The Lady Eve Page #2

I could call you Popsie. Hopsie Popsie.

That's all I'd need.

Here's a business I wouldn't mind.

I never realized how lovely it could be.

Oh, thank you.

We'd better get back now.

Yes, I guess so.

You see, where I've been... I mean,

up the Amazon, you kind of forget how...

I mean, when you haven't seen

a girl in a long time...

I mean, uh, there's something

about that perfume that...

- Don't you like my perfume?

- Like it? I'm cockeyed on it.

Why, Hopsie, you ought

to be kept in a cage.

The nerve of some people.

Ah, there you are.

It certainly took you long enough

to come back in the same outfit.

I'm lucky to have this on.

Mr. Pike has been up a river for a year.

- Now, look, I...

- Pay no attention to my daughter.

It always comes out

in the women of our family.

- The men are all missionaries,

with the exception of myself.

- And what an exception.

- Won't you have a drink with us?

- Just a brandy. You have it with me.

- Three brandies.

- Yes, sir.

Have you seen this one?

- Oh, he does card tricks!

- In a small way, of course.

Well, bless my soul.

Do that again, will you?

Amazing.

How do you do it?

You palm it in this hand. You grip it

in the palm of the hand like this.

- It takes a good deal of practice.

- I can well imagine it might.

Amazing. It's good I know who you are

or I wouldn't play cards with you.

Sir?

- You didn't really think that, uh...

- Oh, of course not, silly.

- You look as honest as we do.

- Three brandies.

- Washington and Valley Forge.

- Dewey and Manila.

Napoleon and Josephine.

- Say, how about a rubber of bridge?

- You're probably too good for us.

I don't have to play my best.

Besides, playing with you...

- would always be a pleasure.

- Aren't you sweet?

Who'll we get for a fourth?

Isn't there a three-handed game?

I seem vaguely to remember having...

Of course there is, and it'll be

much cozier. Will you shuffle?

- Well, I'll try.

- Every man for himself.

- I, uh, what?

- Um.

Oh. Well...

You go up the Amazon for a year,

and then you come out and meet you...

- I'll be a cockeyed cookie pusher!

- Ha!

- What's the matter now?

- Come on, deal them shingles.

You don't happen to have some beautiful

damsel pining for you, do you?

- That often explains it.

- Come on. Let's go.

- I really feel very guilty about this.

- Don't let it worry you.

It's a good thing we're not playing for

money, or I'd have you in bankruptcy.

- This last hand alone...

- Weren't we playing for money?

Of course not.

I never play for money.

We always play for money. Otherwise,

it's like swimming in an empty pool.

- Lf you count that last redouble, it's...

- Nonsense, my boy.

- At ten cents a point?

- At ten cents a point?

Purely nominal.

Now, let me see. Five, ten...

- You'll ruin us.

- Four ninety-eight. Roughly $500.

- Oh, wait a minute.

- Father's in the oil business.

It just keeps bubbling up

out of the ground.

- I thought with the title of colonel...

- Purely honorary.

- How much do I owe the sucker?

- Now, let me see. Two, four, six...

Who's that funny-looking

gink watching us?

- Everything on the up-and-up?

- Everything's okay. Go to bed.

I'm way ahead.

- All right.

- Who's that, your nurse?

That's Muggsy.

My father took him off a truck

when I was a kid to look out for me.

Kidnappers, stuff like that.

He's been sort of a bodyguard, governess

and a very bad valet ever since.

He saved my life once in a brawl.

- Roughly $100.

- That's rough enough.

- Since I had no understanding that...

- Don't worry. I'll get it back.

- Well, if that's a promise.

- You can depend upon it.

- I'll certainly feel better.

- You certainly will.

I think I'll toddle off...

and leave you young people to talk

about whatever young people talk about.

- I'm awfully sorry about this.

- Beeswax, my boy, beeswax.

- Good night, Jeanie.

- Good night, darling.

- He's a nice fellow, your father.

- He's a good card player too.

You think so?

I don't want to be rude,

- but he seemed a little uneven.

- He's more uneven sometimes than others.

That's what makes him uneven.

But now you, on the other hand,

with a little coaching,

you could be terrific.

- Do you really think so?

- Yes, you have a definite nose.

I'm glad you like it.

Do you like any of the rest of me?

Oh, what I meant was

in the card-playing sense...

I know what you meant.

I was just flirting with you.

Oh.

You're not going to faint,

are you?

Who, me?

Uh, it's that perfume.

Oh.

Do you think they're

dancing anyplace on board?

Don't you think

we ought to go to bed?

You're certainly a funny girl

for anybody to meet...

who's just been up

the Amazon for a year.

Good thing you weren't

up there two years.

Come on.

Good night.

- I'm afraid we're on the wrong deck.

- Isn't that a coincidence?

- For heaven's sake, here's my cabin.

- Fantastic!

Would you care to come in and see Emma?

That's a new one, isn't it?

- Shh. I don't want to wake her up.

- Wake who up?

- Emma.

- Emma? I thought that was just a gag.

Technically,

she's a Columbrina Marzditzia,

which seems to be a rare type

of Brazilian glass snake, which I'm...

- A snake!

- She seems to have got out again.

- She's out?

- Well, don't worry.

She's around here someplace.

- Let me out of here!

- Oh, don't be frightened.

She's as playful as a kitten.

You mustn't really...

Don't do that!

How's that going...

I'm sorry. I wouldn't have frightened

you for anything in the world.

- Why didn't you tell me...

- I thought you understood.

How could I understand? Why should

I suspect an apparently civilized man...

- Please.

- Oh. Look under the bed.

- How could she possibly get down here?

- Please!

- Oh, all right.

- Please.

- Oh!

- It's just a stocking.

If you see any more, just leave

them there. Now, look in the bed.

- In the bed? How could she possibly...

- Oh, go on now.

- You know how fast we came down,

i i

so you can magne...

- Oh!

It's nothing, but it might

have given you a shock.

- Nothing like a cold hot water bottle.

- Oh!

They would have had

to bury me at sea.

Come over here and sit down

beside me. Oh.

- Comfortable?

- Yes, very.

Oh, sorry.

Hold me tight.

Oh, you don't know

what you've done to me.

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

I wouldn't have frightened you

for anything in the world.

I mean, if there's anyone

in the world I wouldn't have wanted to,

it's you.

You're very sweet.

Don't let me go.

Thank you.

How was everything up the Amazon?

A- All right, thank you.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing.

Are you always going

to be interested in snakes?

Well, snakes are my life in a way.

What a life.

Oh, I-I suppose

it does sound sort of silly.

I mean, I suppose I should have

married and settled down.

I imagine my father

always wanted me to.

As a matter of fact,

he's told me so rather plainly.

I just never cared

for the brewing business.

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