The Humbling Page #6

---

And she's built up these fantasies.

How would you know?

What?

What did he say?

- How...

- What?

How would you know?

How would you know? How would you know?

How do you know what he's saying?

How would I know what?

About my own daughter?

Because I'm her mother,

that's how I know.

That's how I know! It's how I know!

You're getting older by the day.

- Oh, really?

- You're 65 now.

And soon, you'll be 66.

And then, 67.

And so on.

It never stops.

And it won't be long before they're just

wheeling you around in a chair.

Well, if I had...

I have no idea what he's saying.

- If I had a child...

- What are you... what is he saying?

- What is he saying?

- What...

Simon, do you hear her?

I know you hear her.

- Yeah.

- And this is serious.

What is he saying?

You will stop...

seeing our daughter.

- Yes.

- As of tonight!

- Yes.

- I never said I would not ever...

No. Simon. Simon, listen. Simon.

It's not going to be good for you.

Simon, it's not going to turn out well.

And it's not going to

turn out well for her.

You have to stop.

Okay.

Pegeen started talking to

her mother more and more.

Click. Click the pen.

No, everything's fine with my classes.

I don't know why she would take these

Simon-bashing calls under my own roof.

Okay. Anyway, well, love you, too.

Talk to you later, Mom. Bye.

So, what did your mother have to say?

The usual. She thinks I'm starstruck.

Oh, but she couldn't stop talking about

how pathetic you were at the vet.

It's really her favorite topic now.

She keeps using the word "feeble."

And then, she says, "He's a shell

of a man. A shell of a man."

It's really great. It's like a

whole new routine she's got.

I wish I was there.

So, why'd you go upstairs?

I was just looking around upstairs

when she called.

- Looking around?

- Yeah.

It's great. It's so big up here.

Why don't you ever use it?

I don't know. Just... I'm not ready.

What do you mean you're not ready?

You've lived here for 14 years.

Yeah, but I like it down here.

I like it. This is like an apartment.

You know, like a New York apartment.

It's like an apartment with a pool.

Well, nothing... nothing's perfect.

So, tell me about your mom.

I think it gives her something

to live for. Her hating you...

Do you have any idea why she cares

so much about what her parents think?

A lot of animosity?

- No, but why does this upset you?

- Well, because it's upsetting.

I mean, here she is... she's... she's...

Shouldn't they be happy that she's getting

someone who's achieved something in life?

Who's done things, who's lived,

who can offer her something?

I mean, after all,

she's not getting any younger.

And why does she act like this?

You know, Pegeen and her transformation

is like this orgy of spending

and spoiling.

And I'm out of money.

I'm just... I'm just, you know.

Simon, there's desperation

in your voice.

Well, I'm out of money,

I can't act anymore,

and what am I going to do?

How am I going to keep her?

You shouldn't have to

buy Pegeen's affection.

What if I do?

So I talked to your accountant.

You're spending way too much

money on women's clothing.

Way too much money on women's clothing.

Do you have any idea what it costs

to heat a pool in Connecticut

in the dead of winter? And on top of that,

you're giving her spending money.

I know I'm spending too much money.

What about the book deal?

There's not that much interest.

There won't be enough advanced dollars.

Oh. That's kind of depressing.

Not that much interest in my life.

Well, you're the one

who lost interest first.

Maybe some commercials?

Yeah,

we'll talk again.

Hi.

Do you ever come out?

You should come in.

I don't know, you know.

I don't think I'm dressed for it.

Yeah, but... guess what?

You don't even have to be afraid

to swim because I'm a lifeguard.

Certified. I could save your life.

You already have.

You already have.

Who is it? Who is it?

It's your agent!

Look, Simon, be happy.

Your fan mail has really picked up.

- Really?

- Yeah, I mean...

I mean, they're all from the same woman,

this Sybil Van Buren woman, but still...

They're going to offer you $150,000

to be the spokesperson.

- You'll travel to Europe...

- Spokesperson? For what?

For a new specialized technique.

- It's called a "hair-ation."

- Hair-ation?

It's a special technique

developed by a Dr. Kingsley...

- For?

- ...for everything in the general...

hair area.

- So, a hair loss product.

- Well, if you put it like that...

- Have you lost your mind completely?

- $150,000.

I don't care how much.

What does it matter?

What about my dignity?

I mean, what little of it I have left.

Do something real then.

Take the role on Broadway.

- What role?

- The King Lear role on Broadway.

- King Lear?

- I've told you before.

- I'm telling you again. The King Lear...

- You're telling me again?

- Yes. Yes.

- This is the first time I'm hearing it.

No, it's... no, well, King Lear...

They want you for King Lear on Broadway.

Oh, they want me.

I mean, you love tragedy.

How many times? What do I have to do?

Do you want me to say it out loud?

There's a buzz about you.

They want to see you.

They want to see if you'll jump again.

You know, like Spiderman.

People just went to see...

Where they're flying around

on all those cables...

- if somebody would fall.

- Sort of like the circus.

You've got to do something.

You have no money.

I've become a freak.

- They're coming to see the freak.

- You got to...

Get me a commercial that has hair in it.

My hair.

- Yeah. Yeah. Almost.

- Okay.

- No cigar.

- Right.

All right. Let me try one more time.

You know, I don't think you should.

I think you should really just rest it.

Maybe...

Maybe we try it on the side.

- Let's just...

- Okay. Okay. All right.

- Oh, Jesus!

- Oh, oh, oh no.

Oh, gosh. Oh, no.

Oh, this can't...

this can't be happening.

Well, it is.

Just give it a day or so, you know.

- This thing has to loosen up, that's all.

- Sure. Sure. Of course.

You know, because...

sometimes it takes three days,

so I got one more day left.

You know, I just got to get...

I got to get into the

exercise part of it, you know?

Get into a routine

and just do it every day.

- Lie there, you know.

- Yeah.

Go through the stretches.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah.

You know that... that...

horse tranquilizer that the vet gave me?

I mean, that... that was pretty good.

- Yeah, it was so good.

- Yeah, it turned out okay that night.

Yeah.

Anything I can do to help here?

I don't think you f***ed

the lesbian out of me yet.

Are you still sleeping

with women, Pegeen?

- Just twice.

- Twice?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- With Louise?

- Yeah. No. No. Don't be crazy.

Well, with whom then?

Just a couple of softball girls I found.

This isn't a love story.

This is an object of my affection, okay?

A f***ing cliche is what it is.

That's what I've become.

I'm a love cliche.

She's a young woman.

That whole thing, you know.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes