The Itch of the Golden Nit Page #2

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The Golden what?

NIT PLAYS FANFARE

What is it?

Pull yourselves together. Haven't

you seen the Golden Nit before?

Can someone tell me what's going on?

I'm what's going on!

To escape Evil Stella,

I hid in the most boring,

insignificant place I could find.

All right, all right!

I am the flame that ignites the sun,

so if you don't get me home,

then the universe is kaput.

So where's home? The sun.

Keep up, toddler.

Ha, ha-ha! You must take me,

to save the universe.

It's your destiny, Blend In Boy.

The actual sun?

You do know you can't get within

ninety-two million,

eight hundred

and sixty eight thousand miles of it

without burning up, don't you?

Looks like someone needs a hero.

How am I supposed to know what to do?

I don't want a destiny,

I just want my mum and dad back.

Oh, and a sonic football.

Da-daah! Ta-dah! Da-daah!

Here she is,

my beautiful rainbow spaceship.

I've got you now, nitty.

You leave

our Beanie and Beryl alone.

Oooh, I'm loving Beryl's new look,

and hasn't Beanie grown?

I think it's Beryl that's

shrunk like us, love. Oh, yes.

She's not the brightest star

in the galaxy, your Julie.

Whoa! Beryl,

look at that blue planet!

I think it's Neptune. Mmmm, yeah.

He's an Intergalactic Potato Head,

he lives on Mars in a rocket shed!

Whooaahh!

Right, let's get on

with your destiny, Blend In Boy.

Now, which way...

The quick way, to the sun!

I can't see it anywhere.

Hey, Planet Jimmy. The sun,

any ideas? Too right I have.

Go past the Party Planet, you know,

the one with the like, the doo-dah.

Take the second right, up a bit,

down a bit and bob's your ding-dong.

There you are, you can't miss it.

Thank you, hero helper.

The sun's dying,

so party like there's no tomorrow,

because there IS no tomorrow!

It's Evil Stella! Oooh,

and Fireboy. And Mum and Dad.

They're shooting full-fat

custard torpedoes at us!

Things might get sticky.

Come and get it!

Two parents for one nit.

Then I can get on

with ruling the universe. Deal?

Over my buffed body!

This universe

is for sharing, sweet feet.

Ow!

Ha-ha-ha-ha ha-haah!

I like knitting and crocheting

and taking over the universe!

Aaaarrrgghh!! Ha-ha! Argh!

Ha-ha! Ooh!

Argh! Argh! Hurgh!

Who be this in my hearty ocean?

# Oh, I'm a smelly pirate

and I sail the seven seas, yes!

# He's a smelly pirate

and a stinky pirate he

# With hairy knees!

# I like to count me treasure

I've got too much to measure

# I like to sail on a boat

It floats better than a goat

# I like to sail the seven seas

Ha-ha-haaaa, ha-ha-haarrrrr!

Or is it eight? Who cares?

# Oh, I'm a smelly pirate

a stinky pirate me

# A stinky pirate me

# And I don't care! #

Aaarrgghh!

Bravo!

You smelly saviours.

We don't save for free, you know.

You must pay us...in gold.

# gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! #

Oooh, hee-hee-hee-hee!

Milk me shake and shiver me shin

splints, what do we have here? Doh!

ALL:
The Golden Nit? This laddie's

head's a treasure trove!

Don't take it, we've got to take him

back home to the sun

before it goes out, or we'll all die.

You'll have to do

better than that, laddie.

I'll never see my mum and dad again.

You're not tugging at me mainbrace.

Please, we don't even know the way.

I knows the way,

it be up the Scary Hairy River.

OK, maybe's we can take yer,

but on one condition. Hey!

You get my golden fishfinger back

from the Moody Mermaids.

Moody mermaids?

They stole my prized fishfinger

and taunt me with it every teatime.

Evil, they are, pure evil!

I can't do this, I can't do this!

Well, I can't do it. And this

cape's dry-clean only, you know.

Oh, stop moaning and get on with it.

Activate the blend-in pants.

But how? Give yourself a wedgie!

Argh! Urgh! Argh! Whoooaaaahh!

Poor laddie, but a deal's a deal.

What?! How is this supposed

to help me blend in?

I'm Sparkles, the mysterious fish.

I sparkle all day and night,

glistening around the ocean,

making it nice and bright.

Huh-huh.

Coo-ee, hell-o-o-o! Oh, no!

The sun can't die,

for carrot's sake!

Why does it always have to be

bad news these days?

They're just talking piffle.

I've been reading

this book about humans

and apparently they're so arrogant.

The golden fishfinger! Yes!

Uh, can we help you?

Umm, uh, hello,

I was just...swimming.

He looks like my dad.

What you got in your case, then?

And who are you exactly?

Umm, I'm a food inspector,

yes, for uh, Cornwall County.

And I need to take this fishfinger

back to the office for...tests.

What kind of tests? Uh,

important ones. This fish is off.

Good day to you all. Uh-oh. Ooooh,

what's that? It's so-o-o cute!

Can I hold it? I saw it first.

G-g-g-get them away from me,

get them away from me!

No! Don't! Ow! Stop that! Excuse me,

madam! Excuse me, hello? Ow!

Whoo!

Haar-ha-ha-ha-ha haaaarrrrr!

Well done, laddie, didn't think

you had it in yer. Uh, thanks.

You never did tell us how you

ended up on the checkout at Super Co.

Well, this may come as a shock,

looking at such a fine specimen

as myself, but I'm not all good.

What do you mean?

Well, for ten minutes every week,

I'm cursed with being bad.

So I had to get another job.

Have you been, um, bad this week?

Not that I've noticed. So you

could be bad in, like, two minutes.

Oh, yes. Totally evil.

Cool. Oh, no.

I can see where this is going.

There it is! Oh, who would have

thought it? Our Beanie, a hero.

Loser, more like.

I'm so going to get that nit back

and everyone will be so impressed.

Get us there, Fireface.

Finding a worm-hole

into another dimension

isn't easy, you know.

And don't call me Fireface.

Fireface! Fireface! Fireface!

Got it! Whoooaaahhh!

Land ahoy! Land ahoy!

Beanie, please, say the mission

is going well.

The mission is going well.

Do you mean that? No.

We're all going to die!

Aaarrrgghhh!

We've run aground!

You're on your own, me hearties.

Fear not, my rainbow spaceship

can take us there.

Whooaaahhh!! Ah! Doh!

Easy, Jumbo.

Ah-ha! Feast your eyes on this baby.

Goodbye, Captain Iron Ears,

and all your crew.

Farewell, me hearties.

I'd come with you, but I need a poo.

Uuuuh! Uuuuh! Uuuuh!

Time for plan B.

Oooff!

No! Get off! Get me down!

Let's get out of here!

THRRRMP!

Shhh, what was that?

Ah, er, sorry, that was me.

Unnnnhh!

GROWLING:

Hey! Now that wasn't me.

Aarrghh! It's Rub Rub Sky! Shhh,

whatever you do, don't wake her.

PHONE ALARM BLARES

Ooh, sorry, sorry, sorry!

Whooaaahhh!! Ooooff!

Where are we? Homey-womey.

It's miles away. Your canoe,

turn it back into the spaceship.

Sharp thinking, Blend In Boy.

Aarrgghh! Uh-oh! Oh, no!

This is so the end of the world.

Aarrgghh! Not now, black heart.

Oooh! Uurrgghh!

Hello, losers!

Yoo-hoo, kids! Missed ya! Mum, Dad!

"Mum, Dad!"

Now shut up and listen to me.

As you can see, I've got company.

So, last chance,

give me my golden nit.

Umm... Oh, you wouldn't,

not after all the fun we've had?

Of course not. What fun?

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