The Karate Dog Page #2

Approach this calmly,

logically, and rationally.

Now, this should interesting.

Dogs don't talk!

It's not possible.

It's not... possible.

(Cho Cho)

Sure it's possible.

Lookit, I can

even do impressions.

[impersonating Peter]

Dogs don't talk!

Pretty good, huh?

Want to see my Britney Spears?

Cut that out.

Just kidding, just kidding.

Got any chow?

Chow?

Frozen pizza, cheese logs,

fast food leftovers, bacon bits.

Don't you have anything

that doesn't clog your arteries?

How about dog food?

Dog food would be good.

Hey, Naked Chef,

could we talk about the talking?

Oof.

Okay.

Pay attention, now.

Chin Li was a great Zen master.

He... he wanted me to talk.

He willed it.

Are you with me?

So Chin Li taught you to talk?

Yeah.

Actually, all dogs talk.

You mean, so those people

you see in the park

talking to their dogs...

They're not nuts?

They're actually

speaking to 'em?

No, those people are nuts.

Look, it's simple.

Dogs talk dog talk;

horses talk horse talk;

aardvarks talk...

Oddly enough, they talk German.

No, I'm just kidding.

Hey, you get the idea.

No, I don't.

This is insane.

You're speaking human.

Actually,

our original decision

to befriend man

was more impressive to me.

Why?

Because man has been

a questionable friend.

Then why to me,

doggy?

The name is Cho Cho.

Then walk to me, Cho Cho?

Because you were the only one

there looking for the truth.

Look, someone killed

my best friend, Fowler.

Help me find out who.

Please.

Please help me.

Guess I can sleep on it.

But one thing.

(Cho Cho)

What?

No walking on your hind legs.

That creeps me out, man.

Okay, deal.

Show me some love.

Don't do that either.

Come on.

Shaking hands

is one of those

stupid doggy tricks

humans live for.

Hey, I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

Feel if I don't laugh

I'm gonna cry.

Know how you feel.

[snoring]

Found this old blanket

so you can sleep...

on the floor.

[snoring]

[trolley dinging]

Uh, maybe it was just a dream.

Yeah.

[toilet flushing]

Don't light a match in here

for another hour.

I'm almost done;

you want to go next?

You're doing it again.

Doing what?

(Peter)

What? It!

It.

Walking, brushing your doggy

teeth with my toothbrush.

Ecch!

Hey.

(Cho Cho)

Uh, your morning paper's

on the table.

[sarcastically]

I fetched it.

Take off my underpants.

Ooh, Mr. Grouch.

Come on, partner.

Let's round up some perps.

There's no way I'm taking you

to the station with me, okay?

Okay, fine.

I'll just stay here

and pee on your rug.

You don't think slobber

will hurt this computer stuff,

do you?

Do the neighbors like

a lot of loud barking?

Upholstery with fava beans...

Fine.

Come on.

This is blackmail.

(Cho Cho)

Hold on.

Ooh, the old San Francisco Bay.

(man)

I see forever now...

(Cho Cho)

What a day,

what a day, what a day.

Oh, baby, baby, baby,

make me want to sing to you.

I'm in the mood

to drive across the bridge.

Hey, can I drive?

Oh, baby,

baby, baby.

Oh, what a day.

It's beautiful.

Beautiful.

(man)

I've got the world

on my side.

I want to sing,

and I want to dance!

Why the long face?

(Peter)

Cho Cho, it's just

not gonna happen.

(Cho Cho)

But you gave me your word.

(Peter)

Just sit back and relax, okay?

Watch the car.

Fine.

If you want to leave me alone

in a beautiful, primo '69 Cougar

with a sports package.

Whoa, hold the phone.

You don't still think you're

coming inside with me, do you?

But you're the computer nerd;

I'm the people person.

But you're

not even people.

I really think we should

talk about this, Fowler.

Talk about it?

Yeah, all right,

we could talk about it.

As a matter of fact, talking in

the right place could be good.

[quietly]

I like my job, Cho Cho.

Don't embarrass me.

[Cho Cho, whispering]

Don't you embarrass me.

(Gerber)

Hey, it looks like

the computer finally paid off.

He's got a date.

Okay, you can wait for me

in the interrogation room.

Just don't touch anything,

please.

Looks like NYPD Blue.

Hey, where do they keep

the police dogs?

You stay put

while I check in, okay?

(Cho Cho)

10-4.

Criminal who got away?

Ex-wife who got the house.

Uh!

Good news.

Just heard back

from division.

They're approving COLAR

for the entire department.

[excitedly]

No way.

Talking about building a new

state-of-the-art command center.

That's incredible news.

Yeah.

You'd be in charge of

the command center,

and I'd be in charge of you.

Everybody wins.

So make sure and get COLAR's

list of possible suspects

out to Gerber so we can

start making arrests.

Well, I haven't quite

run that analysis yet, sir.

Why not?

Well, 'cause I don't think that

COLAR has all the proper data.

What if I had an eyewitness?

Witness?

[whimsical music]

(Brunelli)

There's a dog

in my interrogation room.

(Peter)

Just bear with me on this one.

All I want you to do is watch.

Watch what?

[sighs]

I don't know.

How to say this, so I'm just

going to come out and say it.

That dog, the dog right there

in that room, he's gonna...

talk.

Talk?

You mean, you say, "Speak,"

and he barks.

No, no, I say, "Speak,"

and he speaks,

full sentences,

subject, verb, object,

the whole enchilada.

What's up?

(Brunelli)

Oh, nothing

out of the ordinary.

Fowler says

this dog is gonna talk.

Talk?

You mean, like, confess?

No.

Words.

Just need you to go over

the facts again about Chin Li.

Come on, you remember.

Tell me again

about the assassins

who attacked your master.

Come on; you remember how you

karate-chopped the one guy

and then drop-kicked the other

and then you called 911.

[men laughing]

He's not going to talk

without his lawyer present.

Come on, Cho Cho, why?

What, is it what I said

before about getting creeped out

when you walk

on your hind legs?

What?

[tittering]

Cho Cho, speak.

Come on, Cho Cho.

Come on, help me out here, pal.

Cho Cho, speak, please.

[barks]

[laughing]

Please, Cho Cho,

don't do this to me.

(Gonzalez)

Hey, they're making out

on their first date.

All right, you two.

Out of here,

both of you.

Come on, out.

Let's go.

Yes, thank you very much.

Go on.

Hey, Dr. Doolittle,

get your butt in here pronto.

(Brunelli)

A dog that called 911?

Are you trying

to get yourself fired?

Traitor.

Well, you listen to me, Fowler.

Unless you have an eyewitness,

one without a tail,

I suggest you go back

and analyze your data

and let real detectives

make the arrests.

Is that clear?

Keep that dog

out of my squad room.

You did that on purpose.

Of course I did.

Why?

Well, I may be a dog,

but that doesn't mean

I can't smell a rat.

I trust you, Fowler.

But this is crazy.

You're a dog that talks.

This turns theories

of evolution upside down.

I just wanted them to hear you.

I told you I could only speak

to the man who seeks the truth.

That was supposed to be you.

Chin Li was like a father to me,

and now they've killed him.

He deserves justice.

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