The Internship Page #4

the age of most of our interns.

Plus, our final judgment is

always based on the Layover Test.

Who would you rather sit with at

an airport bar for a 6-hour delay?

The ten millionth kid

who knows if you

shrink your strength-to-weight

ratio you can jump higher? Duh.

Or the out-of-the-box

thinkers who turned

being stuck in a blender

into an advantage.

Tell me how you feel

What's your fantasy?

I see you on the beach

down in Mexico.

You can put your feet

up Be my seorita.

We ain't gotta rush

Just take it slow.

You'll be in the high life

Soaking up the sunlight.

Anything you want is yours.

I heard you're living

life like you should.

You say you never

had it so good.

So it begins. Here we go.

This place is incredible.

Where do we check in?

Let's ask somebody.

Oh, excuse me! I'm

sorry, excuse me...

Billy?

It's scary because it's new.

Let's check in. Head towards

those big, big letters.

What's up, family?

Tell me how you feel

What's your fantasy?

I see you on the beach

down in Mexico.

You can put your feet

up Be my seorita.

We ain't gotta rush

Just take it slow.

You'll be in the high life

Soaking up the sunlight.

Anything you want is yours.

Name?

You say you never

had it so good.

You never had it so good.

You never had it so good.

Picture the greatest amusement

park you ever went to as a kid.

Now imagine a place nothing like

it and a million times better.

That's where we are.

I'll grab us a coffee.

You check us in.

Good morning.

What's the damage here?

Nothing.

For these? Free.

They're complimentary?

Complimentary. Free.

Whatever you want.

You're saying whatever

I walk away with...

It's free.

Have bananas.

I probably should. This is the

most important meal of the day.

Take two, they're free.

For my day, I need it.

What about the

bagels and all that?

Free. Anything you want.

If you're insisting,

I'll have a couple.

Like four. Just

whatever it is.

What about five? Free, too.

Make it seven, then.

And if you want to whip

up some other drinks.

Do you have a to go

cup, like a Guzzler?

Excuse me.

Do you know what

launch this was from?

Sorry, I have a meeting.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't

want to hold you. I just...

I was just curious. Was this

thing actually in space?

If there were only a

webpage you could go to.

Where we could just type things

in and search for answers.

Ah, yes, that would be nice.

Nick Campbell. Intern.

Dana Simms. Late.

Me, too. Have to rush off.

And it's SpaceShipOne. First

private manned spaceflight.

Winner of the X Prize.

Are those your Dads?

Same-sex partners make excellent parents.

I so wish my parents were gay.

When did twenty start

to look like twelve?

Oh, man.

Of course I'll work my hardest.

Mom, how can I work harder than my hardest?

That's impossible.

Okay, okay, I will.

Yes, I love you.

Mom?

Billy McMahon. Billy McMahon.

How are you?

Oh, I'm going to

grab some food.

I'm good.

You all right alone?

This stuff looks good, huh?

Little pick-me-up.

Graham Hawtrey.

I'm so thrilled to be here.

Oh, me, too.

Feels kind of like

the first day of

spring training for

Little League.

I think I have a few more clicks

on the odometer than you kids.

That's why I came over.

I said to myself,

"That man has life experience.

He can teach you a lot."

You have to meet my friend, Nick.

Nicky!

Nickelodeon! Come here!

Meet Graham. He's in the

internship program with us.

You're interns?

Shut up! Deal with it.

Shut the f*** up!

Deal with it.

But you're so old.

Oh. Excuse me?

I feel terrible! I

feel so stupid.

I feel terrible. For what?

I just, you know... I thought

you were important. Oh, sh*t.

I have to find some people who

actually matter. Good luck!

Why did you bring me

over to meet that guy,

like he was your best friend?

You introduced me to Hitler.

He seemed sweet at first.

My name is Roger Chetty. I am head

of the Google Intern Program.

Welcome to Google.

This will not be your

average internship. Oh, no.

You will do what we do.

And we will watch

how well you do it.

You represent the

finest schools.

Your intelligence and

achievement is well noted...

...but to excel at

this internship,

you're going to need far

more than brain power.

What you're going to need...

Nothing funny. Googliness.

The intangible stuff that

made a search engine...

...into an engine for change.

Now, you will be

divided into teams...

...and by the end of the

summer only one team...

...will be guaranteed a full-time position.

The other...

...95% of you... will not.

You've been split up

into several seminars

to acquaint you with our

campus and culture.

Descriptions have

been emailed to you.

I would wish you luck, but

it's not luck that you need.

Get to work!

This ain't gonna be about getting

coffee and running errands.

It's a mental Hunger

Games against

a bunch of genius kids

for a handful of jobs.

So we nail it. This is

our opening statement.

If it please the court.

Oh, it pleases the

court, counselor.

Workplace Seminar.

A few seats left.

First impression time.

Bingo!

We can do good here.

Shazam! So close

yet so far, boys.

Whoa! Graham, we

were here first.

You're right. You guys could

use the advantage. Go ahead.

What does that mean?

It means that in a

world of excellence,

old and unexceptional

qualifies as diversity.

So go ahead. What's

that saying?

"Age before beauty"?

Thank you.

You're welcome, William!

There's always

some joker who likes

to play fuckaround.

I guess that's you, Graham.

At least we know. Game on.

Good luck, boys.

Google is not a

conventional workplace.

Having said that,

we have rules.

I will ask you a

series of questions.

You will raise the green

paddle to indicate yes...

...and the red paddle

to indicate no.

So, let's begin.

"Having a beer

with your boss."

Some of you are under 21.

Some of us aren't, so

if you want to grab

a cold one with me,

I'd be happy to.

I will not "grab a

cold one" with you.

You get high?

I don't get high.

I'm not judging. Just saying.

People do it.

If you want something cold

to drink, we'll hook you up.

Okay. Thank you. Just

stop talking to me.

I'm your Bill Holden

in "Stalag 17".

I really don't get

that reference.

Google it. Got it.

"Dating a fellow intern."

This is Google, not Match.com.

What about a

full-time employee?

Say, management level but

not a direct supervisor.

Great eyes, and a...

...severity to her look

that is surprisingly sexy.

What's the policy on that?

That's frowned upon also?

So we say no to love?

Say no to love.

That's a no.

"Taking food home

from the office."

Boom. That's a yes.

Are you having difficulty

with this, Mr. McMahon?

Just to drill down on

this, what if it's a

perishable? Like pudding

that was left out?

You'd like to take

home pudding?

I wouldn't mind it.

Oh, yeah.

If it's going to go bad, is

it okay to take it home?

Mmm-hmm. Anything else

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