The In-Laws Page #7

Hi, Steve.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing in that dress?

I won't be the bridesmaid anymore.

Do you understand?

No! No, not really. No.

"I taught you.

When you're ready, take the lead."

Well, I'm ready,

and I'm taking the lead.

I don't wanna end up like you, Steve.

No personal life...

...a family that hates you.

I choose happiness!

It's really a breakthrough for me.

Now, where's the money?

It's in a case in the warehouse.

The case in the warehouse is empty.

We want the money.

We?

Jesus Christ.

Oh, God.

What a lovely setting.

- I see your touch in the dcor, no?

- I worked with the designer a little.

Why, it's wonderful.

I was on my way here, excited about my

submarine, and then I realized something.

Do you want to know what it was

that I realized?

- Sure.

- I was more excited to see you.

- I cannot get you out of my mind.

- Okay.

I am attracted to you physically,

which for me is very strange...

...because I find homosexuality

disgusting!

This is a big subject.

And, you know, the wedding,

so I actually have to find my family.

I'll talk to you later.

- I have them.

- You what?

What are you doing in that?

Steven,

I see you have met my partner.

Yeah, you make a lovely couple.

- So where's Cherkasov?

- Dead.

What about Olga?

- Steven Tobias, you son of a b*tch!

- If we don't die, I'm gonna kill you, Dad!

- You suck!

- She's wearing my dress!

Quiet!

If I give you the money...

...will you leave everybody here

unharmed?

Of course.

Hi. Since we can't find the bride and the

groom, we're just gonna open up the bar.

So everybody have a cocktail!

That would've made a great gift.

Now get out.

Are you coming, sweet cobra?

- Daddy, this is weird.

- Where you going, Jerry?

I'm sorry, Katherine.

Can I talk to you alone for one second?

It's about us.

- We don't have time to dilly-dally.

- Pull around the boat.

What is it, darling?

What am I to you, exactly?

A plaything? Or a toy?

- No, no, no.

- Okay.

Let's do this the right way.

Jean-Pierre, I love you.

And I want you to be...

...my wife!

How's the plantar fasciitis now?!

Help!

Jean-Pierre, come on, we have to go.

I keep making myself vulnerable.

Focus on revenge.

Well, Steve...

...you have ruined this darling girl's

wedding.

- No, no. I'm okay.

- No, you're not!

You will carry the scar of this day

until you die.

All right, I guess I am kind of sad.

Judy, how is this helpful?

Would both of you please just stop it?!

Why don't you give me a break, huh?

I'll break your neck!

That's good, Marc.

Express your anger.

- You want a piece of me?

- You bet I do!

Here it goes!

Oh, my God!

What was that?

The one time my dad showed up

at cub Scouts...

...I earned a merit badge

in covert evasion techniques.

- What happened?

- We broke up.

What is that?

That, my friend, is Olga.

In Lake Michigan?

So much for homeland security.

I'm excited to go on a submarine.

What was your name again?

It's Angela.

Goodbye, Angela.

- What are you doing?

- Taking preventative measures.

To prevent what?

May be a torpedo heading towards

the wedding.

What?

- I'm gonna come with you.

- Sorry, buddy. It's a one-man job.

You drag me around the world

when I don't want to go.

The one time I want to, you say no?

It's my family too.

- I'm going. You can't stop me.

- Wow, Jer.

- Get on.

- On this?

Okay.

What is the plan?

The Juliett-class torpedo has

an acoustic guidance system.

It tracks whatever's making

the most noise.

So if he pulls the trigger,

we've gotta divert the torpedo.

Towards what?

Let me rephrase the question.

What does the torpedo wind up hitting?

- You said you wanted to help.

- Oh, my God.

That's before I knew the plan!

It's a terrible plan!

How are you doing?

You doing okay?

Yeah. You know,

I got a few questions, like...

...what the hell is happening?

My father is in the CIA.

He works deep undercover.

I've spent my life hiding that,

but that's the truth.

I dated a few skanky girls before I met you.

I don't really like being a lawyer.

Played with LEGOs until I was 17...

...and I go to a colorist because

I'm prematurely gray. It's a rinse.

Really?

I don't want to hide anything

from you anymore, because I don't care!

All I care about is you!

- Marc!

- What?

I love you.

What are we doing now?

Why are we turning?

Make noise!

Quiet! No noise!

Hi!

Wait, wait! I've got something...

...in my fanny pack!

Look!

- I'll never make a crack again!

- Yeah, because we'll be dead!

Hold on! Hold on!

I'm gonna throw up!

It's coming at us!

Could you stop that, please?

Touchy.

All in all, I'm glad I met you!

Me too, buddy! I mean it!

You're the real thing!

I'm sorry I called you the worst father

in the world! I really didn't mean it!

Thank you, Jer.

I'm sure there's at least two

or three guys that are worse!

That's so awesome!

Marc? Marc? Honey? Honey?

Honey, are you okay?

Baby, are you okay?

Yeah, but there's cake in my shorts.

Wait.

We're gonna go freshen up.

Are you guys all right?

Steve?

We just wanted to let you know this was

the worst wedding we have ever been to.

You should thank Jerry.

He put it all together.

Thanks for coming.

We gotta do something about this.

Come on.

I know you all got a lot of questions,

but listen up.

I am deep cover CIA,

case number 3924.

Peter Markell's my sole contact

at the agency.

All right. Well, we're gonna check that out.

You know, you almost blew my cover

a few times.

But I don't want an apology...

...because I think I got a way

that you can make it up.

And do you, Melissa, take Marc

to be your wedded husband...

...to have and to hold

from this day forward...

...for better or worse,

for richer or poorer...

...in sickness and in health,

till death do you part?

I do.

By the power vested in me

by the Federal Bureau of Investigation...

...I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Yeah.

- Mazel tov!

- Mazel tov.

You know how I run around

and try to save the world?

- Dad, it's okay.

- No, no. No.

What I want you to know

is, you are my world, Marc.

I'm so proud of you.

Congratulations.

I know we fought a lot,

but we must have done something right.

He's a great kid.

And you're a very good mother.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And I still hate you.

But I do have a room back

at the club.

I am so sorry about the wedding.

What are you talking about?

Daddy, don't you realize?

What?

This is exactly what I wanted.

Six people on a beach.

- Good.

- I love you.

Thank you.

I love you too.

Thanks.

Six people on a beach.

I could have saved a fortune!

Jer, you're gonna be fine.

As a matter of fact...

...the whole family,

they're gonna be just fine.

Cobra! Fat cobra!

It's all right, darling!

I forgive you!

Call me.

You know something?

He might actually like prison.

Like it?

He's gonna love it.

A little help would be nice!

Anybody?

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