The Internship Page #7

For real.

All right, teams, welcome

to the Quidditch pitch.

Let's have a good clean

match, Nooglers.

Fatty, don't touch the ball.

Rules:
The Beaters toss

the Bludgers at the.

Chasers then get the Quaff

le through the ring.

No blagging,

blatching, bumphing,

haversacking or

Quaff le-pocking.

No Imperius Curses

or Confundus Charms.

In the unlikely event of a Dementor

attack, use a Patronus Charm.

I recommend the

stag personally.

Lyle, they have no

idea what you're

talking about. Use

your Muggle words.

You're making me feel like

I'm back in math class.

You have a couple savants here

with eye-hand coordination.

Say "game on" and let us play!

Version 2.0:
Peg them

with kickballs before

they throw the volleyball

through the hoop.

Brooms in, people.

Hufflepuff on three.

One, two, three...

Hufflepuff!

Yeah, son! Let's get it!

Game time.

Let's get started in here!

No mercy!

No mercy!

Tips down!

Blue team ready?

Red team ready?

Bangarang!

Brooms up!

Ball!

Yeah!

Ten points, Blue!

- Billy, talk to me!

- What do I do?

What are we doing? It's chaos!

How do I do it?

I'm lost!

Hit up, hit up!

Whoa, whoa, what's happening?!

What the hell was that?

Try looking up and

giving a sh*t!

Come on!

What am I supposed to... Come

get some of this! Who do I hit?

I want somebody to hit!

Broom between the legs!

My bad. Lesson learned.

What the f*** does this

have to do with computers?

Stop. Don't move, fatty!

Blue, ten points!

Ball!

Thank you.

Time out!

Time.

Bring it in, guys!

Good work, everybody.

Except you, Zach.

It's over. Our team's a joke.

Well, I ain't laughing.

Are you, Billy?

Hell, no.

We need to get our minds

right and start believing.

This reminds me of a girl

who had to start believing.

A girl from a steel town

who had the dream...

...to dance.

No one believed in the welder girl,

but she believed in herself.

Are you talking

about "Flashdance"?

You're damn right I am!

The deck was stacked against Alex.

You know how she overcame it?

By believing in

herself and trying.

She literally had

to become a maniac!

Have any of you been called a

maniac because you were different?

My morn calls me a maniac

when I tell her I love her.

Of course she does! You are a little bit...

in a good way!

Well, guess what? They called

Bill Gates a maniac, too.

No question.

I don't think anyone

called him a maniac.

I just did!

You guys are getting

off the point!

She had to strip

down to nothing!

She had to sit in a

chair, pull that chain

to nowhere back and douse

herself with water!

Where did that water come from?

Who knows?!

It came from her

belief it was there!

She believed so hard, she got an

audition at the dance school...

...and she spun. Oh, she spun.

And she spun and she spun...

...and she spun herself

into that dance school!

And into our hearts.

Now, in the second half of whatever

the hell you call this game...

...can't we all be

that welder girl

who wants to be something more?

I know you're not excited

we're on your team.

But we're here.

We're in this thing together.

So I'm asking you, believe in yourselves.

Believe in each other.

Let's put on our leg warmers...

...and dance our asses off.

Come here, you little lovable maniacs.

Get in here.

I have an idea that I think

would make Bear Bryant smile.

I don't know who that is,

but we're listening.

Let's go!

Stuart!

Neha!

Lyle, hit me! I got it!

Baby!

Blind her! I'm going in!

Yes!

Yo-Yo!

Eat it, Malfoy!

See you!

Coming at you, Nick!

Who's on blondie?

Let's go, boys!

Pick and roll!

Stockton and Malone.

She shoots and scores!

Billy, what's up!

Tie game!

Where were you, huh?!

I had to use the restroom.

It's the Golden Snitch!

Who the f*** is this now?

Zach, get over here.

Fatface, it's time

to fake an injury.

I don't know how.

Man down!

Get the tennis ball and we win!

Run, you big tree!

Go!

Come on, ref! Are you

going to call that?

Yeah! Yeah!

That b*tch just snaked me!

That must be illegal!

Sorry. If I didn't see

it, I can't call it.

You okay, Golden Boy?

The Snitch is fine.

G.D. it!

Don't start that, Yo-Yo.

You did...

...your best out there.

That's the first time

we all came together as a team.

Billy's right.

Let's keep it rolling.

Just keep it rolling.

Come on, let's get a frosty.

Nick?

Would I be wrong to

call you my brother?

Of course not. I'd do anything for

my little show pony. Anything.

I need you to ice

my balls for me.

Brother!

Oh, boy.

Time to shut the engines

down for a bit.

Take a load off, Nicky. What

would I do without these babies?

This is a "shh" zone.

Oh, hi! Hey.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thanks for sending me to that seminar.

It was actually interesting.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

What have you been up to?

I'm going to go.

No, no, wait!

You were here first.

I'll leave. Sorry.

One thing... quick question.

If I was to invite

someone out to a really

nice dinner around here,

where would I go?

Urn...

I wouldn't know. I spend

most of my time on campus.

What? That's criminal!

Has it occurred to you I

work hard for a reason, hmm?

This may sound silly to you, but

I believe what we do here...

...makes people's

lives better.

That doesn't sound silly.

I think it's admirable.

I'm just saying that sometimes

with all the work you can...

...forget about the

person who matters most.

Is this a nap pod or a convo pod?

Oh, that's right, it's a nap pod.

Shh! Yikes.

- I know where you're going with this.

- You think...

I'm some 30-year-old exec who

devoted her life to her career.

And one day I'll wake up wanting more.

Stop me if I'm off base here.

What else? That I can't

go on Facebook anymore...

because it's only happy

couples gloating over

perfect babies in socks

that look like sneakers?

Oh, yeah, the little

Chuck Taylors.

Only I'm ten years too late.

While I've been

working, I missed out

on the bad dates...

...and a**holes and now

I'm running out of time.

No one told me it was a

game of musical chairs.

By the time I figured it

out, it was too late.

Yeah.

Anyway...

Anyway, is that what you

were going to say to me?

No. I was going to

suggest you work harder.

That you buckle down

and get to work.

You can't change the world while

laying in a nap pod. But honestly...

...if any of what you just said

applies even slightly to yourself...

...you might think about

doing something about it.

That's coming from someone...

...who wakes up in the morning, and first

thing on their calendar is regret.

And that's not a good feeling.

Anyway, I should go.

Thank you!

- But before I do...

- Oh, jeez!

Just bear with me. I want to throw

down a challenge for you...

...to go out to dinner

before I leave town.

I'll tell you if a

window opens up.

Great. And if it does,

don't minimize it.

Don't click the red

X in the corner.

See? I'm getting it.

I get it.

Shh, go back to sleep.

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