The Infidel Page #8

If I wasn't such a schmuck

to that rabbi, if I had --

Forget it.

Besides...

This gives you

a big license to schmuck.

You could have used

a different tape.

I wanted him to get it

into the vcr right away.

Did you wipe

the porn off?

F*** no.

I wanted him to die happy.

Look what he wrote on it.

He remembered it, then --

your name.

Well, that's --

that's something.

[ sighs ]

My life's still shot,

though, isn't it?

My family's left me.

My workmates hate me.

My son loves this girl

that he can't marry

'cause I'm

a big jewish twat.

Why can't they

just get married anyway?

I mean, who cares

what this taliban moron says?

Now, look,

'cause however modern uzma is,

However many

facebook friends she gets,

However many brazilians she,

you know...

...She just would never,

ever shame her family.

That's what it's like

being a f***ing paki.

A minute ago,

you were a big jewish twat.

I know, I know.

[ women chanting ]

Reporter:
Tonight,

on a channel 100 special,

We ask the question,

Islamic clerics,

such as arshad al-masri --

Are they working for the good

of their country,

Or are they dangerous fanatics

Driven by a desire to destroy

our way of life?

Hey.

So, uh...

What are you doing?

Running.

Are you, uh...

Are you going

to al-masri's lecture?

Well,

isn't uzma gonna be there?

Do you know

how she's doing?

Well, she's obviously

really happy

That because her mum

is now too frightened

To leave muhammad

al-f***ing-stalin,

She will have to go

with them to waziristan,

Where the women of her age

legally have to wear a muzzle

If they've still got

a clitoris.

Okay, listen.

I'm going to this event,

okay?

I'm gonna stand up,

and I'm gonna take arshad on.

What?

Yeah.

I've done some reading.

I've read the qur'an.

I've read the old testament.

I think --

are you mental?

He knows

this stuff backwards.

Do you really want to make

a complete twat of yourself

In front

of the whole community again?

Yeah, but, son,

It's -- it's not exactly

the whole community, is it?

Oh, oh, it is.

Since your little moment

on tv,

It's not just

the wahhabi nutters

Who want to see arshad.

No, no, no!

Everyone's interested!

Oh.

Dad, please.

Open your eyes.

Son, son.

[ sighs ]

My eyes.

They're starting about now --

the lecture.

Mum, forget it.

You know, muna's gone.

Well, that's --

that's up to her.

But, rashid --

mum, we're not going.

Remember what he's done.

Look not at what a man has done,

but what he hopes to do.

Who taught you that,

nabi?

Daddy.

Arshad:
If that means

refusing, speaking out against,

Even tearing down

those aspects of western culture

Which disgust and dismay

the true believer,

So be it.

[ applause ]

Thank you.

Thank you very much, my brothers

and sisters, of course.

Now, any questions?

Yes?

Brother arshad,

How can we support

your cause?

Well, by listening and acting

on my words.

But also, if you wish, there are

donations that can be made.

Details are available

at the door.

Yes, brother?

Tell us also, brother,

How come you are

so remarkably good...

Mum, I'm gonna go and --

wait, wait.

Have you seen uzma?

Rashid,

look over there.

Where?

That is very kind of you

to say, brother.

Well, I have the advantage,

of course, of coming

From a long and eminent line

of great islamic preachers.

But who knows

if I do them justice?

[ applause ]

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

So, if there are

no further questions...

Yes, holy sister?

[ high-pitched voice ]

question for brother arshad.

Is it possible that you,

being such a fantastic speaker,

There's something

you've forgotten...

Which is...

[ crowd murmuring ]

You're stretched it really badly

now, you big knobhead.

[ normal voice ]

let me ask you this.

Why won't you let my son

marry your stepdaughter?

Well, well,

if it isn't "mahmud nasir."

[ laughter ]

Answer the question.

Mum, what is he doing?

The holy qur'an

al-baqarah ayah 221 --

Do not marry your girls

to unbelievers.

[ applause ]

Until they believe.

I beg your pardon?

Well, that's how

the ayah continues.

An islamic woman can marry

any man who believes in allah.

And my son

believes in allah.

And how can I

believe in the son

When I cannot believe

in the father, hmm?

Oh. Welcome.

No, no, no, no. Don't --

don't get up on the stage.

[ laughter ]

A bit harder.

[ laughs ]

And what are you today,

brother?

What is the...

[ speaks indistinctly ]

[ laughter ]

I am a muslim.

[ speaking arabic ]

Well, well, well, well.

Saying our holy words.

At-taghabun ayah 73 --

Strive hard

against the unbeliever.

I believe my shahada,

Because it's

my lord's prayer.

And you know what else

I learned recently?

The jews have

their own lord's prayer.

You know what it's called?

The shema.

What is he talking about?

Do you know what moses called

god in the original hebrew?

Elah --

allah, elah --

Because it's the same god.

Very, very good,

mahmud.

You've learned some

of the qur'an by heart.

[ chuckles ]

mazel tov.

So, maybe you tell us,

mahmud,

Before all this

delicate business

About your parentage

happened,

How often did you go

to the mosque?

Five times a day

I'll assume, surely.

Well...

No?

[ laughter ]

Oh, dear.

Devotion at home, then?

I'll bet if you got

your prayer mat out now,

It would have two big holes

in it from so much kneeling.

Yeah.

[ laughter ]

Not that, either?

Tsk, tsk.

At least, I assume

You kept yourself free

of all pollution.

You're able to admit,

aren't you,

With your hand

on the holy qur'an,

That alcohol

has never passed your lips.

Hmm.

Okay, okay, my son.

I think you

better step down now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can also add

to that list.

I've lied...

To the people

I love the most.

I've been a poor father.

Been trying so hard to find

myself that I forgot myself.

I forgot who I am,

Which is

a husband and a father.

And, yes, I have not been

the muslim I should have been.

But who here has?

Who here has,

except for arshad al-masri?

And what is your name,

solly?

My name is mahmud nasir.

And for once, yes,

for a very short period,

It was

solly shimshileewitz.

And of that,

I am no longer ashamed.

[ crowd murmuring ]

A good man,

a good muslim,

Should not just never lie

about who he is,

He should also

never lie about who he was.

Oh, and,

by the way, arshad,

"strive hard

against the unbelievers" --

It's al-tawbah ayah 73.

Here's the thing

about our clerics.

Some of them really do teach us

about the holy qur'an.

And that's fantastic.

Some of them are out there,

Protecting our oppressed

brothers and sisters.

And some of them...

[ scoffs ]

...Are beardy, weirdy f***ers

who make sh*t up!

[ cheers and applause ]

Now, listen, you.

I don't care about all

your stupid arguments.

Get off of my stage!

Your son will never marry

my stepdaughter!

Oh, what's that?

What?

What's that in your eye,

that little spasm there?

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