The Interestings

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1

[folk on stereo]

I learned the truth at seventeen

That love was meant

- [females arguing]

- Turn it off!

What are you, the f***ing music czar?

Okay, language, Ellen!

Please, this song can not

be playing when we drive up.

What is wrong with it?

Ellen, I'm begging you. It's

like announcing you're a loser.

Oh, great. Then you'll fit

right in with the other weirdos.

I don't get what you're doing at

this creative arts camp anyway.

Aren't you supposed to

have some sort of talent?

I thought she was a hoot

in "Bye, Bye, Birdie."

She played the mayor's wife.

She had no lines.

All she had to do was

faint and spread her legs.

I thought she was very inventive.

Please! The only reason

Miss Liebman recommended her

for this stupid scholarship is 'cause

she felt sorry for her that Daddy died.

Hey! F*** you, Ellen!

At least I'm not working at Carvel,

hanging out at the mall,

and stealing lip gloss.

Enough, both of you! Put that down!

Turn it off, Ellen. Enough!

Your sister is trying something new.

Besides, after the year we've had,

someone in this family

should have a little fun.

Welcome, campers. If you

haven't checked in yet.

Please report to the dining room.

- Hey!

- Wow!

What a freak show.

You can still sign up

for tonight's talent show.

Sign-ups are in the dance studio,

and each performer is

limited to 10 minutes.

Ooh, check out Paddington Bear at 10:00.

There's your hot summer romance.

- Shut up.

- Ellen!

Help your sister schlep the

duffel bag up to her wigwam.

Teepee, and I don't need any help.

Maybe you can ask that strong

boy over there to help you.

Oh, yeah, Julie, why don't you

go over and ask that strong boy?

Hi. Need a hand?

- No, thanks. I can do it.

- Cool.

- Ethan!

- My name's Ethan Figman.

If you need anything,

I'm at your service.

Listen, Mom, it's five

hours to Underhill,

and you'll have to stop for lunch.

She wants us to go, Mom.

Okay.

- Have fun.

- Thanks.

- I love you.

- I love you too, Mom.

First time away from home.

You'll adjust. It just takes time.

- Mom?

- I got this.

- Mom!

- [door closes]

[engine starts]

Don't you feel it growin'

Day by day

People gettin' ready for the news

Some are happy

Some are sad

Oh, we got to let the music play

You think Goodman Wolf

would let me sculpt him?

I mean, naked?

This guy on the swim team

said his dick is so big

they nicknamed it Excalibur.

You know, like Sword and the Stone?

Thank you, Sandy, now I will

never be able to listen to Camelot

without imagining King Arthur

pulling his penis out of a rock.

It's not like they think

they're better than everyone.

They just sort of are, you know?

You make them sound like

they're royalty or something.

Well, they are, sort of.

Everybody comes here with big dreams,

thinking they've got some great talent,

until Ash Wolf blows them away onstage,

or they hear one of Jonah Dey's songs,

which are twice as good as his mother's.

- Corinna Dey is his mother?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

He's gonna be twice as huge.

And Cathy Kiplinger?

She's been dancing since she was three.

Deep down, everyone knows those guys

are the only ones that

are really gonna do it.

And not just as a hobby or

for a summer, but for life.

Hmm, what smells so nice?

Um, it's Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific.

Too bad it looks like a Brillo pad.

- Oh, come on.

- It's perfect for removing rust,

stripping paint, scouring pots.

- You're funny.

- It's the hair.

I get it from a clown.

- I'm Ash Wolf.

- Oh, I know.

I mean, I'm Julie Jacobson.

- I know.

- You do?

We're in the same improv class.

You were hysterical in

that elevator exercise.

When you fainted, and

your legs spread wide open.

- I nearly peed myself laughing.

- Thanks.

It just came to me.

Listen, if you're not

doing anything later,

a few of us are getting together,

and maybe you'd like to join us.

Um... Yeah.

- Sure. Cool.

- Great.

After lights out, my

brother's tent, Teepee 3.

It's the one that reeks of weed.

See you there.

[chuckling]

I'm not even that stoned yet.

Goodman, leave it alone.

"The Tin Drum" is a

literary masterpiece.

"House of Incest" is female porn!

It's feminist surrealism!

Where did you hear that? From

your fancy English teacher

with the Harvard PhD?

Gnter Grass is basically God.

I think Anas Nin is God.

- Anas Nin?

- Yes.

She's so full of pretentious girly sh*t.

She's literally one of the

worst writers to ever live.

Anas Nin and Gnter

Grass both have umlauts.

Maybe that's the key to their success.

I'm thinking of getting one for myself.

Increase the velocity,

the natives are restless.

Voila. Cannabis Perfectus.

What are you doing reading

Anas Nin anyway, Goodman?

- Um, Ash made me.

- Mm-hmm.

And I do everything

that my sister tells me.

Maybe Ash is God.

Ash... Ash is definitely not God.

All right, she's way too

much of a perfectionist.

She'd never let a mistake

like Dick Nixon go unchecked.

Boy:
I wish.

The thing is, he's just such

a bad actor. He's so obvious.

Why don't people see when

they're being lied to?

Because they don't wanna see.

- Just look at My Lai.

- You sound like your mother.

- F*** you, Goodman.

- Yeah.

At least Corinna uses her music

to tell the truth to the world.

That's what art is for.

Right?

That's what "Spirit in

the Woods" is all about,

using your talent to tell

the truth to the world.

Gosh, Ash, maybe you are God.

- No, don't!

- Maybe you are God, Ash.

- Ooh!

- You're not ticklish anymore?

- Stop!

- I don't know.

I just dance because I love it.

I've never really wanted

to do anything else...

except I'm probably f***ed

because of these sacks of mail.

I doubt your bodacious ta-tas

are gonna stand in your way.

It's not funny, Goodman.

How many ballerinas do

you know with big tits?

- Hey, calm down.

- What am I supposed to do?

Quit?

No, nothing should stand in our way.

We should try to do

whatever we want to in life.

What is the point otherwise?

All right.

So, Jonah, have you given any

thought to a future career?

- [laughter]

- [gasps]

There's a girl in our

cousin's school in Pennsylvania

- named Crema Semens.

- No.

- You made that up.

- No, she didn't.

Ash never lies. It's one of the

most irritating things about her.

- Crema Semens?

- Yes.

It's like... it's, like, a soup

made from various strains of semen.

A medley of semen.

Ew, Ethan, you're being totally graphic.

Well, he is a graphic artist.

Hey, show her some Planet Figman.

This is Wally Figman

and his horrible parents

before his mother runs

off with his pediatrician.

Any similarities between

Wally's life and my own

- are purely intentional.

- [chuckles]

- The world according to Ethan Figman.

- Can I see?

[blues guitar]

Which one's that?

I haven't seen that one.

I think we should all

observe a moment of silence

for Crema Semens.

Well, the girl from Long Island speaks.

- Hey!

- You're being elitist.

Jacobson knows that I'm kidding.

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