The Internship Page #5

you'd like to take home?

Well, salsa or chips.

Something not wrapped.

Salsa, chips and pudding.

Sushi.

Salsa, chips,

pudding and Sushi.

Anything else? Ice cream.

Salsa, chips, pudding,

Sushi and ice cream.

Pizza?

Salsa, chips, pudding,

Sushi, ice cream and pizza.

Not a frozen pizza. But if

there was a nice pie out...?

I am truly impressed,

Mr. McMahon.

Thank you.

At the both of you.

At how quickly you have

confirmed my doubts about you.

Now, let's try this

one more time.

"Taking food home...

from the office."

Very good.

Ladies and gentlemen,

that is all!

I'm not going to dress it up...

today didn't go well.

It certainly wasn't the

first impression we wanted.

But here's the deal.

Tomorrow is the pick

teams day, right?

It's important for us to

fall in with a strong team.

If we can surround

ourselves with the right

group of geniuses, we

still got a shot here.

Nicky...

...we can coattail this b*tch.

You're right! And there's

no shame in that.

No shame in being the 12th man

at the end of the bench...

...who never gets in the game

but has a lot of enthusiasm.

He waves the towel, doles out

high fives during timeouts.

Because I'll tell you

about that guy...

when the team wins the championship,

he still gets a ring.

Damn right he does.

So we have to be that awkward

seven-footer from Lithuania.

I love your spirit. And I

love you like a brother...

...but I can't have those cold clams

brushing up against me in bed.

Keeping me up. Suit yourself.

I'll take the bed tomorrow.

Can you hit that

light, Pocahontas?

Tomorrow's a new day.

Welcome to day two! I am Sid.

Eight-year Googler. You

guys are new Googlers.

Thus, you are Nooglers!

Now, this place is all

about community...

...and collaboration, so you'll

be working in teams from now on.

You have five minutes.

Pick your teams.

You, on me.

Oh! Be picky, okay.

Play hard to get.

Don't be desperate, just be cool.

This is everything!

Are you looking for someone?

College, major, SAT score.

Harvard, computer

science, 2390.

Fine. On me, fatface.

My name's Zach.

You. University of...

No.

Hello, Stanford!

You're coming with me.

University of Phoenix online...

sort of the Harvard of the west.

Why don't we all be a team?

Why don't we all be a team?

Why don't we all be a team?

Please don't touch me.

You're touching me!

Blondie, you're with me on account

of your physical appearance.

Does anyone want to

be on a team with me?

Super fun! Really smart,

but also very fun.

I was voted Most Likely to

Succeed in my chess club.

Um... Mr. Chetty? I

don't have a group.

You'll mentor the leftovers.

Which it would seem includes

your two charity cases.

Off you go.

Yo, Billy and Nick!

There they are!

I'm Lyle, one of the team managers.

Pound me.

Just putting the fist out without

words is all that's necessary.

Come on, bro, fist me.

That's definitely not right.

You're a manager?

How old are you?

I'm 23. But no worries,

fellas, I'm an old soul.

Well, the thing about that

is, we don't have a team.

We have two... me and Nick. We

don't have the rest of our team.

We didn't...

Correction. You didn't have a

team, but you got one now, son!

'Cause I got a few outliers. Buh-bam!

Kerplash! Zzz-yah!

We about to get it all good

up in this hood, right?

"Outliers". I just dropped

a little G-well on you.

'Cause Malcolm is my dawg.

What you say? Malcolm is my...

"Outliers", "10,000 hours".

But let's get a team

meeting going, everyone!

Team meet time!

Nick?

What other options do we have?

Okay! Let's get some meet and

greet going up in this heezy!

I'm Lyle and it's pretty much Wysiwyg...

what you see is what you get.

Been at the Goog

for four years.

Working on seven projies

en este momento.

Wow! Seven projects!

They ask and I do's it. What can I say?

I'm a people pleaser.

'Specially the ladies, my Mercedes!

It's all good in Lyle's hood.

Is Lyle always going to be referring

to himself in the third person?

If he is, I might want to

punch Lyle in the face.

Okay, good note.

- Lyle's still a little nervous.

- Lyle's a first-time manager.

I'll stop that.

Keep it to first and second person.

Who's next?

My name is Yo-Yo Santos.

Yo-Yo, high five. - Whoa!

Yo-Yo, easy. I come in peace!

Did you get beat up

a lot in school?

I was homeschooled by my Mom.

Did you get beat up a

lot in homeschool?

Discipline is an important

part of growth.

But my mother was a

very nurturing person.

She provided me selflessly

with the milk of her bosom...

...until I was seven.

So you're tying your

shoe, climbing trees...

blowing up fireworks, and

then you got mouth on Mom.

Breastfeeding leads

to higher I.Q.

Actually, the science

isn't definitive on that.

I was bottle-fed. It

never slowed me down.

Vitamins are vitamins, whether

they come from a teat or a baba.

Wrong.

Sorry, what?

The teat or baba

thing, it's wrong.

I just Googled it.

You're wrong.

Oh, yeah, I'm Stuart.

You know, you can't trust

everything you read on...

The Journal of the

American Medical.

Association? Pretty

trustworthy.

It says breast milk

has more nutrients,

which are more easily

digested and absorbed.

Your confusion's understandable...

you were bottlefed.

He's right.

Whoa! Guys, where's all

this hostility coming from?

Where do you think,

you big tree?

Two-fifths of our team are two

old guys who don't know sh*t.

Okay, I for one am very

happy to have two...

...strapping, mature

gentlemen on the team.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm Neha Patel.

And, oh, my God,

you guys would make the

best Luke and Han.

Oh, "Star Wars" cosplay.

"Cosplay"?

Costume play!

People dress up as

their favorite movie character.

I'd be slave girl Leia. Yeah.

Metal bikini top.

Metal G-string panty.

High-heeled leather boots.

I'm chained at the neck. Not too

constricted, but just enough...

...to make things interesting.

Neck constriction's

interesting.

A few of us get together and

whatever happens happens.

Oh, but workwise, your skills

aren't really relevant here...

...or in this millennium,

so stay out of

our way... we'll do

this sh*t on our own.

Well, I'm loving this friction.

It's how you get

a fire started.

I'm Nick, this is my pal, Billy,

and despite what you think...

...we're just like you,

running down a dream.

All right!

Team Lyle!

Okay, we'll workshop that.

It's in beta.

Okay-doke! Our Translate

lecture is in 15 minutes.

Translate is about giving

everyone access to every word...

...ever written, no matter what

language it was written in.

Because when the

entire world can see,

read and find the rest of

the world's cool stuff...

...good things happen.

Lyle, you laying-in-the-weeds

son of a b*tch.

You're hot for teacher, my man.

I took her dance

class once here,

but she doesn't

even know I exist.

Doesn't know you exist?

You're communicating

with her right here.

Oh, no, this is just

the company intranet.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote