The Impostors Page #4

but we have to go and get

the tools.

Ah.

Pass.

Pass.

Thank you.

- It's a new model.

- We don't need tools.

- Hmm.

- Hmm.

There it is. You see it?

- It's bad.

- It's very pulled.

We may have to be here

for a while.

I know you don't know

how these things work...

but they really shouldn't

be pulled like that.

No, they shouldn't.

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

Maybe...

Ooh!

Parlez-moi d'amour

Redites-moi des choses tendres

What is it with this ship?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Sit tight, sit tight.

What the hell is he doing?

I don't know. Doesn't matter.

Oh, my God, Maurice,

we have got to get out of here.

Jesus. Look at him.

He's coming over.

Take it easy.

Je veux encore

Ecouter ces mots que j'adore

Votre voix est si caressante

Que les murmures fremissants

Me bercent de sa belle histoire

Et malgre moi je veux y croire

Parlez-moi d'amour

Reditez-moi des choses tendres

Votre beau discours

Mon coeur n'est pas las

de I'entendre

Pourvu que toujours

Vous repetiez ces mots supremes

Je vous aime

ll est si doux

Mon cher tresor d'etre

un peu fou

La vie est parfois trop amere

Si I'on ne croit pas

aux chimeres

Le chagrin est vite agueri

ll faut consoler...

Du coeur on guerit la blessure

Par un sermen qui le rassure

Since my husband's demise...

my daughter is obsessed

with pain, loss, and death.

She finds them romantic.

We don't find death.

It finds us.

It's gonna find you in a minute.

Easy, easy, my dear,

with that valise.

It's hand-stitched leather.

Florentine.

It bears the tatters

of a Tuscan tryst.

- Another carcass.

- Can it, Em.

- Will that be all?

- Yes. Thank you, my dear.

I'd tip you,

but I'm clothing rich...

and cash poor at the moment.

See me at the end of the voyage.

Emily.

Though this is, perhaps,

our last voyage of this kind...

given the tremendous blow

to our finances.

You mean because Daddy...

Don't you dare to mention him!

That philanthropic cocksucker...

left all the money to the poor

and not a dirty dime to me!

Oh, Mary, Mother of God,

what have I ever done to you?

Life without money

is no goddamn life at all!

You know that!

As I was saying...

this unfortunate turn of events

notwithstanding...

I want our trip to the Continent

to be a happy and hopeful one...

so put a smile

on that lovely face...

and let's pray that this ship is

overflowing with men of means.

God almighty, it's them!

It's you!

Get them! Get them! Get them!

Faster!

Stop, please, please!

Ohh!

I don't know where they went.

Find those bastards! Find them!

Ohh.

Yes, this is Monsieur Lagasse...

in stateroom 10.

I would like two cognac.

Hennessy, s'il vous plait.

Merci.

Who is it?

C'est moi.

I wasn't followed.

No problem with the passport?

No problem at all.

Aces.

So how's the French thing going?

The accent?

Superb.

What?

Superb.

Oh.

So we're all set, Johnny?

Easy as pie.

You'll make Mrs. Essendine

fall in love with you?

Essendine's a goose

ready for cooking.

Gonna make her marry you

and put her dough in your names?

Piece of cake.

This lighter doesn't work.

Cheap boat.

And you'll knock her off,

and all that dough will be ours?

- Candy from a baby, babe.

- Oh, Johnny.

You do the same

with the sheik, Maxi.

I'll wreck that sheik

in two shakes.

- Then you'll slay him.

- In more ways than one.

That's my sweet cookie.

What are we gonna do

with all that cash?

What do you think, babe?

Take it on the lam and

scram to some far-off land...

and lead a life of bliss,

Johnny?

Regular bowl of cherries, babe.

- And you'll love me, Johnny?

- What?

- And you'll love me, Johnny?

- Like a bee loves honey.

- I'm so hungry, Johnny.

- Me, too.

Johnny, gobble me up.

Oh, Johnny.

Mmm, Johnny.

Touch me! Touch me!

Regina! Regina!

- Maxi!

- Oh!

Blow! Blow! Blow!

Oh! Oh!

- Blow!

- Oh!

- Blow!

- Whoa!

Blow! Please blow! Oh, God!

Oh, get on with it!

Just a touch...

Ow! God, you ox!

Be careful!

Anything happens

to this profile...

it's the death

of my film career!

You don't have a film career.

I'm too f***ing good

to have a film career!

Those upstarts...

who the hell do they

think they are, hmm?

Treating me like this,

an actor of my caliber!

Ow! Go on, leave it,

you f***ing useless bastard!

Have they found

those two boys yet?

No. I'll go do it...

Oh, God! Jesus!

The pain!

Get me to the infirmary!

Sir, I think you're fine.

Oh, f*** you.

I'm not fine, my lad.

I'm not fine. Just look

into my... Ow, God! Ow!

Help me! Help me!

You've blinded me!

Ohh!

- Maurice, listen!

- No... no...

- What?

- Shh!

There's a French couple.

They're not really French.

They're down there.

They're really from New York.

They're gonna kill a sheik

and a rich lady.

- You're kidding.

- No. We gotta do something.

- The first mate?

- Yeah?

He's from another country.

He's going to blow up the ship.

What?

When are the bombs

set to go off?

Midnight.

Oh, my God, we're gonna die!

- Shh!

- I don't want to die!

Listen,

your dream has come true.

You'll have

your great tragic death.

I don't want a real one!

Shh! Somebody's coming!

No, no, no, no.

Oh. Here we go.

Put this on. Put these on.

I want to see the doctor.

Sir, if I may say so...

Doctors...

I beg you... heal me.

I'm in your hands.

Help!

Heeelllp!

Oh, my God! The stowaways!

Please don't try anything.

I don't want to hurt you.

I mean, I could.

I may be supposed to...

but I never really could...

so let's just be

easy with each other.

You don't have

to worry about us, sir.

I just... I hate these things.

I just... I hate these things.

Aah!

Arthy?

Arthy.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

- Maurice?

- What?

Jesus!

Help me up.

Jee...

Oh!

It's all right. It's OK.

How? Wha...

Jeez, Arthur, I really...

I really thought that...

- Did you?

- Yes, I did.

- It worked?

- I think so.

Good. OK, Maurice, listen.

We gotta save the ship.

OK.

- Maurice?

- Yes, Arthy?

- We must be brave.

- I know.

We risk imprisonment

and even death.

- Death?

- Yes.

- Arthur?

- Yes, Maurice?

The time has come to act.

- I need my bag!

- Would you stop with the bag?

- You're on.

- I need my bag! Miss Leaky!

And now,

ladies and gentlemen...

the dulcet tones

of Mr. Happy Franks.

Shall we start the first number?

Yeah... The Nearness of You...

Isn't that a little...

What?

Slow?

- Do you know it?

- Sure.

- Then play it.

- OK.

It's not the pale moon

That excites me

That thrills

And delights me

Oh, no

It's just the nearness

Of you

When you're in my arms

And I feel you so close

To...

All my wildest dreams

Come true...

I need no soft lights

To enchant me

If you'll

Only grant me...

The...

Thank you, thank you,

Mr. Franks.

How about a warm hand

for Mr. Franks?

Play something upbeat.

Triple bourbon, please.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Ohh.

I know your pain.

You seem so sad, Captain.

I'm always a little sad.

But why?

You're the captain of

a big, beautiful ship.

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