The Largest Theatre in the World: Heart to Heart Page #11

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But I need some help, Jessie.

And more help than just the moral

support of the production secretary

in the control room.

Who said you had the moral support of

the production secretary?

You have Mrs Jessie Weston's

best wishes.

You always have those.

But what the production secretary likes

is a nice, smooth show

without any technical hitches.

I'm sorry, David,

but you're on your own.

Come on.

-Hello, Jessie.

-Hello, Mrs Mann.

You look smart. That's new, isn't it?

It's new enough, about five years old,

that's all.

Excuse me, I want to talk to Frank.

-Well, David, feeling in fine form?

-Yes, thank you.

-Technical problems all ironed out?

-Completely.

-Good. Oh, Stanley?

-Yes?

-Your inquisitor is here.

-Oh, hello.

Hey, where are the...

Where are the photographers?

Better get this now,

while we can, I mean.

Later on, all they may get is me cuffing

our young friend over the earhole.

Come on, smile, young man.

Even heavyweight boxers

smile at the weigh-in.

(LAUGHING)

Gentlemen, do you mind clearing

the background, please?

-Smile, Mr Mann.

-Yes, give them the famous dimple.

One more for profile, Mr Mann.

Oh, darling, I do love you so much.

-My wife, Sir Stanley.

-Well, talk about luck.

Having a wife that looks like that.

Well, why isn't she on television?

She can't act very well.

Well, how'd you know

until you've seen her?

-I have seen her.

-He's so silly.

It's a private joke, Sir Stanley.

-I've never acted in my life.

-Oh, well, you should,

you should get him to send you

for a term or two

to one of those drama schools,

like the RADA.

Is that where Enid Clay went?

Mrs Mann, can I take

one of you over there, please?

Floor manager has called the five

minutes, they are clearing the set.

Now, good luck to you both. I'm sure

it's going to be a fine show.

-Good luck.

-Could you come this way, Lady Johnson?

There's a seat reserved for you

in the viewing room.

Oh, thank you. Good luck, dear.

-Birmingham Rep.

-I beg your pardon?

Oh, you were asking about Enid Clay,

weren't you?

Well, she went to the Birmingham Rep.

-Thanks for the information.

-Not at all, if there's any thing else

you want to know before the interview,

-you won't hesitate, will you?

-No, I won't, sir.

But I'm pretty well briefed, thank you.

FLOOR MANAGER:
All right, four minutes,

studio. Opening positions, please.

MAN:
This way, Sir Stanley.

Good luck, darling.

Tonight, at least, I will be watching.

(CLEARING THROAT)

JESSIE:
Good evening.

ALL:
Good evening!

-Let us get through this one, eh?

-Yes, indeed.

-All right, Jess?

-Yes.

-Now, who's got the scripts?

-Here.

All right. Settle down, studio.

Three minutes, please, three minutes.

Okay for sound test, Charlie?

-Okay,Joe.

-David?

Right. One, two, three, four, five.

Tell me, Sir Stanley, have you read

anything interesting lately?

Yes, I've read one or two things

that interested me quite a lot,

-quite a lot.

-Such as?

Oh, documents and things, you know.

Have you had any good holidays?

Yes, I've enjoyed an occasional holiday,

you know?

Okay, Sam, thank you.

Number one, usual track in.

Number two, close on Sir Stanley

after the captions.

-What?

-You heard.

When that microphone is live,

then you can start rolling.

(RATTLING)

Hello? Oh, yes, Mr Stockton.

DOM? Right.

I am keeping this line open to you

throughout the entire transmission.

-Understood?

-Yes, of course, Mr Stockton.

At a word from you.

Yes, that's understood.

Could it be that we are not being

altogether trusted?

-Hah!

-Ninety seconds, Joe.

Remind Sir Stanley of the opening drill,

will you?

Okay. Ninety seconds, studio!

-All right if I smoke?

-Yes, you should. Good for the nerves.

Just a minute.

Can I have that document, please?

-What document?

-You know blooming well what document.

Oh, yes, yes. I have it here somewhere.

Meanwhile, I think you ought to listen

to the floor manager. Go ahead, Joe.

-I want that document.

-One minute, studio!

You shall have it when I find it, sir.

But there's less than a minute to go.

Joe, give him the drill.

Sir Stanley, when I drop my arm

like this, we're on vision.

That is, the cameras live

but the sound is off

and the programme titles

are being shown on the screen.

These titles are superimposed over

pictures of you and Mr Mann.

And although we can see you,

you cannot be heard.

I will then give you a second cue

when the sound goes on

and the viewers at home

will be able to hear you.

No doubt Mr Mann has already told you,

you should be smiling at each other.

Oh, no, thank you, Joe.

I forgot to mention that.

In the opening shot, Sir Stanley,

you and I should be seen

smiling at each other,

you know, like two heavyweight boxers

at the weigh-in.

-Give me that bill.

-You shall have it when I find it, sir.

You have the idea, Sir Stanley?

First cue for vision,

second cue for sound,

then after the titles,

that light on up there will go on,

and you're on the air.

I'm not on the air without that bill

in my pocket, I'm telling you straight.

-Give me that bill.

-Excuse me. Dave!

Jessie? Jessie?

Yes, David?

I shall want that insert

close-up on cue.

What insert close-up?

That copy of the photostatted

hotel bill, remember?

-20 seconds, studio!

-Okay, David.

And I shall want that tape-recorded

telephone conversation ready to run.

As you say, David.

-Ten seconds, Joe.

-Ten seconds!

-You remember the cue, all right?

-Nine...

(COUNTDOWN)

What's that about "insert close-up"?

You said you didn't have a tape,

a tape of that talk with the cashier.

Yes, I did say that. I suppose I did.

(COUNTING DOWN)

And what was the idea of telling me

that dirty lie?

Just to get you in that chair,

Sir Stanley, facing me,

with 15 million viewers watching.

Yes, the camera is on.

Don't look at it, that's bad.

You should be looking at me.

Say one, two, three, four, five

and I'll laugh

just as if you made the most hearty

bluff, honest joke in the whole world.

Sound isn't done yet, you see,

so it doesn't really matter.

Go ahead, Sir Stanley.

One, two, three, four, five.

One, two, three, four, five.

You're a double-crossing bastard.

Oh, well done, Sir Stanley.

How do you think of them?

I still believe you're lying anyway.

I don't believe you've got that tape.

I don't believe you've got

a close-up of that bill.

Well, you'll soon find out, won't you?

'Cause in less than 15 seconds,

sound will be on, too.

-How much?

-FRANK:
Take it out.

Your resignation.

(LAUGHTER)

-You've got a nerve!

-Super David's caption.

-Haven't I just?

-Take it out.

Sound!

Good evening to you,

Sir Stanley Johnson, Minister of Labour.

And may I begin, sir, by welcoming you

to this programme

and by saying how grateful I am

to have this opportunity of asking you

one or two questions.

Delighted to answer them I'm sure, if

they're questions I can answer, that is.

Does that mean there are one or two

questions you perhaps

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