [Mr Hudsucker wails]

[Mr Hudsucker]

Skip this part. [blows nose]

Next page. Next page!

[Whistles]

"This brings me to our company,

Sid, and its future."

"Our next president must have

the liberty I have had

to experiment and even fall...

Fail.

...without fear of the whims

of the stockholders or the Board,

- the president must be free to fall...

- Fail.

...and learn to fail...

- Fall.

...and rise again

by applying what he has learned."

"Such is business. Such is life."

"Accordingly, I hereby bequeath

all of my shares in Hudsucker Industry

to whomever you and the Board

shall elect to succeed me as president."

"I assume this will be you, Sidney."

"If not, if the Board chooses someone

else to be the new president, then..."

Tough titty toenails. [laughs]

That'll show the bastard!

[Laughs]

OK, go ahead.

"I urge you to work

with the new president

and remind him when he needs it that

failure should never lead to despair."

"That despair looks only

to the past, in business...

[squeaking]

And in love."

The future is now.

[Norville] "The future is now."

"When our future president needs it,

Waring Hudsucker hereby bequeaths him

his second chance."

[Screams]

- [Screams]

- [Laughs]

Deliver that letter in the morning.

[Laughs] Yahoo!

Yeah!

[Moses] And so began 1959.

The New Year.

When he learned Norville owned the

company, old Sidney was upset at first.

It's a good thing

Doc Bromfenbrenner was there,

Sidney?

'Cause he was able to keep Sidney

from harming his old self.

He prescribed a long rest

in a sana... in the sanatori...

in the booby hatch.

Now, Norville, he went on and ruled

with wisdom and compassion,

and started dreaming up

them new ideas again.

For kids.

I had the boys at R&D

throw together this prototype

so our discussion could have some focus

and to give you gentlemen a first look.

And that's the story of how

Norville Barnes climbed way up

to the 44th floor

of the Hudsucker Building,

and then fell all the way down,

but didn't quite squish himself.

You know, they say there was a man

whojumped from the 45th floor.

But that's another story.

[Laughs]

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