The Lady Is Willing Page #7

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for the first time.

And I sent my first report

to the Guggenheim Foundation

a couple of weeks ago.

And?

I got this letter from them.

That's wonderful.

$5,000.

I paid Buddy everything

it's cost you so far. And

the rent for the year.

That means we're on our own,

the rabbits and I.

I don't like Victor.

You in love with him?

Oh, no, of course not.

He kissed you.

Of course.

He kisses everybody.

He's an actor.

I guess I'm in the wrong profession.

I don't think so.

You know, this is fun.

Why don't we do this more often?

Yeah, why don't we?

A Pol Roger '29.

The biggest we have, sir.

Oh, that's big enough.

Well, this is it.

Are you sure?

Sure I'm sure. Isn't it?

Uh-huh.

All good things must come to

an end sometime. As somebody

must've said before me.

Doctor McBain,

you need some milk. Oh!

I don't like milk.

You don't like milk?

No.

Could you describe it for me.

I what?

Oh, you prescribed it for me.

Oh, I did?

Well, I've never been wrong.

Milk it is.

Unless there's some beer.

Let's go and look, huh?

Oh, your hat fell off.

No beer.

No beer?

No beer.

All right. Milk.

But I don't like it.

This was a most entertaining

evening, Doctor McBain.

I found out so many things about you.

You did?

Things I never would have suspected.

A, you know how to laugh.

B, you're a wonderful dancer.

Thank you.

You don't hum the music

off-key in your partner's ear,

you don't hike up

her dress in the back.

If I'm that good, get rid

of that Victor and hire me.

I could do all that stuff.

You can't sing.

Strange things...

Strange thing. One thing.

Oh, one thing?

Strange thing

Strange thing

Stars above

Read and foretell

Isn't that the wrong key?

That's pretty high.

Maybe if I did it in full voice.

Read and foretell

What's the matter?

I think I heard the baby.

One of Doctor McBain's sternest

instructions to mothers is never

disturb the baby at night.

Did I?

Did I what?

Did I disturb the baby at night?

I don't know.

Foretell

Let's look. Let's look.

Come, come.

Foretell

Read and fore...

Liza...

This sounds like one of those things

people say without meaning it,

but I had a swell time.

Thanks for a grand evening.

I had a wonderful time too.

Shh!

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight.

Liza?

Yes?

I've been thinking about

something else.

It's really none of my business,

but you know Victor?

Yes.

In the last act where he kisses you,

do you really kiss him

or just sort of...?

Oh, we just fake it.

Oh, you do, huh?

I'm glad to hear that.

You know, when a fella takes

a girl out, and particularly

when he buys her champagne,

he's supposed to be

allowed to kiss her

goodnight.

It's an old custom,

it's practically mandatory.

Are you sure it's a custom?

Yeah, I'm sure.

All right.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

You better let Victor keep his job.

Morning, Mary Lou.

Morning, Miss Liz.

Don't be cross

on such a lovely morning,

Mary Lou.

What you doing up at such an hour?

Getting the doctor's breakfast myself.

You got a happy

look on your face.

Mary Lou, get me a frying pan.

Stop being so inquisitive.

Doctor McBain.

Who is it?

Frances.

Oh, Frances.

Shut the window, will you?

Frances?!

What are you doing here?

Why, I live in the building, chump.

Imagine my surprise

when I discovered that my

ex-husband has been awarded $5,000.

So I came to congratulate you.

You could've dressed for it.

You didn't want me to put on

a cap and gown just because

your rabbits won a fellowship.

Go away!

Corey, why don't you get

a photographer who doesn't make

you look like an unhealthy potato?

What's the matter with it?

You always used to like that picture.

Frances, go away!

You can't have any money.

Darling, I didn't say

anything about money.

You don't have to. You look money!

Your every move is venal.

$5,000 is a lot of lettuce.

They couldn't eat that much,

could they?

Frances, look. I'm married.

Very happily married.

If you want to congratulate me,

send me a telegram.

I just came to tell you

I've been invited

down to South America.

Good!

And $500 would help,

if you'd give it to me.

I wouldn't give you an old rusty

razorblade to let down a hem with!

Oh, Corey, you're still bad-tempered.

Why don't you go and chat

around somebody else's bed?

I'm gonna take a shower.

So you won't give me

the $500, huh?

No!

You could ask your wife for it.

No!

Well, could I use your phone?

No!

Morning, sergeant.

Isn't it a lovely morning?

Hello, operator? I wanna put in

a long-distance call

to Buenos Aires. Mm-hm.

Corey?

Uh-oh, here we go.

Gee, Corey, I didn't mean

to get you into any...

Where's that key?

I don't know. I ain't never seen it.

Hello. What are you

doing up so early?

Send a carpenter up. Close the show.

Again?

Give me the janitor.

How soon can we start

the tour in Boston?

We cancelled twice.

Somebody with a hammer then!

How soon can we open in Boston?

I told you. We've cancelled twice.

And tell him to bring

some chicken wire!

Tuesday?

Could be. You'll have to close tonight.

All right, close tonight!

Liza?

What is it?

The baby has something

wrong with his ear...

Well, call a doctor!

Buddy, come back here!

If you let that phoney rabbit-breeder

stick his nose in here,

I'll break all your bones!

Go on, call a doctor!

Ken, put up closing orders!

You serious?

Yes, I'm serious!

Get the house doctor!

What's our doctor done?

Ken, get tickets for

the midnight train tomorrow.

Come on, you two!

Don't just stand there

like pigs in a mud puddle!

Get out of that mud puddle.

Hello, is there a doctor in the house?

I mean, I want the house physician.

Liza...

Whoa, wait a minute!

I don't know what this is all about,

but it's the hottest marriage

of convenience I've ever seen.

Let it cool down a little.

Liza thinks...

No, she doesn't, not often.

She just reacts with her heart,

and right now, she's reacting.

Buddy, I gotta...

Look, look, look!

Be a good boy scout and go away.

Buddy's been a long time around here,

been through everything.

Let me handle this.

You're new in this family.

Tell her she happened to be in...

I mean, on my bed.

I thought she'd gone.

I was really taking a shower.

That sounds a little

complicated, but I'll try.

Make her understand.

Please beat it now! Scram!

Doctor Jones?

Come right this way, please.

Yes, I know it's short notice.

As a matter of fact,

it isn't any notice at all.

No, I don't know

why she suddenly

wants to go to Boston.

Maybe she's hungry for beans!

You've got to get it set up

there by Tuesday night at 8.30!

If you have to take every piece of

scenery by donkey cart and stick it

together on-stage with mayonnaise!

I don't care if the Shuberts...

No, not a week from Tuesday.

Tuesday. Saturday, Sunday,

Monday, Tuesday. OK?

Oh! I can't let you go in there.

What's the doctor doing?

She's so upset with

the baby, sickly and all.

Butch is sick?

Yes, sir.

Nothing to worry about.

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