The Iceman Cometh Page #10

Tell it to

Old Wise Guy Larry,

who's still pretendin'

he's the one exception

who don't do no

pipe dreamin'!

I...

All right.

Take it out on me,

if it makes you more content.

Sure, I love every hair

of your heads,

my great big

beautiful baby dolls,

and there's nothing

I wouldn't do for you.

The old

Irish bunk, huh?

We ain't big

and we ain't

your baby dolls!

But we admit

we're beautiful,

huh, Margie?

Yeah, sure thing.

But what would he do

with beautiful dolls

even if he had the price,

the old goat?

Ahh!

Larry, you're okay even though

you are full of bull.

Sure,

you're aces with us;

we're nervous,

that's all.

It's Hickey,

that lousy drummer!

Why can't he be like

he's always been?

I ain't never seen

a guy change so.

What do you think

happened to him, Larry?

I don't know.

With all his gab

I noticed he's kept

that to himself so far.

Maybe he's saving

the great revelation

for Harry's party.

Oh!

Let him mind his own business

and I'll mind mine.

Yeah,

that's what I say.

Say, Larry,

where's that young friend

of yours disappeared to?

I don't care where he is,

except I wish he was

a thousand miles away!

He's a pest.

I told him,

"I'll take

a lot from you, Hickey,"

"like everyone else

in this dump,"

"because you always

been a grand guy."

"But there's things I don't take

from you nor nobody, see?"

"Remember that,"

or you'll wake up

in a hospital,

"or maybe worse,

"with your wife

and the iceman

walkin' slow behind ya."

Aw, you oughtn't make

that iceman crack, Rocky.

I noticed he ain't pulled

that old gag this time.

(gasps)

Do you suppose he did

catch his wife cheatin', hum?

Oh, that's the bunk!

He ain't pulled that gag

or showed a photo around

because he ain't drunk.

And if he's caught her

cheatin'

he'd be drunk,

wouldn't he?

He'd have beat her up

and then gone on the worst drunk

he'd ever staged.

Sure, Rocky's got

the right dope, baby.

I stood tellin' people this dump

is closed for the night

all I'm gonna!

Let Harry hire a doorman,

pay him wages, if he wants one.

Yeah?

Harry's pretty

damned good to ya.

Sure he is,

I don't mean that.

Anyways,

it's all right.

I told Schwartz,

the cop,

we closed for the party.

He'll keep folks away.

I wants me a big drink,

that's what.

Who's stoppin' yuh?

You can have all you want

on Hickey.

All right,

I earned all the drinks on him

I could drink in a year

for listenin' to his

crazy bull.

And here's hopin'

he gets the lockjaw.

I drinks on him,

but I don't drink with him.

No, sir,

never no more!

Oh, bull.

Hickey's all right,

what's he done to you?

That's my business.

Sure, you would think

he's all right.

He's a white man,

ain't he?

Now listen to me,

you white boys!

Now don't you

get it in your head

that I was pretendin' to be

what I ain't,

or that I ain't

proud to be what I am

you gettin' me?

Or you and me

is goin' to have trouble.

What nerve!

Just because

you act nice to him,

he gets a swelled nut...

if that ain't

a coon all over.

He talkin' fight talk, huh?

I'll murder the n*gger.

Listen, listen, boys,

I, I'm sorry.

You been

good friends to me.

It's that Hickey,

he gets my head all mixed up

with craziness.

Oh, that's

all right, Joe.

The boys wasn't

takin' you serious.

Jees, what did I say?

Hickey ain't

overlookin' no bets.

And you gotta admit

he's got

the right dope.

I mean, on some

of the bums here.

He's certainly got one guy

I know sized up right.

Ain't he, Pearl?

He certainly has.

Cut it out,

I told ya!

It's nothing to me

what happened to him.

But I have a feeling he's dying

to tell us inside him,

and yet he's afraid.

Like that damned kid.

Strange the queer way

he seemed to recognize him.

If he's afraid,

that explains

why he's off booze.

Afraid if he got drunk,

he might tell...

Well, well, well!

Here I am

in the nick of time.

Well, come on, somebody,

give me a hand

with these packages.

Jees, Hickey,

you scared me outta

a year's growth,

sneakin' in like that.

"Sneakin'?"

You were all so busy

drinking in words of wisdom

from Old Wise Guy here,

you couldn't hear

anything else.

And from what

I heard, Larry,

you're not so good

when you start playing

Sherlock Holmes.

You've got me all wrong.

I'm not afraid

of anything now,

not even myself.

You better stick to

the part of Old Cemetery,

the Barker

for the Big Sleep.

That is, if you can still

let yourself get away with it.

"Old Cemetery!"

That's him, Hickey.

We'll have

to call him that.

Beginning to do

a lot of puzzling about me,

aren't you, Larry?

But that won't help you.

You've got

to think of yourself,

I couldn't give you

my peace.

You've got to find

your own,

all I can do

is to help you,

and the rest of the gang,

by showing you the way

to find it.

Oh, hire a church!

All right, boys and girls,

don't get sore.

I guess that did sound too much

like a lousy preacher.

Well, let's forget it

and get on with the party.

Is those bundles

grub, Hickey?

You bought enough already

to feed an army.

I want this to be the biggest

birthday Harry's ever had.

Now you and Rocky

go out in the hall

and bring in

the big surprise!

My arms are busted

lugging it.

Jees, you got us all

head up!

What is it, Hickey?

Wait and see!

I thought to myself,

"I'll bet this is what would

please those whores

more than anything."

Then I said to myself,

"I don't care

"how much money it costs,

they're worth it,

"they're the best

little scouts in the world,

"and they've always been

damned kind to me

when I was down and out."

And I meant

every word of that.

Well,

what's the matter?

Ehh...

Oh, I see.

Now look, you know I didn't

say that to offend you.

So don't be silly now.

All right,

all right.

Oh, look,

here it comes!

Hickey, what...

What'd you get?

Unveil it, boys!

Oh, it's champagne!

Oh, jees, Hickey,

if you ain't a sport!

I never been soused

on champagne!

Hey, let's get stinko!

Oh, you betcha my life!

All of us!

You sure is hittin'

the high spots, Hickey.

When I runs

my gamblin' house,

I drink that old bubbly

water in steins.

And I'm gonna drink

that way again, too,

as soon's I make

my stake.

And that ain't

no pipe dream, neither.

What'll we drink

it outta, Hickey?

There ain't no

wine glasses.

Well, Joe's got

the right idea, steins!

That's the spirit

for Harry's party.

We will drink wine

beneath the willow trees!

That's the spirit,

brother,

and let the lousy slaves

drink vinegar.

(chuckles)

Got damned liar!

Leave Hugo be!

He rotted 10 years in prison

for his faith.

He earned his dream!

Have you no decency

or pity?

Hello, what's this?

I thought you were in

the grandstand.

Listen, Larry,

you're gettin' me all wrong.

Hell, you ought

to know me better.

Of course I have pity,

but now that

I've seen the light,

it's not my old kind

of pity,

the kind yours is.

The kind that lets itself off

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