The Karate Dog

1

[electronic beeping]

[electronic female voice]

You have requested

access to Lot 99.

Access code, please.

You have requested

access to Lot 99.

Access code, please.

Access denied.

[beeping]

Warning:
security breach.

Warning:
security breach.

Warning:
security breach.

Warning.

Warning.

Warning.

Warning.

[alarm whooping]

[cats yowling]

[garbage can crashing]

[mysterious music]

[fire crackling]

Look, Cho Cho,

a letter from my brother.

He seems to know

always what I'm thinking.

Why can I never

find my glasses?

(Cho Cho)

I'll get 'em.

Ah, my dear brother.

Here you go, boss.

[laughs]

Thank you, thank you.

And I thought I was the one

supposed to take

car of you, hmm?

Ah.

Don't speak.

Remember all that

I taught you, Cho Cho.

Words are precious.

Use them only for truth.

Look, this was Tibet.

Yes.

Is that Hamilton?

Hamilton, my favorite student.

[chuckles]

Oh, boy, this was such

a long time ago.

[rattling at the door]

[quietly]

Now, stay.

(Cho Cho)

W-where you going?

Shhh!

Okay, but I don't like this.

Shhh, shhh.

Stay here, Cho Cho.

I need you safe.

I need you safe too.

What are you do...?

[whimpering]

[ominous music]

Yes.

(man)

Mr. Li.

You have something

that belongs to us.

[barking]

If you give us

simple cooperation,

your loyalty will be

rewarded a hundred fold.

How can you take something

so good, so pure,

just for

your personal greed?

You should be

ashamed of yourself.

Bring him along.

[barking]

Boo!

[suspenseful music]

[barking]

Huh!

Uh!

Ahhh!

Hi-yah!

Uh!

[loud crash]

[whimpering]

[Chin coughing]

(man)

Sorry it had to end

this way.

(Cho Cho)

Hey!

Hey, get your

stinking paws off him.

[loud crash]

Huh!

[barks]

Cho Cho?

Right here.

[howls]

Hiii-yah!

Cho Cho.

Take him.

[suspenseful music]

Whoosh!

Ahh!

Uh!

[yelping frantically]

[snarling]

[growling]

Cho Cho.

Cho Cho.

[breathing heavily]

[phones ringing]

State the nature

of your emergency.

[Cho Cho over phone]

Will you please hurry?

He's dying.

Who's dying?

[urgently]

My friend.

He's dying.

Stay calm,

help is on the way.

Can I have your name, please?

Sir, may I have

your name, please?

[mumbling]

Remember to

protect the dogs.

Speak only to one

who seeks the truth.

I love you, dear friend.

[whimpers]

[melancholy music]

[siren whooping]

(Gonzalez)

Well, well, well,

look who's here.

So the Laptop Cop

is getting his hands

dirty out in the field, huh?

Ha, ha, ha, it's funny.

We're all cops, guys.

I just use technology

as my weapon.

(Fowler)

Keep your eye

on the car, Gonzalez.

It's a classic.

(Gerber)

Step back, Fowler.

Real cops go first.

Whoa.

Wow, a real corpse.

(man)

Davis, did you dust right here?

(woman)

Yeah.

[gasps]

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry.

Wo...

You remember me?

Y... you taught my new technology

seminar at the academy.

Yes, of course.

How could I forget?

3, 4.

3, 4?

Third row, fourth seat...

You always sat there.

I'm impressed.

Excuse me for interrupting

your important conversation,

but we've

got work to do.

Well, he's right.

I probably should

get to work.

Okay.

[beeping]

Computer Fowler,

caller code:
cougar.

[yawns]

[electronic female voice]

Hi, Peter.

So we're on a case?

Okeydokey, let your

fingers do the walking.

You and your computerized

date want to be alone?

Oh, I was just making it,

you know, user-friendly.

It's their first date.

Give him a break.

[scoffs]

Maybe he'll get lucky.

Connect.

[modem dialing in]

What's COLAR?

(Peter)

Stands for Criminology Online

Analysis Research.

COLAR searches

through thousands

of domestic and international

law enforcement databases.

It's actually the most advanced

analytical system in the world.

See, with this data,

it can assess a crime scene

with more speed and accuracy

than ever before.

(Gonzalez)

We don't need your computer

for this case, Fowler.

You'll need this.

Oh, nice.

I'll take that.

Hey, that's evidence.

I should see that.

I can't do my job

without the evidence, guys.

I'm just looking for the truth.

[barks]

(COLAR)

Waiting for your instructions,

Detective Fowler.

(Peter)

Okay, COLAR.

Analyze probability that

incident was gang-related.

(Gerber)

Until your computer sprouts

legs and a gun, it's my call

what's evidence and what's not.

It's a robbery gone wrong,

pure and simple.

She's a street cop.

She knows what

I'm talking about.

Yeah, Fowler.

Give it up.

It's a no-brainer.

Oh, then I guess you're

the right man for the job.

(Locke)

Animal Control,

priority status.

Where's the dog?

Take it easy.

It's a crime scene.

Don't tell me how to do my job.

It's been a long night.

I'm just here

to administer a little TLG.

Don't you mean TLC?

TLG:
Tag 'em, Lock 'em, Gas 'em.

It's nappy time, doggy.

Here, puppy,

puppy.

[snarling]

[everyone yelling

simultaneously]

(Locke)

Canine cutthroat.

[barking]

Whoa!

Jeez, did you

trip over my foot?

I didn't see you.

Wow, '69 Cougar

with a sports package?

Killer.

I'm sorry.

[laughter]

(man)

See you, Fowler.

Bye-bye.

[mischievous music]

Nice digs.

I could live here.

[Cho Cho coughs]

You know, it wasn't a robbery.

Who's that?

(Cho Cho)

Please don't turn that on.

I wish to remain anonymous.

(Peter)

What... what the...

Hey, aren't you the dog

from the crime scene?

How'd you get here?

Stay, doggy.

I'm a cop with a gun.

A really big gun.

COLAR, lights.

Hey, how'd you get here

all the way from Chin Li's?

Okay, I'm going

to talk now.

Whatever you do,

try to remain calm.

Ahhhh!

Well, I was hoping

for a little calmer than that.

I warned you

not to turn on the light.

Uh-huh, you're upset.

Okay, you're upset.

I know; I'm upset too.

My best friend

just died in my arms.

Took the heart right out of me,

believe me.

Okay, enough.

I need your help.

I came here because I know

you're the one who can help me.

Please just tell me

I didn't make a mistake.

H-h-how are you doing that?

What?

(Peter)

Talking like a human.

It's easy.

It's like riding a bike.

Incidentally,

I'm pretty good at that too.

Just trying to loosen you

up a little, Fowler.

Must be some sort

of voice transmitter.

(Cho Cho)

Jeez, humans.

Boy, you don't mind

if we squat on the lawn

or anywhere else

for that matter,

but trying having a simple

conversation and, "Woof!"

It's the end of the world.

[chuckles]

Good God.

Hey, watch it, pal.

I don't know you

well enough yet.

As far as you're concerned,

I'm neutered.

(Peter)

I don't believe this.

There's no microphone.

Must be some sort of

computer-generated hologram.

You haven't heard

a word I've said, have you?

All right, we'll try it again,

Detective Foul-up.

It was not a simple robbery.

The guys who killed Chin Li

were professional assassins.

And what would

professional assassins want

with some old man who could...

Oh, my God.

I'm having

a conversation with a dog.

Oh, boy.

Okay, okay.

[exhales]

I'm a scientific investigator.

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