The Ladykillers Page #6

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ON THE ROOF, QUICKLY!

COVER THE BACK!

NOW, NOW, LOUIS.

WELL, DON'T GET EXCITED.

OH, MY WORD!

PROFESSOR, MAY I ASK YOU

- NO, THANK YOU, MRS. WILBERFORCE. NO TEA. THANK YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING? PROFESSOR!

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CELLO CASE?

I'LL HAVE THAT, MR. ROBINSON. I

GAVE MRS. WILBERFORCE OUR WORD...

THAT NO ATTEMPT WOULD

BE MADE TO REMOVE THE MONEY.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU!

BE SENSIBLE, OLD MAN. YOU

DON'T THINK I'D WALK OUT ON YOU?

THE IDEA IS PREPOSTEROUS.

YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT.

LOUIS! OH, NO.

LOUIS, OLD CHAP. PLEASE.

NO. DON'T. NO. LOUIS,

LOUIS! NO. LOUIS, LOUIS!

IT WON'T DO ANY HARM TO TELL YOU NOW.

MAJOR COURTNEY HAS GONE FOR THE POLICE.

THEY'LL BE HERE SHORTLY.

OH, WHATEVER'S THAT?

I EXPECT SOMETHING FELL OFF THE

ROOF. MAYBE A CHIMNEY POT. THE ROOF!

A CHIMNEY POT.

SEE WHO IT IS, HARRY.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS

WHEN THE POLICE GET HERE.

IT'S LONG PAST MY BEDTIME, AND

I'VE HAD A MOST EXHAUSTING DAY.

WELL, WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS

THE MAJOR? IS HE UP THERE STILL?

NO, NO. HE, UH-

HE COME DOWN.

- WELL, BRING HIM HERE.

- HE COME DOWN WITH THE CHIMNEY POT.

THE CHIMNEY-

IS HE HURT?

I SHOULDN'T THINK

HE FELT A THING.

I JUST DECIDED SOMETHING.

I DECIDED I CHANGED MY MIND.

I AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHY NOT?

YOU'RE IN THIS AS MUCH AS

WE ARE. IT'S TOO LATE NOW,

ONE ROUND,

TO HAVE A MIND TO CHANGE.

- THIS IS A HANGING MATTER, ONE ROUND.

- WHY IS IT A HANGING MATTER...

FOR DOING THE MAJOR ANY MORE THAN

IT IS FOR DOING MRS. LOPSIDED, EH?

- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

- COME ON.

LISTEN, I DREW THE MATCH LAST TIME,

DIDN'T I? I TOOK MY CHANCES, DIDN'T I?

I SAT THERE WHEN WE THOUGH THE MAJOR WAS DOING IT, OKAY?

I'VE HAD ENOUGH. IF WE WERE GONNA DO IT,

WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT AND GOT IT OVER WITH.

AHH, YOU'RE BEING STUPID.

OKAY, I'M STUPID,

BUT NOBODY:

TOUCHES MRS. LOPSIDED, NOBODY.

I SEE.

- MAYBE ONE ROUND IS RIGHT.

- WHAT?

AS ONE ROUND SAYS,

THE FIRST THING TO DO IS

TO LOSE THE POOR OLD MAJOR.

THERE'S A WHEELBARROW OUT THERE.

WOULD YOU MIND FETCHING IT, PLEASE?

WHAT FOR? THE MAJOR

HAS A TRAIN TO CATCH.

HARRY AND LOUIS ARE DESPERATE

MEN. WE MUST BE CAREFUL.

LET'S GET THIS CLEAR. NO ONE IS

RUNNING OUT NOW. THAT GOOSE HEAD IS-

UNRELIABLE... AND DANGEROUS.

I HAD TO SWEETEN HIM. THA LEAVES THE THREE OF US.

ALL RIGHT.

STOP THE CLOWNING,

WILL YA?

COME ON. ALL RIGHT, HARRY.

I'LL GIVE ONE ROUND A HAND.

YOU STAY WITH LOUIS.

TOO NOISY, EH?

NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, I CAN

MANAGE ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.

YEAH.

HELLO, MADAM.

WE'RE IN A TOUGH SPOT.

DON'T SHOUT OU OR ANY-

I THINK, ONE ROUND, YOU'D BETTER

FETCH THE CAR. HERE IS THE KEY.

THERE'S NO NEED

TO GO THROUGH THE HOUSE.

HEY, PROFESSOR. YOU WOULDN'T BE TRYING

TO GET ME OUT OF THE WAY, WOULD YOU?

DON'T BE STUPID, ONE ROUND.

DON'T CALL ME THAT.

JUST DON'T CALL ME STUPID.

JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!

HEY! HEY, WHAT ARE THEY DOIN' IN THERE?

NO, NO. IT WASN'T ME. YOU

DONE HER! YOU DONE HER! YOU-

- NO, LOOK! IT WAS HARRY! HE'S GO THE MONEY. HE'S GONE! - WHY, YOU-

YOU DONE HER!

NO, I NEVER-

AAH!

YOU DONE HER!

NO, I NEVER! WHERE'S YOUR

SENSE OF HUMOR, ONE ROUND?

OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR,

OH, DEAR!

I SAID NOBODY:

WAS TO DO HER!

I SAID- I SAID- I SAID NOBODY WAS

TO DO MRS. LOPSIDED! MR. HARVEY!

STOP THAT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? AND WHO

IS MRS. LOPSIDED, MAY I ASK?

WHERE'S MR. ROBINSON?

HE'S-

HE'S- HE'S OUTSIDE.

SOMEBODY TOOK THE KEY.

THE CELLO CASE HAS GONE.

IT'S, UH,

OUT THERE TOO.

WELL, BRING IT IN.

I FELL ASLEEP.

SOMEBODY TOOK THE KEY

OUT OF MY POCKET.

I'M VERY ANGRY. AS YOU

HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.

IT'S DISGRACEFUL, MRS. WILBERFORCE.

SHAMEFUL. MR. ROBINSON WILL ANSWER FOR IT.

I'LL TAKE THAT,

THANK YOU.

PROFESSOR MARCUS, THIS IS

ANOTHER BLACK MARK AGAINST YOU.

I SHALL CERTAINLY

TELL THE POLICE.

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- WHY, UH, I THOUGHT THEY DONE HER IN.

I THOUGHT HARRY DONE HER.

SO?

SO ALL RIGHT.

I MADE A MISTAKE.

- PUT HIM IN THE BARROW.

- NO.

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

YOU LOSE HARRY.

I'M STAYING WITH MUM.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA...

WHAT'S MAKING THOSE OFFICERS

SO LONG IN COMING?

ALL RIGHT. BUT AFTERWARDS, BEFORE WE

DO HER, WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

WHAT MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE SAID

ABOUT ALL THIS IF HE WERE ALIVE!

CAPTAIN WILBERFORCE

WAS IN THE MERCANTILE MARINES.

HE WENT DOWN WITH HIS SHIP,

OH, 29 YEARS AGO...

IN A TYPHOON:

IN THE CHINA SEA.

THESE THREE LITTLE CREATURES

WERE WITH HIM.

HE KEPT THEM IN HIS CABIN.

CAPTAIN WILBERFORCE...

MADE SURE THEY WERE

SAFELY ON THE LAST BOAT.

BUT HE HIMSELF REMAINED A THE SALUTE ON THE BRIDGE.

LOOK, UH,

I MAKE A PROPOSITION TO YOU.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM

IF YOU TAKE CARE OF HER.

- THAT'S A STRAIGHT 50-50

SPLIT, HUH? - NO, NO.

I WOULD RATHER IT WAS THE OTHER

WAY ABOUT. LET ME HAVE ONE ROUND.

YOU TAKE CARE OF MRS. "W." WAIT.

GUESS WHO'S NEXT.

WAIT A MINUTE, ONE ROUND.

DON'T SHOOT. DON'T SHOOT.

LOOK. WE CAN MAKE A DEAL. YOU'LL

NEVER GET AWAY BY YOURSELF.

I'LL HELP YOU. DO HIM. HE'S

THE ONE WHO GOT YOU INTO THIS.

DO HIM. I HEARD YA, BOTH OF YA.

I BEEN STANDING HERE ALL THE TIME. SURE,

YOU TWO WERE GONNA PUT ME ON THE TRAIN.

AND ALL THE TIME YOU BEEN

TELLING ME HOW STUPID I AM.

OKAY. SO WHO

LOOKS STUPID NOW, EH?

THE SAFETY CATCH WAS ON.

IT WAS A GOOD PLAN,

YOU KNOW.

I'VE WORKED ON SO MANY PLANS, AND THEY

WERE ALL GOOD, BUT THIS WAS THE BEST.

EXCEP FOR THE HUMAN ELEMENT.

ALL GOOD PLANS INCLUDE THE HUMAN

ELEMENT, BUT THEN, I ADMIT YOU WERE RIGHT.

NO REALLY GOOD PLAN COULD

INCLUDE MRS. WILBERFORCE,

UNLESS, OF COURSE,

WE HAD MORE MEN.

THERE WERE ONLY FIVE OF US.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU? TAKE IT EASY, WILL YOU?

BUT IT WOULD TAKE 20 OR 30 OR

BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER

BE ABLE TO KILL HER, LOUIS.

- SHE'LL ALWAYS BE WITH US,

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.

AND THERE'S NOTHING WE

CAN DO. YOU'RE CRAZY!

YOU MUSTN'T SAY THINGS LIKE

THAT, LOUIS, BECAUSE I TOLD YOU-

YOU MUSTN'T MAKE ME ANGRY!

OVER HERE, LOUIS.

SEVEN GONE, LOUIS.

ONE MORE TO GO.

LOUIS.

LOUIS.

OH-HOO!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WON'T KEEP YOU,

LOUIS.

- THERE'LL BE

ANOTHER TRAIN SOON.

BUT I DO HOPE YOU'LL BELIEVE ME.

IT'S TRUE I CARRIED THE LOLLY,

BUT I WASN'T REALLY

ONE OF THE GANG.

I ADMIT THE CAPER

WAS PLANNED IN MY HOUSE,

BUT IT WASN'T I

WHO PLANNED IT.

AND I DID NOT PLAN

OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO...

WITH THE EAST CASTLE STREET JOB.

- DIDN'T YOU, MA'AM?

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE EAST CASTLE STREET IS.

OH, GOOD MORNING,

SUPERINTENDENT.

I WAS JUST TELLING THE SERGEAN - MORNING. IF YOU'LL FORGIVE ME,

I'M RATHER LATE

FOR AN IMPORTANT CONFERENCE.

I'M SURE SERGEANT HARRIS'LL LOOK AFTER

YOU ALL RIGHT. OH, BUT, SUPERINTENDENT,

I DID WANT TO ASK YOUR ADVICE

ABOUT SOME THINGS-

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF THE GANG,

MA'AM? WELL, THAT'S THE FUNNY THING.

THEY ALL DISAPPEARED

DURING THE NIGHT.

BUT I HAVE ALL THE LOLLY

- OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON. I'M SO CONFUSED.

I HAVE ALL THE MONEY BACK AT THE

HOUSE. YOU SEE, I TOOK CHARGE OF IT.

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