The King of Comedy Page #15

PUPKIN:

I'm sure it's all very nice.

RITA:

(gaily)

Well, there's only one way to find out.

RITA scampers over to the stairs and pauses on the first

step.

RITA:

You coming or not?

RITA bounds up the stairs.

PUPKIN:

Rita!

CAMERA FOLLOWS PUPKIN up the stairs.

CUT TO:

75 INT:
UPSTAIRS - DAY

There is no sign of RITA.

PUPKIN:

Where are you?

There is no answer. CAMERA FOLLOWS PUPKIN from room to

room. They are all guest rooms, neat, pretty, clean.

PUPKIN:

Come on, Rita. This isn't funny.

Finally, PUPKIN opens the door to another room.

CUT TO:

76 INT:
A BEDROOM - DAY

It is clearly LANGFORD's bedroom with a few clothes strewn

about, and other signs of being lived in. RITA lies on the

bed.

PUPKIN:

(shocked)

What are you doing, Rita?

RITA:

I love it! All those millions of

women out there dying to change

places with me right now.

PUPKIN:

Come on. We shouldn't be here.

RITA:

Relax, will you. Let me have a

little fun, for Christ's sake.

RITA gets off the bed and runs into the john.

CUT TO:

77 INT:
A LAVISH BATHROOM - DAY

RITA:

Look at this. It's nicer than my

whole apartment.

PUPKIN enters the large, beautifully done bathroom. RITA

examines her face in the mirror.

PUPKIN:

(urgently)

Let's go, Rita.

RITA:

Boy, I really need some sun.

PUPKIN:

Rita, this is Jerry's ...

RITA:

Lay off, will you, Rupert.

PUPKIN:

But we have no right ...

RITA picks up a can of shave cream and squirts a large

dollop in PUPKIN's face. WE COME IN for a CLOSE UP of

PUPKIN's face, buried under shaving cream.

PUPKIN:

That wasn't funny, Rita.

RITA hands him a towel.

RITA:

Here.

She looks around.

RITA:

Now for something that smells nice.

She swings open the cabinet with a flourish. The door

swings open violently and the mirror shatters against

something as pills and bottles tumble into the sink.

PUPKIN and RITA stand there, staring at each other. RITA

begins to laugh, but her laugh is cut short by the slam of

the downstairs door.

CUT TO:

78INT:
THE FOYER

LANGFORD has entered, drawn and businesslike. JONNO and

the COOK have moved out to greet him.

LANGFORD:

(looking around)

Where are they?

JONNO:

I was going to call the police but

then I thought to myself 'what if

they are Mr. Langford's friends?'

We hear some whispers and scuffling at the top of the

stairs. LANGFORD, JONNO and the COOK look up. PUPKIN

comes bounding down the stairs jauntily with RITA following

cautiously behind. PUPKIN has large traces of shaving

cream behind his ears and on his neck.

PUPKIN:

Hi, Jerry. We were just freshening up.

PUPKIN stops at the base of the stairs, turns around, and

waves RITA down.

PUPKIN:

(to RITA)

Come on, Rita. No need to be shy.

PUPKIN smiles conspiratorially at LANGFORD. RITA comes

slowly down.

PUPKIN:

Jerry, I'd like you to meet Rita

Keane. Rita, say hello to Jerry!

RITA:

(tentatively)

Pleased to meet you.

LANGFORD nods imperceptibly, his face tense, his eyes

alert. RITA, reading her frigid reception, looks to

PUPKIN who walks blithely past LANGFORD into the living

room, toward the bar.

PUPKIN:

What's your pleasure?

PUPKIN glances at the small mess he has left on the bar and

turns back to LANGFORD who has moved into the living room

with JONNO and the COOK a few steps behind. PUPKIN flashes

LANGFORD an apologetic smile.

PUPKIN:

(to LANGFORD)

We've already taken the liberty, so

to speak. Rita was a little nervous.

It isn't every day she meets someone

like you.

LANGFORD:

What's going on here?

PUPKIN:

We've been sitting around, waiting.

That's all. How was your golf game?

JONNO:

I told them you weren't here.

COOK:

That's right.

PUPKIN:

He did, Jerry. He was very helpful.

We had to take an early train. There

was nothing else until after one.

(pause) I brought the material.

It's upstairs, in my bags. (pause)

Where is everybody?

LANGFORD:

Who?

PUPKIN:

The other guests! (in a confidential

tone) We're getting a little hungry,

to tell you the truth.

LANGFORD:

(as though confirming

what PUPKIN said)

You are.

PUPKIN:

(backing off)

But we don't mind waiting, do we,

Rita?

RITA says nothing. She has sensed something terribly

wrong and is slowly backing away from PUPKIN.

LANGFORD:

You know, I could have you arrested,

both of you.

PUPKIN:

(seizing the idea)

You know you could! And there'd be

absolutely no way we could prove we

belonged here. I never thought of that.

LANGFORD:

Well, you should have before you ...

PUPKIN:

(still fixed on the idea)

Maybe we could work up a routine

about that, about a guy who throws

all his friends in jail. Let's talk

about that.

LANGFORD:

(sharply)

Let's not.

PUPKIN:

Sure, Jerry. Whatever you ...

LANGFORD:

(exasperated)

Look, if you've got something for

me to sign, let's have it and get

it over with so I can get back ...

PUPKIN:

(interrupting)

That wouldn't be right, Jerry.

Not in your own house!

LANGFORD:

(summoning his last

bit of patience)

I have a lot of work to get to.

(to JONNO) How did they get here?

PUPKIN:

We took a taxi, Jerry ... But don't

worry about us. You go ahead and

do your work and we'll just take a

stroll around until lunch is ready.

LANGFORD:

You're a little thick, aren't you?

PUPKIN:

(smiling as though complimented)

Well, maybe a ...

RITA:

What's he's saying, Rupert, is that he

wants us out.

PUPKIN:

Don't listen to her, Jerry. She

doesn't understand anything about us.

RITA:

Don't get me into this.

LANGFORD:

(to JONNO)

Call the station.

JONNO goes back into the foyer, followed by the COOK.

LANGFORD:

There'll be a cab here in a few

minutes. Now if you'll just wait

at the gate ...

PUPKIN:

Look, Jerry, if I've said anything

out of line, let's chalk it up to

inexperience, okay? I'll just go

upstairs and get my tape and we can

start working. It shouldn't take

long and then you'll have the rest of

the afternoon to yourself.

LANGFORD:

I've told you just as clearly as I

can. I want you out of here and I

want you out now. Scram, beat it,

vamoose, out! Is that plain enough!

RITA deftly pockets the enamel box.

PUPKIN:

But what about my material? When

are we going to go over it?

RITA:

Come on, Rupert, the man wants us

to go.

PUPKIN:

Tell her she's wrong, Jerry!

RITA:

Look, Mr. Langford. I didn't know

anything about all this. I hardly

know this guy. I haven't seen him

in years.

PUPKIN:

Rita!

RITA:

So if there's anything I can do, any

way I can make this up to you.

PUPKIN:

She's nothing, Jerry. She's just

some girl who works in a bar.

Don't let her spoil things.

LANGFORD starts herding RITA and PUPKIN towards the door.

LANGFORD:

Come on. Let's go.

PUPKIN:

All I'm asking is fifteen minutes.

That's all. Just long enough to

listen to my act. Is that asking

too much -- fifteen minutes of your

day against my whole life?

LANGFORD:

I'll call the police if I have to.

LANGFORD realizes he is being hard. He stops for a moment.

LANGFORD:

I have my own life, that's all.

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