The Kissing Bandit Page #3

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Fine. Fine.

Splendid.

Father, you seem quite pleased

about all this.

Pleased? Of course I'm pleased.

This time we will catch him.

At last, after all these women

he has kissed...

...there is one who will identify him.

Gomez.

I promise you, darling,

he will not only be caught...

...he'll be hung.

Gomez.

Take down this description.

Go ahead, darling.

Well, he was large and fat.

In fact, he was huge...

...and he was very old

and had little piggy eyes.

Little piggy eyes?

But you said he was nice-looking.

Did I? Well, it isn't as though

I saw his face, you see.

He wore a mask.

But you said he didn't wear a mask.

Oh, well, I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm tired and upset...

...and you keep me here answering

these silly questions.

Oh, Teresa, forgive me.

Go to your room and rest...

...and you are not to think anymore

about the Kissing Bandit.

There is nothing to be ashamed of.

After all, the man kisses

every woman he sees.

He kisses every woman he sees.

And now, Major Gomez...

...I would like to have

a little talk with you.

Excuse me,

but you're calling me Major Gomez...

...and everybody knows

I'm Colonel Gomez.

Oh, no, not anymore.

Not after what happened this afternoon.

- You are demoted.

- Why?

Because you are in terrible trouble,

Gomez.

- Am I?

- Mm-hm.

A new tax collector

is on his way from Spain.

- He'll be here any day.

- We never had trouble with tax collectors.

They come for the taxes,

they don't get them, they go back to Spain.

- It's very simple.

- Yes.

But this time, the king has sent

his right-hand man, Count Belmonte.

And Count Belmonte's orders

are to bring back...

...either the tax money or my head.

But, governor, if it's the tax money

or your head, how am I in trouble?

Oh, not that I wouldn't

be sorry, of course.

You'll be sorry...

...because with Count Belmonte

is a certain General Torro...

...who is the head

of His Majesty's secret police.

And General Torro is coming here...

...to see how much law and order

there is in California.

- And there isn't any.

- No.

No law, no order, just plenty of bandits.

Yeah, it's pretty terrible.

Do you know what General Torro

is gonna do with you...

...if he gets here before you capture

the Kissing Bandit?

- No.

- He's going to take you back to Spain...

...and put you in a little dark dungeon

with rats.

Then one day,

a man with a black hood over his head...

...is going to come in to garrote you.

- You know what that means?

- No.

To choke you until you are dead.

- No, no.

- Yes, yes.

Excuse me. I think I'd better go along now.

I don't wanna hear any more.

Well, Jose, is the child all right?

- Did she tell you everything?

- Of course she's all right.

Of course she told me everything.

Gentlemen,

I suggest you concern yourselves...

...a little more with the problem

of the tax money...

...and a little less with my daughter.

Juanita, what is the matter with you?

Oh, Senorita Teresa, forgive me,

but I'm so happy for you.

I just heard about your good fortune.

The whole hacienda's buzzing with it.

My good fortune?

Why, that you were kissed,

of course, by him.

Oh, senorita,

I understand what you must be feeling.

You see, I too had the honor.

You too had the honor?

Five years ago.

But I remember it like it was yesterday.

Juanita, is it true about him?

Does he kiss everybody?

That's what's so wonderful about him.

He has time for everyone.

No prejudice.

No one's too young. No one's too old.

Tell me, senorita...

...how long were you out?

- Out?

- After he kissed you.

Well, I...

I don't know.

Senorita Teresa, forgive me.

I know you must wanna be alone.

Everyone does afterward.

Oh, there's so much to think about.

What's wrong with me?

Why didn't he kiss me?

He had the chance for a romance

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

Why couldn't I thrill him?

He didn't feel I had appeal

What's wrong with me?

Maybe I'm not too exciting

I haven't the glamour he's had

Maybe I'm not too inviting

But I can't be that bad

What's wrong with me?

Why wouldn't he kiss me?

Why did he go?

I want to know

What's wrong with me?

Why wouldn't he kiss me?

I thought he might

How can I right

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

Why didn't I kiss her?

I had the chance for a romance

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

Why didn't I kiss her?

I didn't try

Why didn't I?

What's wrong with me?

She was a lot more exciting

Than all of the girls I have met

Her lips were awfully inviting

But mine played hard to get

What's wrong with me?

Why didn't I kiss her?

Why did she go?

I'd like to know

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with me?

Fine bandit you are.

Would Robin Hood have acted that way?

Or Romeo?

No. They would have followed her

right to the governor's hacienda.

They would have climbed the balcony.

That's what they would have done.

Climb the balcony.

Gonzales, Gonzales, over here.

Ricardo. Little one.

Ricardo.

If I steal a kiss, dear

I'll surely return it someday

If I steal your dreams, dear

I'll bring them back some way

If I take your moonlight

I'll bring it back more divine

But if I steal your heart, dear

I'll keep it close to mine

I'll bring it back more divine

But if I steal your heart, dear

I'll keep it close

To mine

I'll keep it close

To mine

Charge!

Ricardo.

- Chico?

- Sure, sure.

Come on. It's time to go.

Oh, but I can't run away.

- No?

- Yes.

- Where's Gonzales?

- He went home. He's no fool.

Come on.

Teresa, darling, are you all right?

Who was it?

Well, I don't know, Father.

I didn't see him.

I was sound asleep

and then I heard a lot of noise.

It was the Kissing Bandit.

It must have been.

Jose, how long are you going to let

this man insult you?

But he didn't insult father.

I mean, well,

if it was the Kissing Bandit...

...it was me he was singing to.

For that man to dare to serenade

the governor's daughter.

What I would like to do to him.

If ever I'm in a room with him,

I'll spit right in his little piggy eyes.

I will just tear him to pieces like...

It's all right.

I'll show you.

Where are you, idiot? You imbecile?

Are you calling me, Your Excellency?

Yes, I'm calling you, Captain Gomez.

Get on your horse. Get your men.

Follow him!

He's the Kissing Bandit.

Do you hear me, Captain Gomez?

Yes, Your Excellency. Aye, aye, sir.

- Captain Gomez?

Yes.

Captain Gomez.

Of all the foolish things to do.

Take a chance to spoil everything.

Just when I thought

you was going to do better.

You traitor, you.

Don't say another word to Gonzales.

He knew he wasn't smart to go

to the hacienda or to stay there even.

What was wrong with it?

Lot of people serenade girls

under balconies all the time.

But not the governor's balcony

and not the governor's daughter.

But, Chico, she's so lovely.

I had to see her again.

In your business,

you don't see anybody again.

You kiss and vamoose. That's all.

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