The Internship Page #2

up and let people down.

Billy, I love you, but I'm

tired of being let down.

That's terrible, Nicky.

Are you okay?

I should have gone on my own

when I had the chance. Stupid!

You did the right thing. Got

a paycheck, played it smart.

Dad would have been proud.

Proud of what? I didn't play it smart.

I played it safe.

Look where I am now. Proud?

At your nephew's Little League game.

Cheer up!

Come on.

All right, Tate!

Here we go, Tate! Put

some wood on it!

He's a great kid.

I keep telling you you'd

be a terrific father.

Yep, you do keep

telling me that.

Unfortunately, it would require

having a relationship lasting longer

than three months.

I'm not sure it

would require that.

Let me call Kevin.

I'm sure your

boyfriend's great,

but I don't want to

work for someone...

...who spent all

last Thanksgiving

explaining the meaning

of his tattoo.

Be reasonable, Nicky.

Take the job.

What else are you going to do?

That's it. Just take

the walk, Eagle Eye.

Walk's as good as

a hit, come on.

What is this guy saying?

Bullshit.

Nick. Nick! Walk's not

as good as a hit.

It's not as good as a

double or a triple.

It's not as good as a dinger.

Go on, take a big cut, Tate.

Nick!

Get off the field.

What are you doing?

You're calling him Eagle Eye

to get him not to swing?

Come on, he's 12 years old.

He's got the rest of his

life to take a walk.

How about you take a walk, pal?

And get off my field!

Just stop calling him

Eagle Eye, okay?

Oh, I'm gonna call

him Eagle Eye.

Oh, no, you're not. Yes, I am.

You're Eagle Eye.

Want a piece of me?

- Go ahead, Tate. Swing!

- Let him go.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Play ball. Come on, Tate.

Swing big!

Read "Moneyball," a**hole.

Walks are as good as hits.

Just when you think your day

couldn't get any worse,

it got worse.

I feel like my day

bent me over,

put a ball in my mouth

and f***ed me bad.

Is it just me, or does life look

a lot like those hillbillies

from "Deliverance" now?

It's got me over

by the tree there,

just told me I had

a pretty mouth.

You over, squealing like

a pig on all fours.

I'm looking, where's Burt

Reynolds with the crossbow?

He's not coming.

We're there. It's

gonna happen.

You're gonna get raped.

You know what it is?

I feel like life's

inside of me.

Just working, just pushing.

Just going all after it.

And all of a sudden,

life pulls out.

But he's gonna scurry

up the pillow.

Boom, just explodes right

in my f***ing mouth.

How are you?

Hey. Hey, cute kid.

How old is she?

She's a boy. Okay.

Still very attractive.

Without pink or Blue,

it's hard to tell,

but the features are great,

maybe put him in some modeling.

That's what they're going for,

that right-down -the-middle thing.

How many different ways do

we have to say, "I give up"?

Say "Uncle," Say "Mercy," before

life stops whaling away on us.

I mean, we are getting pounded.

I feel like our whole

generation of sheep

has been sold a bad

bill of goods.

We were told, "Go to

college, get good grades."

Wait, you didn't go to college.

I'm saying in

theory, in concept,

our generation was told

that you go to college,

you get a job, you

get a mortgage,

and here we did everything the way we

were supposed to, and what do we get?

Where's our thanks? Nothing.

I'm gonna call Kevin

about that job.

Kevin? Thanksgiving tattoo?

We're not that

low, are we, Nick?

Show me one little

something here.

What are you going

to do, Billy?

There he is! Nickrophiliac!

Hey.

How you been? Good.

Just working away.

I see that.

Don't slag off on the corners.

They are so important.

People track sh*t in

here all the time.

And I mean literally dog sh*t.

Jesus!

I should have worn gloves.

Huh?

I said I should

have worn gloves.

They won't help.

You don't want protector duty?

'Cause I can put you out at the

curb, twirling the big arrow.

Hot sun beating down on you?

I've lost three guys

to skin cancer!

We call that curb

"the widowmaker."

I don't want to go out

to the widowmaker.

How would you fare out there,

with that alabaster skin?

I don't know.

I'll tell you. You'd

be dead in a year.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jeggings.

Jeggings, five o'clock.

Where? Right there.

I'd like to play around in that

rumpus room, you know what I mean?

Have you done the back door yet?

What?

Back door? Back door action?

"Knock-knock. It's me."

"With my penis."

A life changer. It

is a life changer!

You VIP your way into

that back alley,

you'll never think about

the main entrance anymore.

You know what I mean

by the main entrance?

We're talking dick

into the vagina.

This is an awkward

conversation.

Why? Because you're

dating my sister!

Oh! Yeah. Well, don't think we didn't

go through a period of adjustment.

Adjustment?

Can you gentlemen help me?

Yes. Nick is one of our best.

In fact, his entire family knows

their way around a mattress.

Get it!

My question is about memory

foam versus standard...

...specifically as it

relates to lumbar support.

What?

Lumbar support.

Great choice of mattress. Why

don't you lie down there?

Let's work our way through this

conundrum. What I think

you're asking...

Billy, I'm with a customer.

Maybe start off on this.

Yeah, just lie down.

Come here for a second.

What are you doing here?

I've seen the future and

it is beautiful for us!

I don't know what you got, but I got

a job and I don't want to lose it.

Can we discuss this later?

No. The future

doesn't know later.

What? All the

future is is later.

That's literally what the future is.

What are you talking about?

Google.

The place is amazing.

They have nap pods,

massage rooms, a

volleyball court.

It's ranked as the greatest

place to work at in America!

It's a technology company... a

field we know Jack squat about.

Look, Google needs us.

And Google wants us.

They do? You sweet son of a b*tch!

You got us jobs at Google?!

Well, it's not actually a job.

What do you mean?

Oh, it's an interview for

an internship that has

a better-than-not chance of

materializing into a job.

Now you are making

me very angry!

You want me to leave my job...

...to go for an interview,

not for a job, but for

an internship that may or

may not lead to a job?

Aren't you tired of asking

for just enough to get by?

Yes. I want to do something...

...that matters. I

want to have a life

I'm excited about

and that's great.

Nick, I want us to

go to California.

And I want us to get

these jobs at Google.

I'm going to speak

to a manager.

Terrific! He's

right over there.

Let's roll over

onto the stomach.

He'll be very helpful.

What we're going to

do is get a little

support for the hips. Imagine

a pillow right there.

Then we separate the feet.

Create a little heat dispersion.

Excuse me!

Is there something I

can help you with?!

What?!

I'm trying to buy a mattress.

Unbelievable!

Our interview's in one hour. This

might be the last chance we got.

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