The Kids Are All Right Page #6

talking to you, ladies.

You, too.

You, too.

Okay, I'm sorry, but

your donor daddy is

giving me the sex vibe.

No, he's not.

He wouldn't do that.

Why not?

He's not my dad.

God, Sasha,

that's totally gross!

Not everybody

wants to have sex

with you, okay?

Especially when

you act like a slut.

F*** you.

Well, it makes

you seem insecure

and desperate.

I'm not insecure

and desperate.

I'm just a normal,

sexual person.

Maybe you'd understand that

if you weren't so uptight.

F*** you.

I'm not uptight.

Oh, my God,

these heirloom tomatoes

are amazing.

Oh, yeah,

they're in season.

You know, Joni brought

some home from Paul's

garden the other day.

They were huge.

So the kids have

been spending time

with him?

Yeah. Yeah, they're

spending all kinds of

quality time together.

Well, you're lucky.

You're lucky that the kids

bonded with the donor.

I mean, you hear so

many nightmare stories.

No, no, it's great.

They all just get

along famously.

Apparently, Paul

can do no wrong.

Excuse me. Could we get

another bottle of the

Seavey Cabernet?

Thank you.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

I don't need any more.

Yeah, you're alone

on this one, N icole.

Hey, so have you guys

gotten into the whole acai

smoothie craze?

Acai fruit packs.

Yeah. No, but they're

pushing them like crack

at Whole Foods.

Joel is so addicted to it.

He buys it by the case.

Here's what I do.

I throw one in the blender

with bananas, frozen

strawberries and hemp milk.

And I'll tell you what,

it is pretty sensational.

J ust f***ing kill me.

Okay?

Honey.

I'm sorry, guys,

but I just can't with

the f***ing hemp milk

and the organic farming.

And, you know, if I hear

one more person say that

they love heirloom tomatoes,

I'm gonna f***ing

kill myself. Okay?

Oh. And do you know

that we're composting now?

Oh, yeah.

"No, don't throw that

in the trash.

"You have to put it

in the composting bin

"where all the beautiful

little worms will turn it

into this organic mulch,

"and then we'll all

feel good about

ourselves." You know?

I can't do it, okay?

I can't f***ing do it.

Hey, babe. How about

some green tea?

You know what, J ules?

I like my wine, okay?

So f***ing sue me.

And FYI, red wine

has a chemical called

resveratrol in it,

which has been proven

to significantly extend

human lifespan.

If you drink, like,

a thousand glasses a day,

yeah.

F*** you.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

Go to her.

Whoa.

What the hell

is going on with them?

Oh, my God.

What is going on with you?

It's this whole Paul thing.

It's just driving me

crazy, all right?

I feel like

he's taking over

my family.

No. He's...

Can I get you anything?

No thanks, no.

He's not. He's not.

Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry,

all right?

I guess I'm just exhausted.

Yeah, maybe you just

need to take some

time off, recharge.

Right?

Yeah, right.

Who's gonna pay

for that?

I mean, look,

I'm sorry,

but, you know, I feel

like I'm carrying

the whole load here.

Yeah, 'cause that's

the way you like it.

That's the way

you keep control.

What are you

talking about?

Come on,

you hated it

when I worked.

You wanted me at home

taking care of the kids.

You wanted a wife.

That is just not true.

No, you didn't like

any of the nannies,

and you sure didn't

back my career.

What are you talking about?

I just helped you start

another business.

Yeah, so you can feel

better about yourself.

No, Jules.

So you can feel better

about yourself.

Are you even attracted

to me anymore?

Would you

still like the wine?

No, thank you.

We'll just take the check

from inside, please.

Okay, no problem.

Oh, yeah. Pull my hair.

Okay. Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Ow!

I really want a cigarette.

I haven't smoked

since Laser was born.

Do you smoke?

Do you have a cigarette?

Sometimes,

but I don't have any.

I could go run out

and get you some.

Yeah. Yeah, no, no.

No, don't go.

God.

Do you think

I'm some sad-sack,

middle-aged lesbian?

You know, I have been trying

to come up with a way to

describe you to my friends,

and now I finally have it.

Thank you so much.

F*** you.

You want to get that?

No, no. I want

to get some of this.

Paul, it's Joni.

I just wanted to call you

and apologize for

my friend Sasha.

You know, when you put

your hands on her shoulders,

I think that

she thought that...

Hey, Joni. It's Paul.

Don't get that.

Listen, I'm really sorry

about Sasha the other night.

No, I didn't even...

No, no. No... Really,

I didn't even notice that.

I hope you didn't

feel uncomfortable.

No, not at all. I...

Not at all.

Okay, sure.

Well, as long as...

Hold on, hold on.

Wait, wait, wait.

No, just get off me.

I'm just gonna...

Give me one second.

Get off.

Jone?

Oh, is my mom there?

Your mom?

No, no. She split.

She went on

a Home Depot run.

Did you go to Home Depot?

Yeah. J ust got back.

That was fast.

Yeah, no lines.

What's that look

you're giving me?

What look?

The look that you're

giving me right now.

No. That's no look.

That's just my face.

Yeah,

I'm not gonna play

this game with you.

You know, you can

keep your judgments

to yourself.

No. I didn't give

no looks, seora.

I don't ask

why you blow your nose

all the time.

If you have a drug problem,

then that's your business.

No, I don't have

no drug problem.

I have allergies.

Then why are

you a gardener?

'Cause I love

the flowers.

Man, this is

not gonna work.

You know, I'm gonna pay you

through the end of the day,

and then we're through. Okay?

Thank you very much.

Thanks. Thank you.

Can we talk about...

No, we can't.

- A little bit.

- You know why?

'Cause there's nothing

to talk about.

I think you know.

You know.

Look.

I know you've all

been enjoying

your time with Paul.

And I know that I haven't

been as open to him

as everybody else,

and that's caused some

friction between us.

But I'd like to try

and change that, okay?

So I was thinking

it might be nice if

we all had dinner at

his house sometime.

Now that way,

I could get to know him

a little bit better,

and I could see all

the good work that Mom's

been doing in the backyard.

What do you think? Yeah?

Sure.

- Yeah.

- Sure.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Great.

It's not...

I'm not done yet.

You know,

I'm not, you know...

No. No, I know.

I haven't done all

the planting or anything.

But I wanna see

the process.

You know, like other colors,

other than green colors.

Well, that's okay.

I just wanna see

the process.

Great.

Hey.

- Need a hand?

- Sure.

Hold on.

Let me help you.

Ready? Okay.

Right here.

Yeah.

We can't be doing this.

I know. This is...

I'm married.

The kids.

Yeah, and I love Nic, so...

Hey.

I don't...

It was fun while it lasted.

Sorry.

I bought you

some cigarettes.

Jesus. What is

wrong with me?

I shouldn't have

fired Luis like that.

That was so wrong.

Yeah, I think you're

being hard on yourself.

You know, I mean,

things just get messed up

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