The Karate Dog Page #5

Well, I don't know

who was feeding you

those corny lines earlier,

but I like your own words

much better.

Yeah, me too.

Let's go talk.

Want to?

(Peter)

You know,

I'm not your typical guy.

I'm not into sports,

going to bars, you know.

I don't really

get out much either.

(Cho Cho)

You know,

I'm not your typical dog.

[chuckling]

I'm not into chasing cars

or playing fetch.

I'm actually...

not the party type.

I never go to parties.

Never have parties.

(Cho Cho)

Ooh, this smells...

Oh, excuse me.

Ladies first.

I don't do hydrants.

(Peter)

Whoa!

Uh!

You want to come

back to my place?

You know,

maybe later?

Oh.

Uh!

I'm sorry.

It's okay, babe.

Love hurts.

[romantic jazz music]

This is a nice neighborhood.

Oh, yeah.

It's, uh, it's an old boatyard.

Got it for cheap,

fixed it up, you know?

You'll see.

[music blaring]

Is there a party?

[loud squeaking]

No, um, I just left my TV on.

So.

[horn honking]

[loud rumbling]

Um.

I... I got to go.

So there was a party.

No, no, it's my cousins.

They're in town.

Yeah, okay.

Bye.

Ashley, wait.

[piano music]

[glass shattering]

[lively music]

(male dog)

Come on, keep up.

(all)

Rah!

(all)

Rah!

[dogs talking simultaneously]

[lively piano music]

(Peter)

Hey, I just saw

Mrs. Rottweiler.

She said the puppies

have been up crying all night.

Puppies?

You dog!

Coming through.

Excusez-moi.

[scratching]

[Latin dance music]

(Chihuahua)

Ay caramba.

I'm so high.

Hey, Bernie.

Hey, we playing poker or what?

Oh, I should have

seen that one coming.

All right, enough!

That's it!

I want all you four-legged,

tail-wagging,

Frisbee-catching,

flea-scratching mongrels

out of my house now.

[barking]

You... out.

[dogs complaining

simultaneously]

[music cuts out]

Out of here!

[barking and talking]

You, beat it.

Man, this ain't cool.

Don't you give me that look.

[splashing]

Ooh, yeah.

Down!

(male dog)

I'm gonna poo on his lawn.

(Cho Cho)

You thought this was a party?

[sarcastically]

No, it was

a conference on world peace.

Fowler, I was undercover.

Undercover?

I was questioning

the dogs on the street

about what goes on

at the Cage Kennel Club.

Right.

Not mine.

As a matter of fact,

the Dane's cousin

dated one of the slower

greyhounds there.

Okay, right now

isn't a good time

to talk about dogs

and their love life.

It's not important.

But this is.

After a few months

on that new dog food,

that slower greyhound

turned out

to be Southern Beauty,

winner of her

last five starts.

And guess what.

Edward Cage always supervised

feeding time.

Really?

COLAR.

(COLAR)

Yes, Peter?

The last six greyhounds

to win at over 20 to 1,

how many of them are owned

by Cage Sports Enterprises?

Searching that data

for you now.

Four of them, sweetie buns,

including Iron Thunder

and Southern Beauty.

(Cho Cho)

Sweetie buns?

This ain't

no ordinary dog food.

What if it's illegal

or, worse,

dangerous to the dogs?

Well, if Edward

is feeding the dogs

some type of

chemical energy formula

and then betting on them,

well, that's enough

for an indictment

on felony racketeering,

and could possibly tie him

to the attack on Chin Li.

So we need

what Chin Li was after,

proof of the formula.

And the last place Chin Li was

before the attack was Biotech.

The formula has to be

in their mainframe computer.

[electronic beeping]

Bingo.

[Cho Cho barks]

Not you.

I know you're not Bingo.

(COLAR)

Access denied.

(Cho Cho)

Access denied?

Okay, we've got

to break in there,

but we've got to be

really smart about it.

[engine sputtering]

(Cho Cho)

All right, Fowler.

Be honest now:
what do

you think of my disguise?

Hey, give me that.

Ow.

Ew, doggy drool.

[mischievous music]

[Cho Cho, muffled]

Ow.

What is this, bumper cars?

Why don't you try

going around the walls

instead of through them?

Should be a door marked

"Fire Control" around here.

There it is.

(Cho Cho)

You should be in here,

and I should be driving.

Did you hear me?

Shut up.

We're undercover.

[Cho Cho, mockingly]

Shut up, we're undercover.

I am, anyway.

Easy, easy.

I'm slipping; come up.

If I want to be neutered,

I'll go to a vet.

Get in there.

Come on.

Hey, watch your hands, Romeo.

Look out.

Oh, God.

I bet Lassie didn't have

to go through this.

Ow.

Get in.

Come on,

push, push.

Ow!

This harness is going

to ruin my love life.

[adventure movie music]

I'll tell you something:

Tom Cruise had this

figured out better.

And I'm not getting

$20 million, either.

Good job, boy.

(Cho Cho)

All right, this is the place.

What's happening?

[nervously]

Whoa, big... b-b-big drop.

[Cho Cho over headphones]

Big drop.

Hang on to that rope.

Oh, easy.

E-e-easy.

Whoa!

Wait a minute.

I got to go back up

and get my stomach.

T-t-take it easy now.

Uh!

(Cho Cho)

Slow.

Take it slow.

Whoa.

Rope, don't fail me now.

Hold it; hold it.

Not too close...

Don't let me hit the floor,

I'll set off the alarm.

[Peter grunting]

Hold... hold... stop.

[Peter grunting]

(Cho Cho)

Good.

All right,

now swing me back and forth.

[Peter grunting]

Fowler, I'm just hanging here.

You're late.

Everybody's already here.

We have to stop

the animal testing.

Why?

Stage four isn't complete.

Well, why do you think?

Father.

You've seen the way

he's been acting.

She's so changed.

[sarcastically]

Uh, yeah.

There's no telling

what he'll do next.

He's out of control.

Almost there.

Back and forth,

not in circles.

Man, I'm gonna hurl.

Straighten me out.

Fowler, turn me around.

I can't put the disk

in with my butt.

[grunting]

It's not my fault.

Okay, okay, that's better.

That's better.

Uhh!

Easy, easy.

Here we go.

[male electronic voice]

Download in progress.

(Cho Cho)

All right.

Three more minutes to download,

and we're out of here.

[electronic voice]

Downloading complete

in 2 minutes, 48 seconds.

[whispering]

Wait, somebody's coming.

Get me up, up, up, up.

Up! Up!

[beeping]

(Cho Cho)

Pull.

[grunting]

(Hamilton)

Now it looks quite wonderful.

(Margaret)

A lab?

(Edward)

Why wasn't I told about this?

(Margaret)

When did you have this done?

(Hamilton)

As soon as I realized

the awesome power of Lot 99.

But I had to shroud it

in deepest secrecy...

Yes, even from

my beloved children.

Today I brought you all here

to inform you

that stage five testing

is now complete.

Stage five?

(Hamilton)

Human testing.

We haven't started that yet.

Yes, we have.

I'm proud to announce

that I, myself,

have been taking Lot 99

for the past, uh, six months.

Ladies and gentleman,

six months ago...

[group muttering in awe]

A 76-year-old man.

Or hadn't you noticed

the change?

Did you think this happened

because I did a few

extra sit-ups every day?

[group laughs]

Oh, no.

Hamilton.

That's unbelievable.

Strength, vitality,

eternal youth.

Adults will never know sickness.

Children will never be orphaned.

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