The Ladies Man Page #8

[ Scrap ]

Don't drink so much whiskey, girl

It ain't no good for you

You know you're too pretty, girl

You don't know

what whiskey can do to you

Talk to her, Lord.

Please talk to her.

I told you

we were a lot alike.

It's all right, baby.

Men are pigs.

The only way to deal with them

is booze.

Booze... and penicillin.

I swear, I never thought

I could be taken in again...

by another insincere man.

Easy. Easy, girl. That's one

rambunctious guzzle you got there.

I drank that one

for Leon's one true love.

Rot in hell,

Honey DeLune.

In hell!

Did you say that woman's name

was Honey DeLune?

That's what she said.

If that's her name,

Leon is in a whole lot of trouble.

Why is that?

That's the wife of the dude

who wants to kill Leon.

- Somebody wants to kill Leon?

- Mm-hmm.

' M'! Leon?

- '(up

[Men Chanting]

Lance! Lance! Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

Lance! Lance!

- Lance! Lance! Lance! Lance!

- I am going to wrestle you.

You really don't

have to do this.

I was just saying to your wife Honey

that I'm a changed man.

And if I can have the self-control

to not bone a lady as fine as she is-

She can do that amazing thing

with her tongue--

that should be reason enough

to let me go.

[All Groaning]

[Chanting]

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Oh, yes.

I'm going to enjoy this.

- [Chanting Dies Down]

- Oil?

- No, that's all right.

- Oh.

Well, I- I'm still

going to enjoy this.

But definitely not as much.

And that makes me angry.

-I am a master of Greco-Roman wrestling.

-[All] Yeah!

I will crush you,

and you will learn

a new definition of pain!

- Totally! Yeah!

- All right!

Sure you don't want a dab? It's

a lemon essence, and it is delightful.

- Mm.

- [Honey]Ah--

You'd better take the oil, Leon.

It's pretty rough without the oil.

- No, that's all right. Im good.

- Okay. Suit yourself.

And Lance, dear,

can you kick ass quietly?

10-4, apricot.

Now, Leon Phelps,

prepare to meet your doom.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Cry havoc,

and set free the dogs of war!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

Vengeance is mine!

Aa-aah!

[All Groaning]

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh!

- [Whimpers]

- [All 1 O-O-Ohh!

- Ow! You punched me.

- Yeah.

That is not wrestling!

Hello!

That is not wrestling!

Hello!

- [Grunts]

- [Weeping]

Boss, you want us

to let him go now, or-

- He's got a gun!

- What, are you crazy, round boy?

No, we don't let him go!

Get back in there!

This guys ruined my life!

Get me the bolt cutters.

- This man has stolen our manhood

- Cuckoo!

It's time to take it back.

- Cut his balls off!

- Wait a second!

- Aarrgh!

- Before you do what you're about to do,

there's something

I want to say, all right?

Now listen. All you men

here with wives or girlfriends...

or sisters or mothers,

yes, I did sex them up

a little bit.

- Kill him!

- There's something else I wanna say.

In most cases,

it was really good.

- [All ] Kill!

- No, hold on!

I didn't force myself

onto your women.

I simply gave them somethin'

that you all wasn't givin' them.

- Like Frank. You, for instance.

- Yeah?

- Your wife, she loves you, man.

- She does?

Yes. She always used to call your name

when I was rockin' on top of her.

- She did?

- Yeah. And Hal.

- Me?

- Hal, Hal, Hal.

All your old lady ever wanted was you

to spend time gettin' her in the mood.

- Really?

- Yeah. And you never did, did you?

- Say it loud.

- No.

You see?

And Lance.

Well, Lance, you're clearly gay.

There's nothing really else to say

about that. I think you all know that.

That's cool. But you were tryin' to

oil me up, and that's not really cool.

You all need to listen

to your ladies.

You need to say to her, Baby,

what is it that you want?

Or, Do you want

to do it in the butt?

No? Well, let's move onto somethin'

else. You just need to listen.

I know that now, because I,

too, have a woman that I love.

Her name is Julie,

and I never listened to her.

I was too busy trying to be

" Leon Phelps, The Ladies Man, "

instead of Leon Phelps,

the man.

- Leon--

-just a second,Julie, I gob-Julie!

That was beautiful.

You're not getting off

the hook this time.

- No, Lance, no!

- [Barney] Lance, Lance.

Nuts!

Al's right.

- Hey, hey! Watch it!

- He's not the prob/em.

l-I'm the problem.

Look what it's done to us.

- It's turned us crazy!

- [All ] Whoa! Whoa!

I'm sorry, Lance.

I'm going home.

[ Gun Thuds]

No-o-o!

No!

[All ]

Lance!

Lance!

Lance!

- I'm sorry. That was way too dramatic.

- [Relieved Laughter]

I'm actually with these guys.

You're all right in my book.

- See you later.

- Take care.

[ Chorus Vocalizing]

[ Lester]

Well, there goes Leon Phelps.

His days as the fastest and loosest Wang

in town may be over,

but it's not the end

of his story by along shot.

In fact, he got--

- Hi.

- Hi.

- [ Laughs] Let's go.

- Yes. Let's.

[ Lester Narrating]

In fact, Leon got his show back.

His popularity grew and grew until he

was one of the biggest deejays in town.

His face appeared on the nation's

most popular brand of hog balls.

Ladies Man became America's

number-one radio talk show.

Your husband is a little insecure

because he's retirin', that's all.

Don't worry. It's a passing thing.

Okay, Hillary?

Now, I will see you and Bill

this weekend. Okay? Bye-bye.

You're listening to The Ladies Man,

the coast-to-coast love line...

with all the right responses

to your romantic queries.

And I think we got time

for one more call.

- [Woman] Hello? Ladies Man?

- Hey, it's a lady.

How do you know when you're really,

truly in love?

That's a good question.

I can tell you how I felt

when I knew I was truly in love.

It happened when

I met someone...

that made everything

that I enjoy in life...

a little bit

more special.

Plus, I felt it

in my pants.

Well. that is

all the time we have.

Until next time,

this has been The Lad/es Man.

Get up on the downstroke

Everybody get UP a'

Everybody get UP a'

Get up on the downstroke

Yeah, yeah

0-0-Oh, baby

Oh,

I Baby' d'

Sexy situation

Givin' you old-school love

Ooh, yeah

Anything you can think of

'P Yeah, Oh -.---~...--~

All right

Yeah, yeah

,1' Yeah ,1'

Yeah, baby

J Oh',

Yeah, baby

Oo-oo-ooh

Right in front of me

Right before my eyes

,1' All this time ,1'

Like the stormy sea

Reaching for the sky

,1' All this time ,1'

,1' After all this time ,1'

I looked into your eyes

And I fell

so in love with you

- Hey, hey, hey

- You know it took some time to see

That you were meant for me

- .1' Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh

- 'P / was made for you...

,1' All this time ,1'

Right in front of me

Right before my eyes

Hey, yeah

,1' All this time ,1'

Like the stormy sea

Reaching for the sky

,1' All this time ,1'

Right before my eyes

Hey, yeah

,1' All this time ,1'

Like the stormy sea

Reaching for the sky

I' thiS time f.

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