The Kid & I Page #2

Are you interested?

Five hundred dollars a year?

Five hundred dollars a week.

A week?

Yes! Now your first job...

I need you to go to the drug store,

pick me up some toiletries.

I need deodorant,

tooth paste, tooth brush, floss...

shaving cream, legal...

hey pay-pay attention.

- This is an important test for you.

- Okay.

Stuff like waxed dental floss.

Waxed?

Yes.

Nice.

Yeah.

This could be my comeback.

Yeah mine too.

Who are you again?

I'm Bill Williams, actor.

Guy Prince, assistant to the stars.

No-no-no-no-no-no I'll drive.

Okay, the kid's seventeen right?

But maybe we age him a little

bit make him like twenty-two.

That way people don't get all freaked

out when he gets shot at and stuff.

Plus it makes

it more believable that me,

his best friend of twenty years,

is forty-five.

Oh wait a minute. Maybe I was

best friends with his dad.

His dad blew up and now

I'm best friends with the kid.

Maybe, uh,

I could be your best friend.

No. See that's not realistic.

This is your first movie

so you're gonna have a small part.

You can be like

a bartender or a doorman.

And the star cannot

be best friends with someone...

who's probably gonna

get cut out of the movie anyway.

I didn't mean in the movie.

I meant in real life.

You wanna be my best friend?

Yeah.

Don't you have any friends, Guy?

Just you.

That's sad.

Well not as sad as last

week when I had no friends at all.

Guy... you are my friend,

you are my best friend,

you are my only friend.

Oh, I love you, man. I love you.

All right listen... do me a favor.

I need you to lay off the booze until

we're done with the movie.

Say no more.

All right, thanks, my friend.

So I think we'll start

off in Omega Sector,

'cause that's where

the original started.

It's a really cool location, and...

Thought you

were gonna lay off the booze.

No, I just didn't want you

to say no more about it.

You haven't had

a job in awhile, have ya?

Not since Operation Desert Storm.

You're a veteran?

No I just haven't had a job since '91.

All right.

Hello?

Well hi, sweetheart.

Thanks for returning my call.

I wanted to ask

you about Bill Williams.

Isn't it fantastic?

I don't think so.

Well you're probably right,

I mean he didn't have

that many other options.

Oh, how did he do it?

Well quite frankly, I did it.

Thank you, thank you very much.

What-what the hell

are you talking about?

What the hell am I talking about?

I put the whole deal together.

What deal?

Are we talking about his movie deal?

No. Bill Williams died-right?

No, no, no, that was a major misprint.

Bill's alive?

Well, thanks to me he

is very much alive. Bill Williams,

I saw him in my office this morning.

And he's making a film?

Co-starring and writing.

Let me just say something

to you, Susan,

you add your name to this, we can

make your name just a little bit bigger.

We can make your money

just a little bit tastier.

If you get my drift, huh?

Now I'm gonna see him

tomorrow morning. Any messages?

Oh-oh no. N-no, thanks.

I love talking to you.

Thanks.

This man lives large.

What does he do for a living?

I don't know. Acquisitions.

Shipping. Mini malls. Fine wines.

Ask him if he needs an assistant.

No.

Who are you here to see?

Just tell Davis,

Johnny Bernstein is here with Billy.

Mr. Roman will be

with you in just a moment.

One sugar, a little milk.

Get me anything that's free.

Take notes during the meeting, okay?

Okay.

Do you got a pen?

You don't have a pen?

That's rule number one, Guy.

What's rule number two?

You don't have anything to write on?

What's in your backpack?

Oh my God. You don't have to carry

beer around with ya all the time!

Well what if they don't have any?

Boys... could we keep the

psycho-drama until after the meeting.

Hello.

Welcome, everyone.

Billy,

this is Davis Roman.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Uh, this is Guy, my, uh, assistant.

Nice... to meet you all.

This is Shelby. Please, sit down.

Hi.

Hello.

Shelby, nice to meet you.

You look just like

your father only, uh,

a lot younger

and a lot more beautiful.

Shelby's my wife.

I knew that.

You look great in sea foam green.

I'm Aaron's step mom.

His mom and sisters live

in Bloomington, Illinois.

Aaron goes to school there

and spends his summers with us.

And this summer he turns eighteen.

And I said to him, Son... Just name it.

And he said... Dad,

True Lies is my favorite movie...

and I wanna be in a movie...

just like that.

So... here we are.

And he is so excited. He's been

working with the trainer, bulking up,

and taking driving lessons and

shooting lessons and acting lessons.

Ah, that's great but

that stuff's not really necessary.

I never did any of it and look at me.

Here's a photo

of Aaron with his team.

Handsome devil.

He's graduating this year.

Aaron's an exceptional kid.

Everyone who meets

him says he changes their lives.

So, how's the script coming?

Forget about it. He's on fire.

Good. Good.

Aaron's so excited about this.

And you really should get to know him.

He's got a lot

of great ideas about the story.

I bet he does.

Well... looks like it's gonna be

a great summer for all of us.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

Oh, boy, this place is like a museum.

This is a nice piano.

Well, Shelby's working

on becoming a concert...

I've always wanted

to learn to play the piano...

and never thought I could

until about a year ago when...

Aaron insisted

that I take some lessons.

Speaking of which,

here he comes now.

Aaron Roman, superstar.

Hi everybody.

Hi Bill Williams.

Hello, Aaron.

Aaron's seen True Lies...

eighty-eight times.

Ninety-one times, Dad.

Oh, that's right. He saw it...

three more times yesterday.

Thank you, Bill...

for making this movie.

You're welcome, my friend, any time.

Okay, guys.

I'm bein' punked, aren't I?

Where are the hidden cameras?

You did a great job.

Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Williams.

- Isn't he hysterical?

- Oh, my God.

He kills me. You kill me.

He kills me.

- Aaron, honey.

- Yes?

Don't you wanna have Bill

autograph your True Lies DVD?

Yeah. I'll be right back.

Please.

Please.

Yeah. You know what?

I'm outta here.

No you don't.

You promised that little boy

you were gonna sign his DVD.

Would get yourself

in that living room?

On the count of three.

- You tricked me.

- I gave it to you on a platter.

- You made me look stupid.

- You're gonna thank me.

You know what? I almost tried

to cash this phony check.

Guy, were you in on this?

I guess so.

Maybe my son wasn't

what you were expecting.

Why are you jumping to conclusions?

You really haven't gotten

to know him yet.

Honey... Bill Williams-always on.

Always funny.

However, this would be

a really good time to turn it right off.

You know what, you guys can

all quit acting now. This is my fault.

I'm the idiot.

I actually thought that I was

gonna be in a movie again.

Goodbye.

You're not going anywhere.

Stay. Good boy.

Goodbye, Johnny.

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