The Kissing Bandit Page #4

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I don't see why.

Many outlaws had steady girls.

- Look at Robin Hood and Maid Marian.

- No, you look, Ricardo.

There are hundreds of girls in California,

but only one governor's daughter.

And this one is not for you.

You found that out tonight.

- Well, she came out on the balcony.

- Sure, sure.

But they weren't shooting water

from those guns.

Little one,

I love you like you were my own son.

This you know.

But if I hear one more word about this girl,

I'm finished with you, this I mean.

Boola.

Where is Bianca?

She's upstairs, inside.

Keep Ricardo there for a little while,

then send him over to me.

All right, Chico.

I've been waiting for you, little one.

Chico, I'm sorry I worried you.

No, no, it's nothing. It's all forgotten.

Now, sit down.

I've got a little surprise for you...

...that will take all the foolishness

out of your head.

Wait.

I like you

If you like me

Go to work.

I like you

If you like me

Soon the moon will rise

There will be stars divine

If you are there

You'll be mine

I like you

If you like me

That was beautiful, miss.

- A wonderful dance.

- Thank you.

Where are you going?

Uh, I've got to put

this in some water.

What happened?

Where is Ricardo?

Ha had to put a flower in some water.

What?

You explain it to me.

Put that gun away, maybe they are guests.

Get out. All of you, keep out of sight.

You're the innkeeper? We desire rooms.

- We got no rooms.

- Nonsense. This is an inn, isn't it?

We are all full up. Please go away.

Peasant, do you know to whom

you are talking?

I'm Count Belmonte of Spain

of His Majesty's royal household.

And this, this is my aide, General Torro.

Torro.

I don't feel so good.

Now then, innkeeper,

show us rooms at once.

Your best rooms.

But, please, there is a better place

up the road about 17 miles.

They got fine rooms

and bigger rooms and...

And clean towels and...

And... And...

Sheets, even. And...

But they will not do for you

the things we will do.

Wait with that beautiful chest.

Do not scratch it.

Here, you are tired. I will help you.

Everything is gonna be fine.

This room here.

The peasant certainly changed

his mind in a hurry.

Torro.

Torro!

You're disgusting.

Sneeze and dribble, yawn and snore.

I've never seen such a man.

How can you be so mean

when I am so sick, Belmonte?

Please, can I go to sleep?

Go upstairs, find the innkeeper, have him

show you your room and go to bed.

I can't understand it.

Never in my life

did I ever have a cold before...

...until I come to California.

Hello.

Fetch me some wine.

Something fit to drink.

Why, yes, of course. I'll be glad to.

Why do you keep staring at me?

Never seen a gentleman before?

I've never seen

such beautiful clothes before.

The wine. The wine.

Yes, of course.

That's one of the finest swords

I've ever seen.

Must be a Toledo blade. And you have

the look of a man who knows how to use it.

- Well, really?

- Oh, yes.

I know a man who's had adventure

when I see one.

Many is the duel you must have fought

over some young maid.

Peon flunky,

how dare you sit in my presence.

Get up!

Get up before I cut your heart out.

You needn't be so rude about it.

I just wanted to have a little talk.

I didn't get angry when you

asked me to get the wine.

Get the innkeeper. Get him down here.

I'll have his heart and yours.

My mother was right.

Fine clothes do not make the gentleman.

Get the innkeeper!

Peasants.

Chico, what are you doing?

Ricardo, do you

want to kill your old friend? Shh.

You're not stealing from them?

Of course.

But these men are our guests.

We can't rob them in cold blood.

Ricardo, I am a simple

hard-working bandit.

If this is wrong,

why is it all right to rob the coach?

When you rob a coach,

there's adventure, there's danger.

But there's danger here too.

He might wake up, the fat man.

And he's bigger than me.

- Chico, for my sake, put the money back.

- Oh, no, no.

Please. For me.

- Let me help you.

- But it's a shame.

We gotta have a long talk

on the question of ethics.

Believe me, we gotta.

Oh.

I think I shall have you hung

outside the inn...

...as an example to the other peasants.

Get something to tie him with quick.

- But he's winning.

- Please, little one, don't argue with me.

Torro. Torro.

Torro.

How dare you.

Help, Torro, help.

Torro.

Torro!

Torro!

Shh.

Torro, you fool, wake up! Wake...!

What is that?

Ricardo, sit on him.

Everybody going, coming,

going someplace tonight.

Tie a few more knots in him.

I'll be right back.

You misunderstood.

We weren't taking the money.

We were putting it back.

- Are you the innkeeper?

- Yes, yes.

I'm Captain Gomez

of the governor's guard.

We're looking for the Kissing Bandit.

He's a man with little piggy eyes.

Oh, little piggy eyes? Well, he's not here.

My good man, do you take me for a fool?

I'm gonna search every room of this inn.

Cover every inch of ground.

I'll take upstairs.

Wait, captain. I wouldn't.

Because we got two very important guests

upstairs just arrived from Spain.

A Count Belmonte and a General Torro.

I wouldn't bother them

because they're all tied up right now.

Nonsense, nonsense.

Count Belmonte?

General Torro?

Men, men!

Men, new orders. Back to the hacienda.

We've got to tell the governor.

Come on, men, follow me.

All tied up.

I told him they were all tied up.

They don't know the joke.

I wonder why that Gomez was so scared

of these two, huh?

There must be a reason.

What is the matter?

- I have the funniest dream.

I dreamed that three men was fighting

and they tie me up with the rope and...

How do you like that? I'm still dreaming.

Go to sleep.

- Chico.

- What?

Chico, look.

"To the governor of California:

I introduce to you herewith Count Belmonte,

my personal tax collector...

...and General Torro,

chief of my secret police.

They will report on your activities to me

and bring me, once and for all, your taxes.

Their will is to be your law.

Signed, Alfonso. "

- Who is he?

- Alfonso the king.

Oh, Chico,

these are terribly important men.

- Then maybe we'd better shoot them, huh?

- No, you can't.

Those soldiers, you already told them

that these two are here.

That's right. But we cannot let them go.

They will snitch on us.

This letter will introduce them

to the governor.

Remember, please, remember...

...not one word about taxes today.

I've planned entertainment

for all day long.

Every moment filled.

So they won't have time to ask

about the money.

- Is that right, Isabella?

- Right, Jose.

Just keep them busy

and pray for a miracle.

Soldiers, you are in a very bad position.

You have to go this direction.

- Never mind about the soldiers.

- Never mind about the soldiers.

And musicians, go over this...

That's all right.

You're all right where you are.

And don't forget now,

play loud and long.

Not long, short.

- And I say short I mean...

- Your Excellency.

- You're demoted.

- Well, why? What did I do now?

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