The Humbling Page #7

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At least she's a lesbian.

I wasn't that stupid.

I picked the right one though, didn't I?

I mean, this one's bound to leave me.

Bound to leave me, but you know...

I do deserve it.

Everything I get, I deserve.

And you know what?

I go into it with that open mind.

Because f*** it. Give it to me.

Give me all you got.

I'll take it. I wish for it.

I glory in it.

Pegeen turned her last

girlfriend into a man.

She turned me into a half-crazed beggar.

Who knows what she's turned you into.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Yes.

Jerry, it's me.

- I'll do it.

- Really? That's fantastic, Simon.

I'll call the Broadway producers

first thing in the morning.

Ever since that swan

dive into the orchestra,

- they've been dying for you to come back.

- No, not King Lear.

The... the other one.

Yeah, don't sound

too enthusiastic, please.

- No, I am. The hair product.

- Yeah, right.

No, that's a good choice, too,

As long as you're back out there, right?

Yes. Yeah.

Dr. Farr, you're not

going to believe this.

- Sybil showed up again.

- What do you mean she showed up?

She showed up.

I'm on my way to the commercial,

she's there, she's in

my driveway in the snow.

She's just, she's just,

she's just stalking me.

- She keeps stalking me.

- Not again.

Simon, I'm a little confused.

Hold on one second.

Come on out.

Simon, I'm just looking at a

postcard Sybil just sent me.

She seems to be in Florida right now.

Here.

- What's that?

- Money.

Money? For what?

You know damn well what it's for.

I refuse to come near that.

Now, please stay away with that money.

- It's too late, Simon.

- Oh, yeah? And why is that?

Because you've already agreed

to kill my husband.

- You're an accomplice now.

- No. No.

- Yes. Yes.

- No. No, no, no.

You saw pictures.

You are deep into this, mister.

- You and I have an understanding.

- We don't have anything.

You're going to be... you know the play

Harvey when he has an invisible rabbit?

- Yes.

- That's what you are.

I will you out of my life.

- Great.

- You're willed out.

Simon, I don't understand.

Why are you referencing the play Harvey?

He was an invisible rabbit.

He existed in Elwood's mind.

Was Sybil there?

Or was she not there?

Sybil's a stalker.

She's crazy.

She somehow... all the fan mail

and every... she got it in her head.

What are you doing?

I am just trying to find

a place in your new life.

Well, there isn't one.

Why can't there be?

We have a beautiful history together.

What does he have to

offer you that I don't?

I'm younger than him

and more attractive.

And in some ways more masculine.

Enough, Priscilla.

I am not a heterosexual woman.

I'll be right back.

I have to use the bathroom.

- Which... which one?

- Simon!

What is wrong with you?

I'm sorry. I'm just, you know...

I don't see why we had

to invite your ex to lunch.

I'm not going to do any commercials.

I'm going to stay home.

You're under no obligation to me

what you do when I'm not there.

It has nothing to do with

the reality you and I share.

That's indecipherable.

So what about you? Are you going to take

a real business trip one of these days

to the stage or are you

just going to keep wallowing

in your own angst and self pity forever?

I'm sorry, that was mean of me,

what I said back there,

but I don't want to be with somebody

who just gives up on his career.

You don't have to go out there

every night, face an audience

night after night and lie to them.

I think you could try harder.

I think you could try harder for me.

Show me the man

that is not passion's slave,

and I will wear him in my heart.

Yes. In my heart of hearts.

When the mind's free,

the body's delicate,

the tempest in my mind

doth from my senses

take all feeling else.

Lear.

Let go.

What?

- Pegeen?

- Yes?

- She killed him.

- What?

Sybil Van Buren killed her husband.

- I can't believe it.

- Really?

Oh, God. She told me

I was an accomplice.

We met at a mental institution.

She gets out of the hospital,

she comes to my town,

she sends me letters,

she comes to my house.

You know, she became a stalker.

And each time I told her, "Please go away.

I want nothing to do with this."

Mrs. Van Buren said that you encouraged her

to find someone else to kill her husband.

That's not the way I said it.

But you did say to her, "You ought

to find a professional hitman"?

Well, yes. Well, yes, I said, but...

Therefore you were encouraging her

to find a way to kill her husband.

- You're twisting the logic. I'm sorry.

- Am I correct?

I don't mean, you know...

impose on your work.

I mean, but that's not... Pegeen?

- I mean, could you help me here?

- That won't be necessary.

- Okay.

- Were you sexually involved with Sybil?

No. Please. No.

I mean, this is a young woman

in her early 30s at best.

No. I just... She was a misguided fan.

That's what she was.

Before you go, I want to let you know

that I've been doing some

reorganization of your playthings.

- What playthings?

- Playthings?

- They shouldn't be left laying around.

- Yes, I agree, Mrs. Rutledge.

Now, the... the mechanical

electronic devices,

the magic wand,

the G-spot vibrator, and the...

Jack rabbit, they should

be oiled at least once a month.

- Yeah, right.

- That's true.

And the pigtail butt plug

and the... the double dong,

and the fisting mitt,

- they're going in the washer.

- You're absolutely right, Mrs. Rutledge.

- Have a nice evening.

- Thank you.

- Thanks, folks. You have a great evening now.

- You too. Thank you.

I'm going to be right back.

Okay.

Oh, I should've known.

I should've known.

The minute Pegeen got up from the table.

I should've known.

- No, really?

- Three times to quit.

That's so cute to think

of you in a pick-up truck.

- Are you ready?

- I love that.

- What?

- You ready?

Oh, Simon. This is Tracy.

- Hi.

- Yeah. Hi.

Wait. Are you that actor?

Wow. You were really great in this movie

that I used to watch

when I was really little.

- What was it called?

- I don't know.

You know, the one with the tarantula.

I've never made a

movie with a tarantula.

- Are you sure?

- No.

- Yes he was.

- Isn't she adorable?

Yeah.

Shall we?

Oh, actually,

we're having so much fun here.

I can... could I get

a ride home from you?

- Yeah. Yes.

- With your truck? She has a truck.

- I drive a truck.

- You can go on home if you want.

I'll catch up later. We'll be fine.

- Hi.

- Hi, Simon.

Hi, girls. Have a nice time?

- Yes.

- Yes.

We had a really nice time.

Sure you did.

I was going to give Tracy

the grand tour of the house.

Oh. Be my guest.

- Well, I want you to come.

- Yeah.

- You know, go ahead.

- No.

I don't know. I'm doing all right here.

Why don't you do it?

- No, come. No, I want you to come.

- Yeah, all right. I will come.

- Yay.

- Come this way.

Go down this hallway.

What are we going to do?

Take human playthings into our bed now?

- Maybe.

- Yeah.

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