The Internship Page #3

How's it going, Gossip Girls?

C.W. just called.

You're canceled.

Excuse me?

You're peddling him a

bunch of crap, just like

the crap merchandise

you two used to shill.

So listen up, Marfan Syndrome.

What? Marfanism.

Big man's disease. The

giant killer. You.

We're the same height.

We are not the same height.

I'm handsome tall.

You're the type of tall where,

you walk through the airport...

people stop eating

and look at you.

You're a freak. Nick, you

have a customer waiting.

Nick, we have our

future waiting.

Nick, you know what that says?

No, I don't read Sanskrit.

"Make reasonable choices."

That's an odd thing to get

tattooed on your neck.

Just get back to work!

God! I'm sorry you had

to see that, ma'am.

Now let's get back to you

and pelvic ventilation.

Kevin!

You've been saying insulting

things to me all day.

What are you doing?

Taking the shirt off.

I don't know what happens

to a dream deferred.

Does it dry up, like

a raisin in the sun?

Or does it explode? I

don't want to find out.

You just made the worst

mistake of your life.

Hey, hey! You take the shirt

off, it doesn't go back on.

There's not a second chance!

I'll see you in hell!

We're meeting the

interviewer in here?

No, not in here.

We're meeting him in here.

It's a Hangout.

People do interviews

on the Internet.

I like it. Now it

says here that the...

...internship is only

for college students.

Way ahead of you. I enrolled us

at the University of Phoenix.

That proud online institution.

Go Fighting Phoenixes!

Wait... you put my

major down as physics?

Why? I don't know sh*t about physics.

Physics scares me.

These guys paint the

corner of the plate.

They won't go down the middle

and ask about physics.

Too obvious. I took

it off the table.

Good. Hide in plain sight.

But you put down

sales as your major?

Because I'm a talker. I

figure I should dazzle.

I thought about this... hide

your vacancy and let me dazzle.

Are you done? There's

a 15-minute limit.

Sorry... the big boys need the

computer a little longer.

But we can make this a win-win for you...

go get a soda.

Put some sugar in your body.

Enjoy it.

Cute kid.

Here they are. When I hit this,

they'll be able to see us.

Get in close so

they can see us.

The webcam's small. Come here.

Don't crowd me.

Get cheek to cheek. I get you.

They can't see us.

I understand that.

Put your f***ing cheek next to mine!

I get it!

We can see you guys!

Okay, great! Hi!

My name is Billy!

We can hear you fine as well.

Oh, great. Good.

Billy McMahon. Nick Campbell.

I'm Benjamin. Allison.

We're thirsty, too.

Slow down, camper. I'm not an ATM.

I have a job interview here.

We'll be back.

Are you in a library?

We are. Some beautiful

little kids here.

A program we're involved in.

We take suburban kids

and teach them what it's

like to be homeless.

What's it called?

It's called, uh...

Attitude Adjustment.

We're helping the kids.

We did our interview here so

we could help out, and also

we don't have webcams

on our computer.

If you don't have

a webcam on your

computer, how do you do coding?

Coding?

Under "computer

skills", you put "C++".

That's actually a C+.

The second plus reflects my attitude

of how I felt about the C+.

It was a typing class. Same

principle, just no engine

in the baby. More like

"quick brown fox".

Put your hands in the basin.

But that helped me when I

started my journey into

computers, because I knew

where to put my hands.

Okay, let's focus on this...

you're currently

enrolled at the University

of Phoenix online?

Yes, we are.

Damn right we are.

It's the oldest

institution of its kind.

Many people refer to it as the

Harvard of Internet colleges.

Oh! I hadn't heard that.

No, that has not

made it out here.

That reputation.

Well, we're Phoenix proud.

That's fine. We're going

to ask you some questions

some of our candidates

find a bit odd.

Let's get weird! No judgment.

Shoot.

You're shrunken down to the size of

nickels and dropped into a blender.

What do you do?

Is anything else

in the blender?

Uh, I don't know.

It makes a difference. Are there ice cubes?

Is this a daiquiri?

Is there rum? Is

it a smoothie?

It's been a long week... maybe these

little guys want to live a little.

Okay, let's say it's empty.

In that case, it's easy.

Why?

If we're nickel-size and the

blender's empty, we go on our backs.

Flat, like this.

Enjoy that breeze.

Stiff as a board,

light as a feather.

Like it's a fan.

Let the wind whip.

Like getting an MRI.

Once the blender's

on, it's on forever.

Forever.

Respectfully, I have to disagree.

We sold blenders...

...and even the best model

only runs non-stop for, what?

Even the Germans...

Yeah, even a Braun will only run

non-stop for 10 or 11 hours.

So we'll get out and when

we do, we're better off,

because what doesn't kill

you makes you stronger.

I'd like to big-picture

this for a second.

Just like the founders of Google.

Big-picture Googling.

It's not so much getting

out of the blender...

...as what happens next.

That's the question.

Two nickel-sized men free in the world.

Think of the possibilities.

Off the top of my head...

My head's swimming.

Sunglass repair?

Those little screws.

Put us in those

submarines they put

in people's bodies

to fight diseases.

That's cutting edge.

Okay, that's not real,

the submarines.

Wait... we were stuck in a blender,

now we're saving lives. What?!

What?

What? What?

I'll recap. We started in a

blender, now we're saving lives!

What?!

What?

Wait a minute! We were stuck in a

blender and now we're saving lives?!

You guys led us to this.

Thank you.

I think we've gotten

a little far afield.

A little off-topic.

I'll get inside you and

I'll fight for you.

Thank you.

Which one of you is physics?

Mr. Campbell? Maybe you could expound

on this from a physics aspect.

Physics.

Listen, I could bend your

ear about physics...

...and physical phenomena, but the

truth is, we were in a blender.

We'd lost our jobs,

and we'd given up.

So we already answered the question

when we took this interview.

We got ourselves out,

and here we are.

If you really want

to know what happens

when you take two guys

out of a blender...

I'm sorry, Allison, is it?

Then give us a shot. I think

you'll be happy you did.

Who is our next applicant?

Ah, our two daiquiri men.

So what do we think? Dana?

- You're kidding, right?

- No.

Eleanor?

Hmm. They seem like really nice

guys, but I don't think so.

Okay! Moving on.

Can I say something?

You can. We will

resent you for wasting

our time, but don't

let that stop you.

It's just... diversity

is in our DNA, right?

I thought the goal

was to find people

with a different

way of thinking.

That doesn't mean we

have to hire them.

Very good point, Dana.

Moving on!

You read their resumes, right?

They have more years...

...of sales and life

experience than

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