The Lady Eve Page #8

on the estate, a gay dog.

- A great hand with horses and ladies.

- A coachman?

- Yes. A man who drives horses.

- I know what a coachman is.

- They called him "Handsome Harry. "

- Handsome Harry?

- Shhh!

- The father of the girl on the boat.

Of course. The father of the other

child. After the divorce, of course.

- But they looked exactly alike.

- We must close our minds to that fact.

It brings up the dreadful,

unfounded suspicion...

we must carry to our tombs,

as it is utterly untenable,

that the coachman

in both instances... need I say more?

- He did! I mean, he was!

- Shhh!

Do you want to bring the walls

tumbling down about our ears?

Silence to the grave,

and even beyond.

Oh, there you are

in your nice white coat.

Would you like to come

and talk to me?

I certainly would.

- And I want to apologize

for seeming clumsy.

- Oh, that's quite all right.

As a matter of fact,

I rather enjoyed it.

I'm not that way all the time.

Of course you're not.

Now where should we go?

- Oh, there's a conservatory.

- Jolly. Ooh!

- What's the matter?

- Oh, I'm caught.

I'm glad it's not my fault this time.

There you are.

All clear.

Entirely disgraceful. I've never seen

such a farce in a respectable house.

If I didn't hate him so much,

I would've felt sorry for him.

He certainly took

some nice falls.

And he's gonna take

a lot more too.

Do you know why

he didn't recognize me?

- Yes.

- No, you don't.

I hardly recognized him myself.

He seemed shorter and bonier.

It's because we don't

love each other anymore.

You see, on the boat we had

an awful yen for each other,

so I saw him as very tall

and very handsome.

He probably thought I had big

melting eyes and a rosebud mouth...

and a figure like Miss Long Beach,

the dream of the fleet.

So you have, for that matter.

But I took the further precaution

of telling him the plot...

of"Cecelia, "or "The Coachman's

Daughter, "a gaslight melodrama.

- No!

- Yes.

I've got to protect myself.

I've got a shouting interest round here.

So I filled him full of handsome

coachmen, elderly earls...

young wives and the two little girls

who looked exactly alike.

You mean he actually

swallowed that?

Like a wolf. Well, now you've got him,

what're you gonna do with him?

Finish what I started.

I'm going to dine with him,

dance with him,

swim with him,

laugh at his jokes,

canoodle with him,

and then one day

about six weeks from now...

Some red roses for Your Ladyship.

- Who could they be from?

- Mr. Charles Pike, Your Ladyship.

Oh, the brewer's son.

Oh, rather long, aren't they?

- Just pop them in the umbrella stand.

- Very good, milady.

Thank you.

I'll probably talk like

a cockeyed duchess the rest of my life.

It won't even take six weeks.

One day about two weeks

from now, we'll be riding in the hills,

past waterfalls

and mountain greenery,

up and down ravines and around

through vine-covered trails...

till we come to a spot where

the scenery will be so gorgeous,

it will rise up and smite me

on the head like a hammer.

And the sunset

will be so beautiful,

I'll have to get off my horse

to admire it.

And as I stand there against

the glory of Mother Nature,

my horse will steal up behind me

and nuzzle my hair.

And so will Charles, the heel.

- Stop that!

- Must I?

- Oh, sorry.

I thought it was the horse.

- No, it was me.

- Eve?

- Yes, Charles?

I suppose you know

what I'm thinking about.

Possibly I have an idea.

The union of two people for life...

that is, marriage...

shouldn't be taken lightly.

How wise you are!

Men are more careful in choosing a

tailor than they are in choosing a wife.

That's probably

why they look so funny.

No, they're more careful in choosing

a tailor than in choosing a wife.

- Oh. But not you, Charles.

- That's right.

I think that if there's

one time in your life to be careful,

to weigh every pro and con,

that this is the time.

Oh, yes, you...

You can't be too careful.

That's right.

Now, you might think that having

known you such a short time...

I... I feel

I've known you always.

That's the way

I feel about you.

I don't just see you here

in front of the sunset,

but you seem to go way back.

I see you here and,

at the same time,

further away and still further away

and way, way back...

in a long place like a...

like a forest glade?

That's right.

How did you guess?

Because that's where I see you always.

We held hands way, way back.

That's remarkable.

That's like telepathy.

Ohh. I can read

many of your thoughts.

Well, then I need hardly

tell you of the doubts I've had...

before I brought myself

to speak like this.

You see, Eve,

you're so beautiful.

You're so fine. You're so...

I don't deserve you.

Oh, but you do, Charles.

If anybody ever deserved me,

you do... so richly.

- Eve.

- Charles.

But you can't do that!

You'll get us all into trouble!

You'll jeopardize what has

taken me years to build up!

I'll certainly

telephone your father.

Did she look pretty?

She did, eh?

Well, thanks, Pearlie.

Very depressing having your own

daughter married, and not be there.

- Especially under an assumed name.

Is that legal?

- Seems to be.

Women change their names so much anyway,

it doesn't seem to matter.

- But why did she do it?

- Maybe to teach him a lesson.

How? All she said is:

"You'll see. Wait till the time comes,

and it won't be long now. "

And now she's honeymooning

on a train with a man she hates.

- Maybe she's going to shoot him.

- She's afraid of guns.

Maybe she's going to push him

out of the window.

No. You can't open

a window on a train.

Come in.

- Hello.

- Hello.

It's cozy, isn't it?

Ohhh, you poor darling!

Oh, did you hurt yourself?

- Oh, put it right there.

- It's all right.

Oh, come sit down.

Oh, poor darling.

Are you all right?

- Yeah.

- Oh.

What are you laughing at?

Oh, it's nothing, darling.

It's just that it's so different.

- It reminds me of that other time.

- What time was that?

Oh, I must be a little bit hysterical.

You see, we didn't have any money,

so we went third class,

and there was a farmer on the opposite

bench with cheese in his lap.

Haven't you ever noticed I never

eat cheese? It was very unromantic.

- Where were you going?

- We eloped.

- Who eloped?

- Me. It was really nothing, darling.

I was only 16 at the time.

You know how romantic young girls are.

It wasn't of the slightest importance,

I assure you. I'm sorry I mentioned it.

Let's pretend I didn't.

Kiss me, and that's all there is to it.

Now it's all finished,

isn't it?

Who did you elope with?

Oh, now I've planted

a seed in your mind.

Are you sure

you want to know?

Oh, why don't we just

forget the whole thing?

Who was it?

- Angus.

- Angus?

Oh, I assure you he was

no one of the slightest importance.

Oh, what a way to make me spend

the wedding night.

Oh, he was just a groom

on father's estate.

- A groom!

- Well, not really the groom, of course.

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