The January Man Page #5

Why are you telling me this?

Because I don't like you.

There's no place for you here.

But I respect you.

It's like the army...

wartime hero, peacetime fuckup.

That's you.

Transfer back

to the fire department.

I ain't got the stomach

to be your brother's stooge.

I need a backup team,

maybe a decoy.

I need your help

for twelve more hours...

then I'll go back to the farm.

I can't, even if I wanted to.

Don't give me that, skipper!

I can't get Emergency Service.

The commissioner says,

from now on...

all E.S. Orders

go through him.

I ain't gonna put a decoy out

on the street without backup.

All right.

You got what you got.

That's all the support

you're going to get.

I'll look the other way

till tomorrow...

and then I'll expect

a request for transfer.

And in the meantime, unless you

see a man strangling a woman...

don't call for backup...

because it ain't gonna come.

Can you just lift your hair?

Sure.

How's that feel?

Ready?

Feel anything?

No.

I like attention as much

as the next girl, but...

No. It's fine.

Actually, it digs in

a little bit right here.

I'll put some tape over that.

All right.

There's a puzzle in

the computer I got to sort out.

Let's get downtown.

All right.

Here we go.

Can you mark the 11 buildings

where the murders took place?

Can you make the rest

of the city disappear...

and just leave the dots?

Virgo.

Stars.

Ed, there's a star missing.

Find it.

Get a star chart to scale.

Find it,

superimpose it on the map.

Then we'll know the building.

Find it.

OK, now...

we got one more problem.

Which window on which floor?

You got all that

into the computer, right?

All right, Ed.

Yep.

I'll be right back

with the stars.

Very good, Eddie.

OK, he likes to fill in squares.

Let's fill in

the murder windows.

OK. Find the pattern.

OK. All on the same floor.

Down one here.

Back up to the original floor.

Let's make the distance

between the dots uniform.

Good.

What do you suppose it forms?

It can't be another

astrological sign...

so what is it?

Now, what is that?

Music.

I feel like I'm waiting

for the other shoe to drop.

It was a nifty theory.

There's seven notes in a row.

It goes...

What's that?

I just made it up.

Seven notes in a row...

No. Go back.

What is that?

That right there.

Yes.

That. What you just did.

I love, I love

My little calendar girl

I love, I love my lit-tle

Ca-len-dar

Girl

Yeah

16th floor.

We're lucky in that

there's only two single women...

living on the 16th floor

with windows facing this way...

and one of them is currently

visiting Disneyworld.

You're getting to be

a real cop, Ed.

Thank you.

This is it.

Keep going.

We'll set up in here.

All right.

One of us

always watches the door.

We'll take

thirty-minute shifts.

If it's the guy, we just

take note, let him go in.

If it's the woman,

you know what to do.

Bernadette,

you take the first watch.

What's for dinner?

Nothing edible?

Prime number, Virgo,

and "Calendar Girl"?

I can say it now.

I had my doubts.

Why don't we just take him now?

Right now, it's just

breaking and entering.

We got to surprise him

in flagrante... homicido.

Relax.

Listen, we're with

the police department.

I am a police lieutenant.

Lieutenant Starkey. See?

There is a man...

a killer, a strangler...

waiting right inside

your apartment door.

If you'd gone through

that door, you'd be dead now.

Understand?

So we're going to send

someone in in your place...

and we're going

to catch this man.

Do you understand?

Is that all right with you?

All right.

Thanks.

Oh, God.

All right.

- You ready, Bernadette?

- Yeah.

You scared?

It's going to be all right.

Now listen... you open the door,

you close the door.

You start

to take off your coat.

As soon as you feel that ribbon,

you start screaming.

Be a piece of cake.

And what's the next part again?

I save you.

Don't forget that part.

If I close the door behind me,

how are you getting in?

Sledgehammer.

I thought you were supposed to

shoot the lock off with a gun.

I don't have a gun.

You don't?

Stop worrying.

Ed, I think it'd be best if you

don't come in the apartment.

You got it.

I'm an artist.

I'll watch the woman.

Let's go.

Damn!

Jesus!

Hang on!

Come on!

I'm coming!

Damn!

Hang on!

Nick!

You son of a b*tch!

Jesus!

Nick, come on!

God!

Bernadette!

Hurry!

Go ahead and do your worst,

you dirty, murdering pig!

You all right?

I'm alive.

My name is Lieutenant

Nicholas Starkey.

You... are under arrest.

You have the right

to remain silent...

You really want

to play this out?

I had a hard time finding you,

and I'm not about to let you go.

Call Alcoa!

You have the right

to legal counsel.

You're... sh*t!

Give me the 2nd Precinct,

please. It's an emergency.

What?

What?

Hello, Mrs. Starkey.

Hi. Lieutenant Starkey's

not in his office.

I'd like to speak with him.

Do you know where he is?

I really don't know where...

Get the commissioner,

three squad cars...

tell them to get

to this address.

And tell them to get

the f*** there!

Nick's going at it

with the strangler.

I thought the strangler

was dead.

So did I!

And get me a car

and get me the f*** there!

Get the f*** out of my way!

Sorry, ma'am.

You'll have to excuse us.

Of course.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi. Where's my door?

- It's on the floor.

Good. Grab the elevator.

How am I doing?

Listen.

Stop kicking me.

I hate that.

I told you to stop that.

You're not getting away.

Why don't you just

f***ing accept it?

I hate this job.

- See?

- I told you to stop.

But, no. All the force

necessary, you know.

Do you hear them?

All right.

That's it.

You want to fight?

All right. Come on!

Deploy these f***ing men

properly!

What's going on?

Nick's in there

with the strangler.

What about the guy we got?

It came over the radio

on the way here.

They just made the guy

we pegged for the strangler.

He got out of the loony bin

about three days ago.

He's been in there two years.

F***!

OK, are we rolling?

Sorry, lady.

Police personnel only.

Do you know who I am?

Back!

Get down!

Come on.

I wonder if I could get

a cup of coffee.

Preferably espresso.

- Does anybody know this guy?

- Who he is ain't important.

That's the problem with him.

He's nobody.

Get the photog out here!

Let's go! Come on!

What are you doing here?

I left Frank.

You'll never change.

Go away.

- You love me.

- No, Christine.

I loved an idea I had

that looked like you.

Here's the check.

Darling...

don't say I never

gave you anything.

Good luck, Bernadette.

The world's either great

or wretched, isn't it?

So many people

are just finished.

You think?

I don't know, really.

All I know is I'm going home.

I quit.

The job?

Yes. I'm going home,

I'm going to mix some paint...

and I'm gonna try and do

something original.

See you.

Listen...

I want to make you dinner.

You know... in a couple of days.

That'd be nice.

I want to make you haggis.

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