The Importance of Being Earnest Page #6

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Besides, of course, there is

the question of your name.

Yes, of course.

You mustn't laugh at me,

darling...

but it has always been

a girlish dream of mine...

to love someone

whose name is Ernest.

There's something

in that name...

that seems to inspire

absolute confidence.

My own dear joy, do you mean

to say you couldn't love me...

if I had another name?

-But what name?

-Well...

Algy, for instance.

I might respect you, Ernest...

I might admire

your character...

but I fear that I would

never be able to give you...

my undivided attention.

Mmm. Mmm.

Ahem.

The dog cart

is ready for you, sir.

-Ahem.

-Ahem.

And now you must go, my love...

for sooner then

shall you return.

Oh, what a charming boy.

I like his hair so much.

You wanted to see me,

Dr. Chasuble?

I didn't.

Oh.

You didn't?

Oh.

I'm sorry...

but merely for

the purposes of clarification...

when you said you didn't...

did you mean you didn't say

you wanted to see me...

or that you didn't, in fact,

want to see me?

Isn't language a curious thing?

Will you excuse me?

I have a double baptism

this afternoon...

Bless you.

A Miss Fairfax has called

to see Mr. Worthing--

on very important business,

Miss Fairfax states.

Mr. Worthing is sure

to be out soon, Merriman...

so kindly bring some tea.

Yes, miss.

-Miss Cardew.

-Thank you.

Miss Fairfax, pray let me

introduce myself to you.

My name is Cecily Cardew.

Cecily Cardew.

What a very sweet name.

Something tells me

we're going to be great friends.

I like you already

more than I can say...

and my first impressions

of people are never wrong.

You're here on a short visit,

I suppose.

-Oh, no, I live here.

-Really?

Your mother, no doubt,

or some female relative...

of advanced years

resides here also.

Oh, no. I have no mother,

nor, in fact, any relations.

-Indeed.

-My dear guardian...

has the arduous task

of looking after me.

-Your guardian?

-I'm Mr. Worthing's ward.

Oh.

It is strange.

He never mentioned it.

How secretive of him.

Ha ha ha!

He grows

more interesting hourly.

But I am bound to state that...

now that I know

you are Mr. Worthing's ward...

I cannot help expressing

a wish that you were...

well, just a little bit older

than you seem to be...

and not quite so very alluring

in appearance.

In fact,

if I may speak candidly...

Pray do.

I think whenever one...

has anything unpleasant

to say...

one should always be

quite candid.

Yes. Well, to speak

with perfect candour, Cecily...

I wish

you were fully forty-two...

and more than usually plain

for your age.

Ernest has

a strong upright nature.

He's the very soul

of truth and honour.

I think--I think Jack,

for instance.

Jack. I think Jack,

for instance, a charming name.

Oh. but it is not

Mr. Ernest Worthing...

who's my guardian.

It is his brother,

his elder brother.

Oh. That accounts for it.

Cecily, you've lifted a load

from my mind.

I was growing almost anxious.

Of course, you're quite sure...

it's not Mr. Ernest Worthing

who is your guardian?

Quite sure.

In fact...

I am going to be his.

I beg your pardon?

Mr. Ernest Worthing and I

are engaged to be married.

My darling Cecily, I think

there must be some slight error.

Mr. Ernest Worthing

is engaged to me.

The announcement will appear

in the Morning Post...

on Saturday at the latest.

I'm afraid you must be

under some misconception.

Ernest proposed to me

exactly ten minutes ago.

Oh, it's very curious, for

he asked me to be his wife...

yesterday afternoon

at five thirty.

If you would care to verify

the incident, pray do so.

I never travel

without my diary.

One should always have

something sensational to read...

in the train.

I'm so sorry, dear Cecily...

but I'm afraid

I have the prior claim.

May I offer you some tea,

Miss Fairfax?

Thank you, Miss Cardew.

Sugar?

No, thank you. Sugar

is not fashionable anymore.

Cake or bread and butter?

Bread and butter, please.

Cake is rarely seen

in the best houses nowadays.

From the moment I saw you,

I distrusted you.

I felt that you were

false and deceitful.

It seems to me, Miss Fairfax...

that I am trespassing

on your valuable time.

No doubt,

you have many other calls...

of a similar character

to make in the neighbourhood.

Ernest.

-You're back so soon.

-My own love.

A moment, Ernest.

May I ask you--

are you engaged to be married

to this young lady?

What young lady?

Good heavens, Gwendolen.

Yes, to

"Good heavens, Gwendolen".

Of course not.

What put such an idea...

into your pretty little head?

Thank you. You may.

I felt there must be

some slight error, Miss Cardew.

The gentleman

who is now embracing you...

is my cousin

Mr. Algernon Moncrieff.

Algernon? Moncrieff?

-Yes.

Algy.

Here is Ernest.

Oh, my own Ernest.

Gwendolen, my darling.

I knew there must be some

misunderstanding. Miss Fairfax.

The man whose arm is

at present around your waist...

is my guardian

Mr. John Worthing.

I beg your pardon?

This is Uncle Jack.

Jack?

Are you called Algy?

I cannot deny it.

Is your name really John?

I could deny it if I liked.

I could deny anything

if I liked...

but it certainly is John.

It has been John for years.

A gross deception has been

practiced on both of us.

-My poor wounded Cecily.

-My sweet wronged Gwendolen.

Ohh.

You will call me sister,

will you not?

Of course.

Let us go

into the house, sister.

They will hardly venture

to come after us there.

No. Men are so cowardly,

aren't they?

How you can sit there

calmly eating muffins...

when we're in this horrible

trouble I can't make out.

You seem to me to be

perfectly heartless.

I can hardly eat muffins

in an agitated manner, can l?

The butter

would probably get on my cuffs.

I say, it's perfectly heartless

you're eating muffins at all...

under the circumstances.

When I'm in trouble,

eating is my only consolation.

Indeed, when I'm

in really great trouble...

as anyone who knows me

intimately will tell you...

I refuse everything

except food and drink.

At the present moment,

I am eating muffins...

because I am unhappy.

Besides, I am

particularly fond of muffins.

There's no reason why

you should eat them all...

in that greedy way.

Would you like some tea cake?

I don't like tea cake.

Good heavens!

I suppose a man...

may eat his own muffins

in his own garden.

They seem to be eating muffins.

But you just said

it was perfectly heartless...

to eat muffins.

I said it was

perfectly heartless...

of you

under the circumstances.

That is a very different thing.

Maybe, but the muffins

are the same.

No.

Give them to me!

Well, I certainly don't

rate your chances...

with my ward, Algernon.

Well, I don't think

there's much likelihood...

of you, Jack, and Miss Fairfax

being united, Jack!

But is there

any particular infant...

in whom you are interested,

Mr. Worthing?

The fact is, dear doctor...

I would like to be christened

myself.

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