The Kissing Bandit Page #5

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Nothing.

That's for nothing, Lieutenant Gomez.

Is that right, Isabella?

They're coming. They're coming.

Big, happy smiles, everybody.

Like this:

Ricardo, I don't know how to act.

They won't be fooled.

They'll take one look at me and shoot.

Chico, I know how gentlemen act.

I've seen them in the hotels

where I have worked.

Just do everything I do. Come on.

Fire.

It's a salute, in our honor.

In our faces.

Smile. Smile.

This is really living.

It may be dying.

This is a very charming room.

And now, gentlemen,

my most precious jewel:

My daughter, Teresa.

Teresa, I wish to present

His Majesty's emissaries.

Count Belmonte and General Torro.

Well, dear?

Count Belmonte...

...and General Torro?

Teresa, don't you have

anything to say to our guests?

But she don't need to.

She looks so nice

when she don't say nothing.

Thank you.

But she wants to say

it's a great honor to meet you.

Don't you, dear?

It's a great honor.

Perhaps the senorita had imagined me

as being quite different.

Very different.

And the difference is very pleasant,

isn't it, darling?

Yes, very pleasant.

Now, she's very anxious for you to try

our good California wine.

Aren't you, dear, yeah?

Yes, very anxious.

Father, if I could just go to my room.

Yes, dear.

Oh, general. The secret police.

What a dangerous life you must lead.

Believe me.

Count Belmonte, you don't know how

honored I am to have you under my roof.

What was that?

A joke.

A family joke.

A very funny one.

If the joke is finished, you can

tell us where the tax money is, huh?

- No.

- No?

Why, I wouldn't think of bothering now

right after you have arrived...

...when you are tired and weary

from your journey.

Certainly not.

Right now you should be entertained.

If you steal a kiss, dear

Please bring it back

With the dawn

But if you steal

My heart, dear

I'll know it's gone

Forever gone

Gone

Forever gone

Excellent. Excellent.

Fine. Fine.

Now we can go and get the taxes, huh?

Teresa, why don't we show our guests

the rest of the hacienda?

Wonderful idea. Why don't you show them

around the patio, Teresa, slowly?

I mean, so they can see all the flowers.

Yes, why don't you, senorita?

I think Aunt Isabella

better come along too.

She knows the Latin names of all

the flowers, don't you, Aunt Isabella?

- But, chief...?

- Come along, General Torro.

I'm coming right back.

How many flowers can there be?

Your Excellency. Your Excellency,

I'm very suspicious about something.

And it's one of your guests.

That General Torro.

I have a very definite feeling

I've seen him somewhere before.

What?

Oh, of course, I don't suppose

I could have seen him anywhere, could I?

After all, with me in California

and him in Spain.

Still, it does seem to me

that I've seen that face somewhere.

Gomez.

Well, I guess I couldn't have seen it

anywhere after all.

No, well, excuse me.

Maybe this other fellow was a relative.

Seems funny to have relatives

all over the country like that...

General Torro, you don't know how

wonderful it is for a woman like me...

...here in the wilds of this terrible California

to meet a man like you.

- What's the matter with California?

- Oh, the men here have no conversation.

But you, fresh from Spain,

must know all the latest gossip.

Tell me, what's new in Madrid?

Madrid?

Oh, the men are chasing the women.

The women are chasing the men.

The same as all over.

But they do it differently in Spain.

- They do? How?

General.

When the king told me I must come

to California, I thought how dreary...

...how very dull,

land of peasants and peons.

Stop it. You can just stop

being Count Belmonte right now.

Do you think I don't know

who you are, you...?

You, bandit, you.

Why are you here?

Did you come to rob my father?

No. No.

I suppose you're going to tell me

that you came here just to see me.

Well, yes.

Oh, what nonsense.

You had me in your power once and you...

You didn't...

You mean...

...I didn't kiss you.

- Why didn't you?

- Oh, anyone but you, senorita.

You were so lovely I just couldn't, I...

Then last night?

I had to find out if you were as lovely

as I remembered.

And you were.

And you are.

But I was told that the Kissing Bandit

had a habit of kissing people.

Well, of course. That's why I'm here.

But you shouldn't have come

to the hacienda like this.

It's terribly dangerous for you.

You might be killed.

Do you think I wouldn't risk my life

for a moment with you?

And besides, what if there is danger?

I live on danger.

Many a night, my men

and I have ridden for miles...

...to some far-off hacienda

where a lovely senorita is waiting.

Waiting to be serenaded by me.

- Many a night we've...

- Many a night, is it?

After all,

you see girls you want so often...

...that you must risk your life

almost every night.

- Oh, no, no.

- Oh, yes.

You kiss every woman you see.

And... And they love it.

- They swoon.

- But this is different.

It certainly is different.

First, if I were one

of the women you kissed...

...I wouldn't swoon, I'd scream.

And second, I just wouldn't be

one of the women you kiss. Not ever.

Do you hear me? Not ever.

But, senorita, please, listen to me.

- You better leave before I tell my father.

- But if you'll only...

Furthermore, don't you dare speak to me

unless it's necessary.

I think you're a...

I think you're...

What's more, I don't even like you.

"Many a night the lovely senoritas

are waiting. " Well!

I wonder what I said that was wrong.

All right, I looked at all the flowers,

now let's look at all the taxes.

Chico, we'd better forget

about the taxes and get out of here.

Forget about the... Now?

When we got the money

right under our nose?

What's the matter with you? Why?

Is it that girl?

Well, things haven't been going

the way I planned.

I don't think she likes me.

Sit down.

Little one, no one's around,

so tell me something man to man.

Have you...?

Have you had much to do with women?

Not much.

Ricardo, tell me the truth.

Before you kissed Teresa,

did you ever kiss anyone else?

And you know something else,

man to man?

I didn't even kiss Teresa.

Now we gotta stay here.

And believe me, I'm not speaking

about the money...

...but a kissing bandit

who never kissed a woman.

It's no good for your reputation,

your father's reputation.

We gotta do something.

You gotta start right now with this girl.

- But, Chico, she doesn't like me.

- She doesn't like you?

- Who said she didn't like you?

- She did.

She did? What does she know about it?

Women always say no, as I remember.

- Well, maybe sometimes they mean it.

- Now, Ricardo, listen.

They always want to say yes.

But when they are little girls

their mothers tell them:

"Don't make it easy. Make it tough. "

So, you gotta make eyes a little...

...flirt a little, waste a little time.

Then they say yes always.

This I do remember.

Maybe you're right.

Perhaps I've been a little too quick.

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